Inevitable Encounters

[konfuzd]

To recap the situation quickly:

 

Met a guy through a friend end of last year. Things were going famously (well from my end) he was constantly telling me how glad he was we met, how happy I made him... few months later, without incident, he falls of the face of the earth. Not only did he stop calling, but when I'd see him at social events, he'd make a point to distance himself from me and acted as if he didn't even know me, blocked me on msn, basically treated me as though I'd done something awful, yet the last conversation we had ended with "see you soon, babe"... go figure.

 

Anyhow, a couple weeks ago, it was a mutual friend's birthday, I was hanging out with another friend, and she wanted to stop by to wish our other friend a happy birthday. Knowing the ex would be there, I was a bit hesitant, as I was looking pretty scummy, and not dressed to go out. We decided to stop by anyhow, and sure enough the ex was there.

 

The whole time I was there, ex kept staring at me, and making me feel rather awkward. I was sitting at another table, and tried to ignore him. He tried talking to me, but I answered him only in brief sentences and refused to look him in the eye. I didn't want to make a scene at my friend's party.

 

A few days later I get a friend request from him on facebook. I took the opportunity to reply letting him know what was on my mind, which included telling him I thought he acted like a pansy, and to rekindle a friendship, he will need to man up and start acting like an adult. I got no reply.

 

Now, this weekend is another friend's birthday party (the one who introduced us). He had made a point the last time I saw him to say he wouldn't be there since he had a bachelor party to go to that night. He then went on to say that he didn't want to go to my friend's party and was quite rude about it right to her face. Then afterwards, he said, "don't worry, I was always planning on coming", then whispered something to someone else, all the while, looking at me, and giggling. My friend didn't hear what he said, and the other person won't tell.

 

I know all of this is very immature, and just plain silly, but he's making all of my social events so awkward and I'm not sure what to do to alter it. Should I confront him at the party, even though I've said what I wanted to in the email? Should I wait for him to reply, or say something in person? I really don't want things to continue this way, I feel like I've been sent back to junior high, but I really don't know how to deal with this. Any advice?

[amaysngrace]

Any advice?

 

Yeah, bring a date. Preferably a really big guy who can kick his ass if need be.

[konfuzd]

Ha! Thanks. That made me smile. I wish a date was an option, but unfortunately, the party is by invite only, and doesn't include guests.

[monkey00]

hm thats weird. if someone is truly over their ex, there's no reason for the whole charade. Unless of course they're looking for an ego boost by seeing if they can get a reaction out of you.

[blue16]

It takes two to make things uncomfortable. Although it is strange that he dropped off the face of the earth, you are the one ignoring him when he is talking to you. I can't say I wouldn't do the same, but it's unfair to place the blame solely on him for making things awkward.

 

I'm not sure I quite understand what he is doing so wrong in those dialogues you described. So what if he mentioned that he is going to a bachelor party? Who cares that he whispered into someone else's ear...? I think you're making it a much bigger deal than what it actually is, to be honest.

 

And again I admit I'm not sure how I'd react in a similar situation, but at the same time I realize that the uncomfortable situation is not solely produced because of one person. If you just treat him like anyone else, not ignoring, but not excessively nice then everything should be normal.

 

It's not awkward unless you make it awkward.

[konfuzd]

Thanks Blue, I appriciate your input.

 

I don't fully understand how I am contributing to the awkwardness. A little more background to explain this:

 

The first time I saw him after the phonecalls had stopped, I approached him, as if nothing happened. Asked how he was doing, and instead of answering the question, he just replied with 'hi', turned his back to me and walked away. Later in the evening, I tried to approach him again, and he did the same thing, this time leaving our entire group of friends, and spending the remainder of the evening in a corner by himself.

 

Since then, other times I've seen him, he won't even return a 'hello'. At this last party, I did answer him when he asked me a question, but I made no attempts to carry on a conversation, nor did I initiate anything. I simply continued to enjoy my evening with my other friends.

 

The awkwardness is coming from him constantly staring at me and obviously talking sh*t about me to other people, and making a point to make me aware of it. My friends have also noticed what he's been doing and have talked to him about it, told him that he owes me an apology, and they are very unimpressed with his behavior. He is fully aware of what he is doing, yet has decided to do nothing about it.