dj Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 Hi, I do know what I think and should do but honestly, sometimes I can concern to much. Right now I'm on "date on line" and have been doing it awhile now but 'm still confuse about one thing: When is the best time to have the intimate w/ my date (I'm talking about that both of really show interest for each other)......should I wait until we really get to know each other well (after more than 5 dates w/ that guy or wait for a month????).....Does he think that I'm a easy girl if I get in to the intimate w/ him on our third date????? When is the best time???? And how can I know my date is only after for sex or he really is interested getting to know me???? Plz let me know. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 On the 63rd date (or after one year - whichever comes first) you can be intimate, if he has made a commitment to you (actually stated it out loud) that he will date no one but you, and you have made the same commitment back to him. Unless you are under 18. If you are under 18, wait until you have had 63 dates after age 18 (or after one year - whichever comes first) and the commitment has been made. Make sure you both are tested for sexually transmitted diseases every quarter (that's 4 times a year) because some diseases can be present but don't show up in tests and you don't find out until months or even years later. If he marries you then he's not just after sex. Link to post Share on other sites
dj Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 Yes, that was what I thought too but maybe it doesn't work that way anymore 'cause people these days want thing every fast and its like they don't have time to be good & old fashion. I have heard that men will not feel or are willing to share things & be serious w/ one until they are in intimate w/ (I'm not talking about the players). They easily move on if you are too "old fashion"!!! But do you think that my date will think that I'm a easy girl if we have intimate w/ each other after our third -fifth date. I really don't know. Maybe you are right...I should wait maybe for at least a month, I think. Honestly, I'm more confuse now.....HELP!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted January 17, 2003 Share Posted January 17, 2003 63rd date or one year? You have got to be joking right?? I think it's fine to be intimate as soon as both parties are comfortable. But to find out if this guy really likes you, wait awhile before you let anything happen. After the third or fourth date, you will see what his intentions are.... Link to post Share on other sites
ashleybandit Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 My friends and I (we are in our late 20's and early 30's) tend to wait a few months-- but we "see" the person every week/every few days, and talk every day. This way you know the person wants to spend time with you and be with you. I would say we generally wait 2 months-4 months on average. We don't wait as long as we used to because 1) we're older and 2) we live in big big cities where people are more "liberal". That means 10 dates to about 16 dates. Like I said, my friends and I also live in the large "open-minded" cities-- NYC and San Francisco. I tend to think if a guy will wait for you, he likes you. The problem that you need to worry about (that I am currently dealing with) is *after* you sleep with them, thinking that you've gotten to know them a little bit, you find out about their sordid past! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Yes, I was being sarcastic. There is no magic number these days, no hard and fast rule. Everything is open to interpretation and is based on individual morals and values and beliefs. "back in my day" people did not have sex until their wedding night. I see the way the world has changed and I accept it, but to me the wedding night is when people should have sex for the first time and I see nothing wrong with that at all. I don't think being a virgin is anything to be ashamed of either - no matter how old a person is. A good friend of mine (from jr. high school thru college) did not lose her virginity until she was 34 - on her wedding night. I was married before she was and we talked about it because she was scared and too nervous to talk to her mother about it. Now, before you think I'm a hopeless old prude, I was not a virgin when I got married. I had been with one guy previously. It was only a few times - enough to satisfy my curiosity and for me to know that sex was too important to me to be casual about it and that I wanted to wait until after I was married. I had a lot of boy-friends after that, but the longest "relationship" was for 9 months because the guys expected sex after a while and I was not going to "put out" as we used to call it. My husband was very patient and we did have sex before marriage because when our respective leases expired we went ahead and moved into our first apartment several months before the actual wedding. It was a financial decision as much as anything, and because I knew he wasn't going to leave. To me it is a matter of self-resepect too. I'm not saying that I disrespect or look down on those who do engage in casual sex. I'm just saying it's not for me and I know several people who feel like I do. I see nothing wrong with this at all. The old adage "If in Doubt - Don't" seems to work pretty well in most situations - fewer regrets afterward if there are no doubts going into a situation. Link to post Share on other sites
dj Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 THank you so much for all your advices which have cleared a lot of things for me But my confusion continue: Right now I'm dating this guy (the same guy) who I met for about 4 weeks ago but we only had been on date three times now (we only can see each other on the weekend, since that he is resident-doctor, so he works ALOT and there are 40 mins. distance between us) and our third date, was last sunday. We started w/ going to his favorite restaurant (korean BBQ) for lunch, then went to the museum, and after we rent a movie......now here is the point: first we sat nicely and he began to massage me.....then hold me ....kissed me genteelly on my shoulder, cheek, then we kissed each other and we got more & more serious w/ our kissing but then I told him that I want to wait, and he was ok w/ that but after we continue our kissing, I could feel that he got REALLY HOT-I even could feel his "little guy".And I told him to relax and he kept saying: "we are not going to have sex". When he calmed down a little bit, we began to talk about how many we had been intimate w/.....we both suprised each other (he had been w/ about 10....oh my God..is he a player? -was my reaction inside. And I told him that I only have been w/ one and he said "i didn't know, you are that nice") Then we talked about my first time....His questions: did it hurt....did I enjoy....did my ex boyfriend know how to please me ect. Then he said that he know how to make me feel good.....we talked a little about sexual stuffs in few mins. then we continue seeing the movie and he hold around me from my bag....10 mins later he got hot again we began to kiss......then we both got hot but I said: calm down & he: we are not going to have sex! Sorry, my note got that long ....I really like this guy! What do you think guys....is he a ok guy? So far we have two things in common: we both love asian food (I'm asian) & we both like classical music. And I grew up in Europe and he had lived in Europe. Sometimes I'm afraid that he will feel that he can not communicate w/ me, since that I only have been here in the US about 1½ years so my english is still weak. Please let me know what you guys think about all this -I'll appreciate it a lot......and again THANK YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 To me, it sounds like he isn't really respecting you. Like he thinks he can talk you into having sex with him. Maybe try to talk to him about how he makes you uncomfortable about pressuring the issue with you. See how he acts later. If he really cares about you, he won't care if you won't have sex with him. Keep doing what you are doing...his true colors will show. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 First of all, you barely know the guy, why are you going to his place to watch movies? That's just not safe. Second of all, I'm suspicious of men who accentuate the sexual stuff from the beginning. Of course, every guy who likes you can't wait to get it on, but I think there needs to be some hesitation on his part. I think you should simply keep the dates to places where you can't have sex - so that he's limited to hugs & kisses - and see how long he likes that. If the guy's into you, he'll wait a couple of months no problem before taking you home. By the way, I'm sure you're also attracted to him, so staying out of places where u can have sex prevents you from making mistakes or from the "body says yes, heart says no" problems. good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
dj Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Maybe you guys are right! I think I will wait w/ getting intimate w/ him. And I will let him know that I want to wait, so if he is not interested in me anymore then its over w/ us. But if he is OK w/ that which means that he really like me (right?). So do you guys have any advices for the activities we can do to get to know & get close to each other in a good & sincere aways. I know that we both like hiking so we can do that but beside that, I have no idea what else we can do. PLZ GIVE ME SOME TIPS - THANK YOU Link to post Share on other sites
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