Being ignored and don't know why??

[Bella_xx]

Hi guys and girls,

 

I'm sorry this is going to be a pretty long one, but I'll try to summarise as briefly as possible!! Basically, for some background info- I was/am (?) seeing (what I thought was) a wonderful guy for about 8 months, and I am head over heels in love with him. He claims that I was his everything, and that he loved me more than anything he's known before.. etc. Even though we weren't together for a long time, he had brought up our future and talked of marriage, kids etc. We talked about 'forever'.

 

Anyway. In the last two, two and a half months we began to fight a bit, generally about not seeing each other (the only time we fought was when we weren't seeing each other enough), and the fact that due to his family problems (he'd been kicked out of home etc) that I hadn't met his family, and felt a bit like a secret. We had a few moments where we considered ending it, but decided to keep trying to work through it.

 

Everything had been going well, and he was meant to come with me that friday to a friend's birthday about a month ago. He called me that night to say that he was going to work on his car instead. We had a mini fight, but ended ok..

 

• I then couldn't get in touch with him (didn't answer calls or messages at all) until monday morning, when I sent an agnry message about us, and why I was mad... He replied a few hours later saying his phone had been playing up (this excuse has been used A LOT) and we were over.
  
• He then called me after he finished work, we had a long talk, and decided we needed some space, and would meet up that sunday. we spoke once on the phone later that week. He said he'd call sat. I didn't hear from him, and sunday morning I get a message saying 'sorry, I have massive stomach pains. I understand if you've had enough, but I can't move very far at the moment".
  
• I felt like he was playing games, or just too hungover, as in the past couple of weeks there had been a few excuses... I replied saying that I wasn't happy, and that I would wait but he needed to tell me if I should stop waiting for him. Later I sent one saying that I hoped he was ok and would talk to him later. I didn't hear from him for over a week. He ignored all my calls and messages until tuesday a week and a half later.
  
• Messaged me to say he'd call that night, I missed it, he wouldnt take my calls or messages. Finally did, we talked again for ages, and he said he had been a jerk.. there was no real talk about geting back together, but we sorted out a lot, he said he'd missed me, loved me etc.
  
• We talked the following night, and he said he didn't know where he stood with me. I said I didn't know either, but that I knew I wanted to end up staying with him, and he suggested that we meet and 'have this conversation in person'. He was busy that weekend, but we agreed on tuesday. He said I could call or message any time I wanted. I got a message the next night saying he missed me and was thinking of me.
  
• Looking back, I feel like I shouldn't have rushed it, but the next day I messaged him in the morning asking if we could talk that afternoon and not drag out this any more (it had already been about 3 weeks), he said ok. I tried to call friday afternoon and saturday, and he never picked up, never messaged or called back.
  
• Spoke to him briefly on sunday on msn, and he asked if I was looking forward to tuesday night. I said yes, but why was he ignoring me. He said he was confused because he thought we were thinking and then talking on tuesday. I agreed and said but I asked if we could talk friday. He claims he tried to call. He said he'd 'brb' and while he was away I brought up plans for tuesday. He never came back and logged off without saying anything more.
  
• Tuesday came around, I messaged him in the morning to ask if we were still on for that night. No reply, no calls, and no show. He never turned up. I tried to call a few times that night, and he never picked up.
  
• I havent heard anything from him since..

So... I have no idea what to think. In one way I think he's just a jerk and is being a coward over this. But then again, he suggested meeting, and talking, and he said he missed me etc. He HAS had bad phone problems in the past... but this all seems a little too convenient, and they've never gone on this long, so I'm aassuming it's a little more to do with 'ignoring' than 'phone troubles! I really want to talk to him, even if its just for closure and to say goodbye. I miss and love him.. but I just don't understand this.

 

Does any one have any advice on this?? Should I stop all contact, leave him be and hope he makes contact? Move on completely? is the relationship over with? Will he come back? I'm starting to get panicky about it and its making it so hard to try and move on. I'm just so confused.

 

So sorry this is so long! Thanks to anyone who made it to the bottom lol. Appreciate any ideas/suggestions...

 

Bella.

[Ssheena]

Hmm. My initial reaction is ...he's just not that into you.

 

Step back for a second and ask yourself would you treat a boyfriend or someone you loved and wanted to be with like he is treating you?

 

I think he is just trying to take the easy way out and push you to maybe break up with him because he doesn't have the cojones to do it himself.

