Deceived, lost

[Guest]

I don't know where else to turn, but this seems like an ok place. I do have friends to talk to, but I am struggling to no end.

 

My husband and me got engaged just a few months into dating. I will now tell anyone that this is a huge mistake. So we got married a year ago. A few months before our wedding, I noticed him having several secretive type conversations on his cell phone. When I finally asked him about it, he said it was about a surprise for me on our honeymoon. So of course I let it go. The surprise was a gift from his parents to send us to Hawaii for a week. It was a magical honeymoon.

 

But 3 months ago, Cory left his cell phone at home by accident one night, while out with friends (unless that was lie I don't know). It kept ringing so I finally just answered it. The number was unfamiliar. Turns out he had gotten a woman pregnant, right around the time we started dating. The phone calls about the "surprise" were a lie; they were happening right around the time of her due date. According to this woman, she knew all about me and Cory told her I knew all about her! And that I was ok with everything. She was very shocked when she realized I had no clue. No idea that my husband has a daughter with another woman. When I look back now, it's like putting a puzzle together. When he said he was leaving town for his job, he was really going to his child being born! They live hundreds of miles from us. Cory intended on being a good father still. The woman actually has a husband of her own now, that she married while she was pregnant--she cheated on the guy wiht my husband and the guy still married her!

 

Of course I cried and cried until he got home and all he could say was sorry. I said you could have told me, especially since we had just began dating, but he claims he didnt want to scare me off. He also said it was a one night stand so he they never had intentions of being together. She just wanted him to be a financially responsible dad, or whatever. So ever since then, cory has been living with his brother and I moved in with a friend. He keeps trying to talk me out of getting divorced. I try not to even be his friend. It's so hard. He calls to say How are you doing? I keep telling him not to call for small talk, only to talk about divorce plans. I've been in counseling but I've fallen a part. Is this something I can accept and try to work on the marriage? Or have i been deceived in the most unforgivable way ever? Has anyone ever had a similar thing happen to them?

[4whatItsWorth]

Well, It is good he wants to be a good present dad, I suppose.

 

However, he should not have lied to you. It puts up questions of would he lie again about other things as well? Was he planning on lying to you forever about his "love child"? I guess you will never know.

 

He did deceive you into thinking he was "free", and it was wrong of him. Not a very good foundation of a relationship. It is really up to you to decide if you can forgive him or not for making another woman pregnant. However, he never did cheat on you. You said it happened before you started dating - so except keeping it a secret he did "nothing".

 

If it was me, I would try to work on it. He wants to be a good responsible father, which is good thing! Many men would just shun the girl. However, I think you're going to have to rebuild the trust and he needs to stop keeping secrets from you.

 

Good luck no matter what you decide to do.