calisurfer2302 Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 I have been in a relationship for 1 1/2 years. I really have no clue how its lasted this long. I try and change and do every thing she says but i mess up. Every time i mess up she holds onto it and tears me away with it. One time i made a stupid comeback because she called me ugly so i said yeh well your uglym so now she calls me mr your ugly. The only time we talk is when shes yelling at me for being stupid. I'm afraid to say anything because she will proabbly think its stupid. I have an extremely low self image now and i really dont know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 This is called an abusive relationship. Don't put up with her crap anymore. Stand up to her and tell her that what she's doing and saying is unacceptable. Draw the line and stand firm. If she won't stop this type of behaviour, be prepared to walk away for your own good. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 People tear other people down to manipulate them. If they have a low self image themselves they will begin to think that their love and compliments mean nothing to you and so they may feel the only way to impact you emotionally is through negativity. I'm like that and it's a very bad trait of mine. It's something I really need to work on. The irony is that abuse is also a twisted form of adoration. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calisurfer2302 Posted May 19, 2007 Author Share Posted May 19, 2007 I know she loves me because of stupid things shell get mad at like if i have to leave or if i have to get off the phone with her but it gets rediculous. I'll stay at her house for a week and have to go to my house for an hour to get stuff and she gets mad. She claims I've become like her ex boyfriends but I've never cheated on her or purpously said something mean to her. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 This is called an abusive relationship. Don't put up with her crap anymore. Stand up to her and tell her that what she's doing and saying is unacceptable. Draw the line and stand firm. If she won't stop this type of behaviour, be prepared to walk away for your own good. TBF, you are ON fire at the moment. I feel like I am trailing behind you going, "yes, what she said" all the time! I have an extremely low self image now and i really dont know what to do The only way your self image is going to get better is if a) she changes or B) you leave. You only have the power to do one of these things. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 TBF, you are ON fire at the moment. I feel like I am trailing behind you going, "yes, what she said" all the time! The only way your self image is going to get better is if a) she changes or B) you leave. You only have the power to do one of these things. Thanks sb. I regularly agree with your responses too which come from learning from personal experience that only you can take control and responsibility for yourself. To try to control another is like banging your head against a brick wall. Absolutely. You set reasonable borders and she has to meet them or you leave to find someone who will treat you right. If there's no mutual respect, can you really call it a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 You need to leave. She doesn't respect you and I doubt if someone who loves you would call you Mr. ugly. She is unhealthy for you. Do yourself a favor and break away because she is using you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 I have been in a relationship for 1 1/2 years. I really have no clue how its lasted this long. I try and change and do every thing she says but i mess up. Every time i mess up she holds onto it and tears me away with it. One time i made a stupid comeback because she called me ugly so i said yeh well your uglym so now she calls me mr your ugly. The only time we talk is when shes yelling at me for being stupid. I'm afraid to say anything because she will proabbly think its stupid. I have an extremely low self image now and i really dont know what to do I am always amazed when I hear stories like that... abused men... I find it soo strange, usually women are emotionally and physically abused... rarely the men.. since women are more emotional... One of the bus driver here in town was telling me about his abuse... he's physically abused as well... I just find it 'stranger' when it's a man...for some reason... probably because we don't hear about it as much... men are too proud to confess those things...but I'm sure it's still the minority... but it is just as sad... You need to get out of this relationship ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 I know she loves me because of stupid things shell get mad at like if i have to leave or if i have to get off the phone with her but it gets rediculous. I'll stay at her house for a week and have to go to my house for an hour to get stuff and she gets mad. That seems more about herself than about loving you. If she loved you, she'd understand that you need to go to your house once in awhile. She sounds very insecure and controlling. I agree. You need to start standing up for yourself, and if things don't change soon, you should end it. Also, you should consider getting some therapy to understand why you're putting up with this and help you get back some of your self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
beautifulearth83 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 I am always amazed when I hear stories like that... abused men... I find it soo strange, usually women are emotionally and physically abused... rarely the men.. since women are more emotional... All respect, but I'm tired of hearing people say that women are more emotional than men. I don't believe that to be true. I think we are all capable of the same height of emotion and open-heartedness. Just because there are so many men blinded to sensitivities and more delicate things, does not mean they don't have it in them, or that there aren't males out there with their eyes and hearts open. And please no scientific hormone explanations... Also, the effects and power that some women are able to gain over males can be both physically and emotionally threatening. It's very common and happens far too much. But it works both ways, and perhaps we'll all get out of our own heads someday sooner than later. So cheers to equality and all our emotional awareness. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 I disagree...we are sooooo way behind for 'equality'. I didn't just make that up... women are more emotional than men... and who said it's a bad thing. 'So cheers to equality and all our emotional awareness.' Link to post Share on other sites
alextop30 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Ditch her!!! This is not a relationship, this is one person using another through an emotional link. The fact that she is doing this means she does not give a crap about you and she just pushes you around. If I were you just tell her to go to hell and move on because she is damaging you emotionally wich is quite bad. Link to post Share on other sites
beautifulearth83 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 I disagree...we are sooooo way behind for 'equality'. I didn't just make that up... women are more emotional than men... and who said it's a bad thing. 'So cheers to equality and all our emotional awareness.' I'm not so sure you really took the time to open your mind and take in what I said. Perhaps there are statistics somewhere that say there is a higher percentage of more emotional women than men, but I'm not sure we can just cut it dry and simply generally say that one sex is more emotional than the other. Again I believe we are all capable of the same height of emotion. In fact I'm crying right now. j/k. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 I have an extremely low self image now and i really dont know what to do Cali, part of the reason you have low self-image is that she's vampired it off. In being able to brow-beat you, she's empowered herself to be the dominant, nasty person in your relationship. While you can't control her, you can take control of your life. Stand up to her and demand some changes. Link to post Share on other sites
duncan1979 Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Man.. if thats the worst that she can come out with then marry her. Its going to be fine. Wait until your a bit older than 12 and then see where i'm coming from. If she tells you that your ugly, ask her why the hell she is going out with you? That will stop the little witch in her tracks. After that .. give it another 10 years and you will finally meet the person that you want to be with. Don't worry about it you will be fine. it happens to us all. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 People tear other people down to manipulate them. If they have a low self image themselves they will begin to think that their love and compliments mean nothing to you and so they may feel the only way to impact you emotionally is through negativity. I'm like that and it's a very bad trait of mine. It's something I really need to work on. The irony is that abuse is also a twisted form of adoration. Boy you must have really adored me then! Cali, you need to dump her sorry little abusive ass. Don't put up with it. Don't you want somene who treats you nicely 99% of the time and who doesn't make you feel badly? Why would you want a g/f who calls you Mr. Ugly? Dont' you want one who will tell you how sexy you are to her? You're being emotionally abused. Don't tolerate it. You can do better, I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
duncan1979 Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 I disagree...we are sooooo way behind for 'equality'. I didn't just make that up... women are more emotional than men... and who said it's a bad thing. 'So cheers to equality and all our emotional awareness.' Lizzie you really are a clever girl arnt you? Women are so more emotional than men? What a load (and I mean a huge steaming pile) of horses*it. We are all individuals, each person on this planet has their own problems, their own issues, their own worries, their own pain.... etc etc. With opinions like this you are not going to get anywhere very soon. Hit me with some statistics to prove this theory? come on! I dare you.. google it. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 So calisurfer, any updates. Are you still with her? Link to post Share on other sites
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