 

I'm sorry you are left in limbo but it really seems to me like he is being a spineless coward. I would suggest not contacting him/walking away and taking the high road here.

 

If it was your best friend telling you this story, what would you say to her? It's been my experience that friends will call it as they see it and they are right.

[norajane]

I'm sorry, but it does sound like the relationship is over and he's backed away and made himself unavailable deliberately.

 

If he were truly interested in working things out, it wouldn't have been a month since you've seen each other, and he wouldn't be avoiding your calls. Whatever phone problems he 'might' be having, there's nothing stopping him from picking up his HOME phone, his OFFICE phone, email, or IM if he really wanted to talk to you.

 

He's taking the coward's way out. I understand you might want closure, but you're not going to get closure unless he's willing to talk to you. Find your self-esteem and stop contacting him...it's just making you feel worse every time he ignores your attempts at contact. Get angry that he's ignoring you!

[Bella_xx]

Thanks for the responses guys. By now, having had about 10 days without phone contact (just hte once on msn) I've accepted that he's deliberately backed out and I probably won't hear from him. I guess what I'm trying to come to terms with is the fact that he suggested the meeting, and made it seem like he really did want to see me, and then disappeared again. I would have been able to accept the end of the relationship had he turned around and said 'I don't want this anymore, I don't want to talk, let's not have contact for a while, and maybe be friends down the track' type of thing. But it's the excitement of seeing him and then being let down... and the loss of false hope again that has brought me undone now!

 

A friend suggested that perhaps he felt he was under obligation to meet up with me, because that's what I wanted, and then because he didn't, decided not to and withdrew. But that just doesn't fit, considering he asked to meet up, and I was happy to discuss it over the phone. (Bad I know.. but it had got to that stage haha). Perhaps it's because we organised to meet up and then I pushed it the next day by asking if we could work it out then?

 

I guess I'll never know. I'm starting to move on (And Ssheena - thanks for pointing out how I'd see it if it was my best friend - he'd be out the door in no time! haha), even though some days are really, really hard and I feel almost overwhelmed by some sot of panic.. I'm slowly accepting that he wasn't who I thought he was, there were way too many excuses (and norajane - you're totally right, there's no excuse for not getting in touch) and that the relationship wasn't as it seemed.

 

I'd still love some opinions on his actions/why etc if any one out there reads this, just for a bit of my own sanity! haha

 

Thanks guys, Bella

[Bella_xx]

Update on all this.. he logged on MSN just before, and we talked briefly.

 

I broke my 'not contacting him'.. grr.. but basically at first he said "i am not having this conversation".. and "can we just move on".. and I said I was finding it hard to without knowing what had happened. He claims that it was because we arranged tuesday and then he chedcked his phone and there were a whole lot of "why arent u talking to me" messages from me.

 

Considering that we arranged tuesday, and agreed to talk the next day anyway (when I couldn't get in touch with him)... the fact that I had called like 4 times over two days, and sent maybe 1 or 2 messages saying 'not sure what's going on... thought we were going to talk this afternoon/yesterday? I guess I'll see you tuesday then'.. this seems pretty weak. And he was fine when I spoke to him sunday, barely brought it up at all.

 

Anyway. After he said that, I replied and said "Look... it seems like maybe there has been some miscommunication, on both our parts. I was really looking forward to seeing you tuesday.. I wouldn't have deliberately done anything I thought would jeopardise that"

 

Him: "ok... i dont know what to say"

me: "me either.. I'm sorry for making you angry and upsetting you if I have"

him: "i am sorry for hurting u"

me:"well I'm not sure what to do or say... so maybe this is one where I leave it up to you now. If you want to talk, then we'll talk.. if not.. well I understand. I miss and love you, and hope we can be at least friends, regardless. '

him:"ok" and then he logged off/blocked me.

 

SO I've basically gone against ALL my hard work in starting to move on AND given him all the power again. Grr . The one good thing to come of it is that I feel like I've had some closure, I'm not so panicked, and if I don't hear from him, well then I've had my explanation. I'm not going to contact him.. but I do think I'll hear from him within a week or two. What do you guys think?

[Yernasia Quorelios]

On the basis of this

Looking back, I feel like I shouldn't have rushed it, but the next day I messaged him in the morning asking if we could talk that afternoon and not drag out this any more (it had already been about 3 weeks), he said ok. I tried to call friday afternoon and saturday, and he never picked up, never messaged or called back.

I think that he is not the type of person who can easily deal with the level of neediness/clinginess that you started showing a few months into the relationship. This neediness/clinginess probably contributed to starting the fights that you mentioned in your original post. The deep, caring feelings that he developed for you are most likely still there but tempered by his seeming inability to meet your current needs.

 

At a guess I think he is trying to figure out whether or not he has what it takes to be with you. If that is the case, rest assured any pressure you put on him will just push him further away. IMHO the best thing you can do is to treat him as permanently gone, as hard as that may be, and start having a look at why you started fighting. If you conclude that it's partly down to insecurity issues that you may have then work on resolving them.

[Bella_xx]

Possibly. Although our fights at the end were more about my (in his opinion) not being affectionate enough towards him. He told me he felt my feelings had changed and that I was a bit distant.

 

Either way.. we have spoken once more briefly.. I told him I won't contact him again, but I would still like to at some point, talk still, if/when we're both ready. if he needs to have no contact, I won't. If he needs to move on, then I'd let go. If this was motivated by confusion, worry, hurt etc at t he moment, then I could wait still, and would talk with him, but wouldn't push anything or contact him in the meantime. He's to let me know IF and when. I said I hoped he was ok, and to take care. So that's that. My (male) friend says he thinks I'll hear from him again now, and it probably won't be long... I'm almost equally confident I won't hear from him, at least not for a long time, but we'll see.

If he does get in touch, then a talk would be good, but otherwise I've bound myself to NC (doing well, and determined not to break it!) and am moving on. Thanks for the opinions guys!

 

Bella.

[dazz187s]

I'm sorry to hear about all this limbo that has been going on in your life but understand time is a beautiful thing. i have read and seen that giving someone time works wonders. Not that he/she will ever come back, but the fact that losing someone might also mean meeting someone new and even greater. not saying that you should start dating right at this point but avoid having him in mind and think about your life and start looking forward to greater things. not saying to move on and forget him but remember the lesson it came with. i know its not easy dealing with this but there is no other choice at this point.

not sure where i heard this quote but hope it helps you like it has helped me.

"its better to have been loved then not been loved at all"-god knows who wrote that.

 

"this is your life, good to the last straw, this is your life and its ending one minute at a time."- movie, fight club (enjoy every minute of your life)

[Not_That_Innocent]

Gosh, Bella. I feel for you. I am going through a similar situation with a guy who was just a friend, but with benefits. He has totally been ignoring me lately and I can't understand why. Our last contact was good, no fighting or anything. I wish that he would be a man about it and just tell me to leave him alone and never talk to him again. Which is what I was trying to do. I did NC for a while, but then he called me. He wanted to know what I was up to and with whom. I told him that he was asking too many questions, which has been his response to me plenty of times.

 

In response to that he said "Wow, that hurts." I didn't believe that though, I mean things he has said and done to me in the past makes me believe that he doesn't have a heart, so to actually think that he's hurt by the fact that I won't answer his questions was unbelieveable. He then said that he was working on a letter to send to me, and that when I read it I would appreciate it. I took it to mean that he felt remorse for all the times he hurt me in the past, by being mean, ignoring my calls and requests, etc. I walked away from that conversation thinking everything was okay with us. He even called the next day to see how I was doing. Since then he hasn't called. And when I call him he won't pick up the phone and won't call me back. I cannot figure out why he is ignoring me. I'm okay with the fact that he's not into me, but be a man about it!

 

Just wanted to share this as a way of saying that you are not alone! By the way, I still haven't gotten his letter.

[whichwayisup]

Don't IM him, email or call him. Block him too that way if you do see him online you're not tempted....

 

You can't be friends with him, atleast not until ALL the feelings go away and you care less about him...What he thinks/feels won't matter to you....But, hopefully by then you'll see what a real jerk he is and you won't want his friendship. Why would you want him in your life when he's acted immature and treated you like crap??? All because he has NO balls to sit and talk to you, instead he ignored you and played a game.

[Bella_xx]

Well guys,

 

I got a (probably drunk) sms last night at 2.30am from him and all it said was "we can't be friends". I actually laughed when I got it. I actually feel like a massive weight has been lifted, cliched as it sounds.

 

I wasn't going to reply, but did in the end, and said 'That's a relief. Thanks for months of your lying though! I just find it funny now that I was naive enough to think you actually cared. I used to think you were a genuinely nice guy, and had hoped we could have some kind of friendship out of this, but I guess you're going to continue being the much smaller person. I am very happy, and have moved on. Have a nice life."

 

I know this might sound weird - but I'm so, so relieved. I had already gone through the process of deleting any sms, emails, blocking and deleting him on msn and deleting his number out of my phone, so this was just... a real 'nothing' feeling! haha. I actually felt happy after it!

 

I've come to realise that I really only feel sorry for him, because there are a lot of issues he won't face about himself but he projected onto me. I realise now that I'm much happier without someone like that in my life, and I have loved being able to hang out with male friends, be a flirt etc and not be accountable to someone who brough me down a fair bit. I realise that there is so much better out there for me now (obviously not looking to date for a while but you guys know what i mean!). So done and dusted! While I still have moments of 'what if' and 'but he couldnt do that..' type thinking, for the most part I'm a much happier, more relieved person now! I don't need people who bring me down or are such cowards in my life. i don't actually WANT anything to do with him any more, and it's a great feeling!

 

whichwayisup- I've definitely come to realise he's just a jerk and playing games. I only hope in the future he learns from them or he's going to be a very lonely person!

 

not_that_innocent - you are totally right. All through this long, looong process I have had no problem with him wanting to leave, have no contact etc, I just would have liked to have been TOLD what was going on.It just seems so cowardly to not even face up to someone andgive them a simple 'I don't want to be with you any more/have contact with you etc please don't contact me again". I would have been much more accepting of it had that happened!! Have you heard from him at all?

 

dazz - your quotes were awesome, thanks. And definitely agree about the time thing. Time heals all wounds! I have already met someone who is simply amazing - we are just friends (have been for a long time - we work together), and I obviously wouldn't be looking to make anything more of it for a long time because it would be unfair to us both, but he is wonderful, and actually appreciates me for me. Had I not had this experience, or given myself (and my ex) time and no contact, I probably wouldn't have been able to see that there are wonderful things right in front of me!

 

Thanks for everyone's support and opinions - I have found them so helpful and understanding!

 

Bella

[Star Gazer]

You don't regret sending him that last "f-off" message?

[Not_That_Innocent]

Well guys,

 

 

not_that_innocent - you are totally right. All through this long, looong process I have had no problem with him wanting to leave, have no contact etc, I just would have liked to have been TOLD what was going on.It just seems so cowardly to not even face up to someone andgive them a simple 'I don't want to be with you any more/have contact with you etc please don't contact me again". I would have been much more accepting of it had that happened!! Have you heard from him at all?

 

 

Bella

 

No, I still haven't heard from him. Our only mode of contact is by phone. I deleted his number from my cell so I won't be tempted to call him. It was a new #, so thank goodness I didn't have time to memorize it. There have been several times that I was tempted to call him, but because I don't know the # I couldn't. I think the only reason why I want to call him is because I need closure. I need to hear the words, leave me alone, let's not be friends, etc. Yet, I don't think he's that type of person. He's selfish and wants to pop in and out of my life whenever it's convenient for HIM.

 

That is why I am glad I deleted his # because me hanging on for him to say the words is not good. I'm pretty sure that I'm not in love with him, but it was a relationship and I need to grieve the loss of the relationship. I need to accept the fact that he may not ever give me the verbal O.K (so to speak) to move on, so I need to move along on my own to get through the grieving process.

 

I am happy for you that your X finally gave you the "word." Sounds like you were ready to move on, but needed that closure in order to do so. Him sending you that message let you know that it was "okay", which is probably why you took it so well. Thanks for the support you have given in the midst of your own problem. Individuals like you is the reason why I continue to come back to this board for support.

[Bella_xx]

hey guys!

 

Stargazer - I only regret sending the 'f off' in that I stooped low enough to even reply to him haha. I thought I would wake up the next day and regret it, but to be honest, i'm happy about it. I've taken back the power that he had over me when he wasn't replying etc, and it was what he was asking for anyway!! So yeah. It feels good. (It also feels good when I see him online and I have no desire to say anything to him, and I can see him opening windows - i get pop ups when someone opens a window with me - and he still says nothing hahah). The closure feels great, and I'm really enjoying the single life again.

 

Not_that_innocent - I was in a situation like this for soooo long. Literally a few years. My advice - get out while you can!! With my guy (who was my neighbour), he would see me when it suited him, it was pretty messy and there was already history involved (he is an ex as well) so we fell in and out of love with each other at different times - on his terms. etc etc. It's so hard because of the way the relationship is, and because of the way they come and go depending on what suits THEM.

 

My ex would disappear for a while, and then suddenly reappear again like nothing was different. I wish I'd been in a position where I could delete his number and cut all contact, but as he lived across my street it wasn't that easy lol. Good on you for taking that step!

 

It sounds like you're taking it pretty well - good luck and keep us posted on it!

 

Bella.

[LoveIsAnInsanity]

Hey Bella,

 

I'm actually going through my own bit of ignoring and I have no idea why he is doing it. The thing that gets me worked up when guys do this, and I was soo surprised that so many guys just ignore, is that when they know you are going to be seeing each other again and you could kick his a$$.

 

I know that No Contact is the best way to go. It makes you stronger, it gives you a chance to really think about what you really want, it helps you move on. Thats what I have been doing for almost two months now and the first month was brutal. Just knowing that he was ignoring me and acting like a jerk.

 

It was easy for me to do No Contact because we had an LDR and I never felt up to calling him but the feeling that I had regarding his behavior was drastic. I thought I would be miserable forever. I thought I could never move on because there was no official closure. Nothing actually. And that's what really make life miserable. You don't know if you should wait or move on. I figured move the hell on, no matter what the deal is!

 

I actually feel great now. I love how No Contact helped me find myself again. It helps you get to the state of, "I really don't care what his deal is, his loss." and you move on. You live life. Maybe you could be friends later on in life. Maybe if it is really meant to be and his so called efed up behavior was a real mistake and he compensates you for it you might get back together someday. Not that he deserves it LOL.

 

The point is we shouldn't tolerate this behavior and I feel sad that we are the ones who have to suffer, that we are the ones trying to find ways to make everything okay again when it's them who efed up. No one should have that kind of power over us.

 

I am happy you are doing so well. (at least he finally gave you closure) Be strong girl. And good luck. Hope good things start coming your way. And don't worry about him. He will get his.

[Bella_xx]

Ok. So this morning started off being a 'bad' one where I missed my ex, and was thinking about him a bit. I worked all day.. and when I got to my locker he'd sent one at 11am.

 

No apologies, or anything. All it said was "Hey... long time no talk. How you been?" WHAT THE HELL?! It made me so mad. What kind of sick jerk plays games like this?!? I havent replied and I'm not going to. But seriously... can someone tell me what the hell is going on here?? lol I WAS sad and missing him a bit, now I don't think I could be more indifferent towards him, or 'over' thje whole thing.

 

How can someone send a message like "we can't be friends", and get my reply (saying that's fine, i'm over it anyway, hjave a nice life... and I haven't contacted him once since) and then think its ok to send a chatty message like that?! Especially after the way he treated me for the last two or so months.

 

Can anyone shed some light on this behaviour?!?! Other than he's trying now to keep in touch to keep options open or something like that??

[Bella_xx]

Mmmkay, so this whole mess is doing my head in now haha. After getting a message out of the blue the other day, I then actually spoke to my ex (briefly, and on msn as per usual :S ). He initiated. and while I knew I shouldn't have responded, I was curious as to what he was playing at. Anwyay he asked if i'd got his message, and i said yes, why did he send it. He said 'ok dont worry about it then'.

This made me really angry, and rather than laeaving it, I basically said 'you know what, you had your chance, I told you when this started that I would have waited, and that I would have liked to be friends, and you told me no. you made your feelings towards me pretty clear over the past few weeks and especially over the weekend when you told me we couldn't be friends, and then you message me suddenly like we're best buddies. What do you want from me?! I don't know what games you're playing but I'm not playing along anymore. He said he'd be right back... and then 5 minutes later sent me a 'nudge'. I waited like 2 minutes more and he said nothing. Then said I had to go and blocked him.

 

I'm moving on, and I know I'm making the right decision in doing so... but his behaviour is absolutely baffling me, especially considering i've done nothing and this has now stemmed from his contact.. All his behaviour seems so inexplicable, and so unlike the person I thought I knew,... Is there any one out there who can understand his telling me we can't be friends on sat night, and then messaging me later in the week so flippantly like it never happened (granted he may not remember sending it... but he would have got my reply to him that night!!)??!?

 

Can someone enlighten me as to what he's playing at?! Has he moved on and expected I had to, so thought he'd just check in? Was it a token gesture of friendship? Is he struggling with moving on, worried that I have and this was a test to see if I'm still waiting? Or is he getting some kind of sick satisfaction from playing some kind of head game? Is there something I'm missing??

 

I'm back in NC mode... but I just don't understand what he's doing lol. Any explanation would be so much appreciated. Thanks guys!

[Divino]

I'm probably one of the least persons to give out advice, but I read this entire thread and came to the conclusion that the whole situation is nothing more than one big power struggle.

 

You both are probably feeling the same way. He doesn't want to feel guilty but you want a sense of closure. Go back to NC, permanently. If he can send you a drunken message like that one night and then a week later act as if nothing happened, then there's something terribly wrong.

 

Block him on Messenger and don't talk to him again. If he ever really wants to talk, let him call you, otherwise, just don't even react to him. Your silence would be the loudest thing to him.

[SadForever]

i can so relate to your questions about his behavior Bella. i've had similar questions about my ex (as of last night) too.. also an LDR situation.

 

i guess it to be a combo of things:

guilt - because some feelings are still there but they cant do what it takes in the relationship

coping style - i dont think guys have the same sense of time as women, when they ignore us for days or weeks i dont think it seems that long to them. i dont think they see ignoring someone they same way as women either..a woman would feel mean if she ignored someone and be conscious of it (emotional), whereas i think when a guy ignores he just shoves it to a back room of his mind and pays no attention (non emotional).

power - could it be good for their ego to keep us hanging on

 

I understand the theory of no contact. it is especially hard to practice when you still have feelings, and your ex seems to feed those feelings with the smallest bits of attention. But all it does is leave you craving more and feeling bad. I like to wonder is someday they'll regret what they threw away. A part of me believes no one will ever love him the way I did, and a part of him will always miss that. I dont think he will ever forget me because i was his "first" in a few different ways.

[justagirliegirl]

i can so relate to your questions about his behavior Bella. i've had similar questions about my ex (as of last night) too.. also an LDR situation.

 

i guess it to be a combo of things:

guilt - because some feelings are still there but they cant do what it takes in the relationship

coping style - i dont think guys have the same sense of time as women, when they ignore us for days or weeks i dont think it seems that long to them. i dont think they see ignoring someone they same way as women either..a woman would feel mean if she ignored someone and be conscious of it (emotional), whereas i think when a guy ignores he just shoves it to a back room of his mind and pays no attention (non emotional).

power - could it be good for their ego to keep us hanging on

 

I understand the theory of no contact. it is especially hard to practice when you still have feelings, and your ex seems to feed those feelings with the smallest bits of attention. But all it does is leave you craving more and feeling bad. I like to wonder is someday they'll regret what they threw away. A part of me believes no one will ever love him the way I did, and a part of him will always miss that. I dont think he will ever forget me because i was his "first" in a few different ways.

 

Guys seem to have a keen sense of time when they are being ignored though. Ignore one for one day and you are likely to get a string of phone calls and messages with where are you? Are you mad at me? and so on.

[SadForever]

Guys seem to have a keen sense of time when they are being ignored though. Ignore one for one day and you are likely to get a string of phone calls and messages with where are you? Are you mad at me? and so on.

 

ha i will have to try that

[ILOVEG]

ha i will have to try that

IM NOW TRYING THE NO CONTACT. THIS MAN GOES MONTHS WITHOUT TALKING TO ME , OTHER THAN ANSWERING THE EMAILS OR TEXT. SOMETIMES HE IGNORS THEM. BUT THERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THAT LITTLE BIT OF CONTACT. WEVE SEEN EACH OTHER OVER 4 YEARS ON AND OFF AND HE HAS TOLD ME HE WANTED ME TO LEAVE HIM ALONE. I TRIED TO KEEP A FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM , SEE HIM ONE DAY AND THEN HE WOULD PISS ME OFF AND HE WOULDNT CONTACT ME FOR MONTHS, TODAY WE ARE BACK TO THE LEAVE ME ALONE , SO THIS TIME HE WILL NOT GET ANY TEXT , EMAILS OR PHONE CALLS FROM ME. I TOLD HIM THIS TIME I WAS DONE WITH IT , HE WOULDNT HEAR ANYTHING FROM ME AGAIN .. HE WOULD HAVE TO MAKE CONTACT WITH ME IF HE WANTED TO TALK ... HE IS A HARD MAN AND CAN WAIT MONTHS, BUT I USUALLY ONLY GO A FEW WEEKS WITHOUT SENDING SOMETHING . HE WILL BE WAITING A LIFETIME IF HE IS WAITING ON ME TO CONTACT HIM AGAIN ...FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS WE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS, AND I HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO PLAY NICE TO GET HIM TO TALK TO ME , NOT ANYMORE... I THINK HE IS JUST KEEPING ME IN THE CORNER JUST IN CASE HE ISNT HAPPY WITH WHAT HE DOES IN THE FUTURE . WHO KNOWS, I THINK HE KINDA KNOWS I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HIM AND THAT NO MATTER WHAT I WOULD BE THERE WAITING ... HE IS FIXING TO SEE A DIFFERNT ME .. ONE WHO DOESNT CONTACT HIM AGAIN ....BEST OF LUCK WITH YOURS

[Not_That_Innocent]

Gosh, Bella. I feel for you. I am going through a similar situation with a guy who was just a friend, but with benefits. He has totally been ignoring me lately and I can't understand why. Our last contact was good, no fighting or anything. I wish that he would be a man about it and just tell me to leave him alone and never talk to him again. Which is what I was trying to do. I did NC for a while, but then he called me. He wanted to know what I was up to and with whom. I told him that he was asking too many questions, which has been his response to me plenty of times.

 

In response to that he said "Wow, that hurts." I didn't believe that though, I mean things he has said and done to me in the past makes me believe that he doesn't have a heart, so to actually think that he's hurt by the fact that I won't answer his questions was unbelieveable. He then said that he was working on a letter to send to me, and that when I read it I would appreciate it. I took it to mean that he felt remorse for all the times he hurt me in the past, by being mean, ignoring my calls and requests, etc. I walked away from that conversation thinking everything was okay with us. He even called the next day to see how I was doing. Since then he hasn't called. And when I call him he won't pick up the phone and won't call me back. I cannot figure out why he is ignoring me. I'm okay with the fact that he's not into me, but be a man about it!

 

Just wanted to share this as a way of saying that you are not alone! By the way, I still haven't gotten his letter.

 

Hi Bella. Would love to hear from you on how things are going since your last post. Also wanted to provide my own update to say that I heard from "Him" today. Apparently, he has been in jail for the last two weeks. At first I didn't believe him because he has been known to lie. But then he started explaining what happened and he broke down and began crying uncontrollaby. We talked long enough for me to get him called down then I told him I had to go. That was closure enough for me!

[Bella_xx]

Jail?! Oh my gosh! I thought I'd heard all the excuses from my ex, but that definitely takes the cake...! haha. Really though, I'm glad you got your closure, and I hope you start to feel much better about the whole situation! Males never cease to amaze with their behaviour lol.

 

After my ex's message, I got a call from him the next monday. We just generally chatted (Ididn't want to bring up the relationship/why he'd been ignoring me etc) and then once that had run out he got awkward... and claimed he'd just called to 'check in' and see how i was, and asked if i'd like to see a movie with him sometime after I had finished exams. I said I'd think about it, and would let him know when I was free. we talked a bit more, he said 'good talking to you' and we hung up. fast forward to friday, and I've decided that I do actually want to see him, even if only for me to make it the last and move on!! So i message him, said I was free after the following friday, but also had to coming monday (long weekend) off if he was free.

 

He called me half an hour later, said he was busy monday day but could do night. I agreed and he said he'd call sat or sun to work it out. Suprise suprise, no call came. I tried calling last night, no answer, and I messaged him and said that 'i didnt know if anything was happening monday night, but that I had a family dinner I had just found out about and couldn't, sorry. If he wanted to hang out, let me know when he's free'. No reply!

 

I am tempted at the moment to leave it a few days and if i don't hear anything, send a text saying that while yeah, i've agreed to contact and a possible catch up, it feels a little more like head games on his part, I'm not interested in the least in playing them, and if he honestly wants to see me and work out a friendship, then to act on it. I know that if I do send it though, that I'm playing into his games even more... so I think I'm back to NC.

 

Funnily enough though, now that he's made contact... I almost feel nothing towards him. At first I racked my brains trying to work out if his offer was a friendship gesture, a power game, or an attempt at reconciliation (and I'll admit, I hoped it was the last one!). Now I feel like I'll take a friendship if it's on offer, anything relationship-like I just don't want to hear about, and anything other... it's time to walk away.