Are you better looking than MM's wife?

[Lizzie60]

earlier that 'looks' don't have much to do with the affair.. in general, I would tend to think that the OW is most of the time much younger and better looking that the spouse.

 

I have only seen a picture of one ...and I can tell that I do look better...

[Meaplus3]

I dated a gentleman who knows Christie Brinkley very well. And he told me that she was one of the meanest, unkind women he had ever met.

 

Therefore, it is inner beauty that matters, not outer.

 

And, BTW, he said he wasn't a bit surprised that her hubby cheated on her. She was a miserable woman to be around....

 

"Therefore, it is inner beauty that matters, not outer."

 

I believe what Freedom said to be very true! I think it's what's on the inside that count's more than the outside.

 

AP:)

[Cliche]

I only saw a picture of her from about 12 years ago and she's very pretty, but we're very different physical types. I am considerably younger than her at this point.

 

But I don't think the R between MM and I is based on how different I do or do not look from his W. He and I have just about everything in common and they have nothing in common. He and I laugh together and they haven't for years. I think those are the things that have fueled this...not the looks. Well, and the sex. We'd all be fools if we didn't admit that As are about the sex (though MM did tell me after a recent freak out that he'd be willing to put the sexual relationship part on hold until he files for divorce if it will make me feel better. I thought that was kinda big of him and I'm thinking about it).

[hardcase]

Ok I'm confused...didn't you say in another post that you despise cheaters and cheating?

 

Nope, never said that.

 

Ariadne

 

Ah...just reread it...you called someone contempuous because they despise cheating. coming from someone that beds down other women's husbands, this makes sense that you would say it.

 

thanks for the clarification.

[Trialbyfire]

I only saw a picture of her from about 12 years ago and she's very pretty, but we're very different physical types. I am considerably younger than her at this point.

 

But I don't think the R between MM and I is based on how different I do or do not look from his W. He and I have just about everything in common and they have nothing in common. He and I laugh together and they haven't for years. I think those are the things that have fueled this...not the looks. Well, and the sex. We'd all be fools if we didn't admit that As are about the sex (though MM did tell me after a recent freak out that he'd be willing to put the sexual relationship part on hold until he files for divorce if it will make me feel better. I thought that was kinda big of him and I'm thinking about it).

 

I think this is a good idea. It will prove once and for all to you whether he's dedicated or it's purely MM lipservice. Isn't he the MM that vows to file by June?

 

-edit: Oops, on topic....there's no doubt that if an OW empowers in ways that the W doesn't, the two would be more compatible partners. As referenced previously, "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" for one of the two women being better looking, as per OP thread opening topic.

[serial muse]

From her previous posts, Sad has been approached by MM; whether she has ever taken them up on it, I don't know.

 

At any rate, I read these kinds of threads as trying to find the silver bullet - is there some way to reduce all the nebulousness and uncertainty surrounding the causes of an affair down, to distill the issue so it can become predictable?

 

Of course, the answer is no. Sometimes the OW is prettier, sometimes she isn't. Sometimes she's sweeter, sometimes she isn't (check out OutofDarkness, for example, who is a BS and seems like one of the sweetest women alive). Sometimes they have more in common, sometimes they have less in common (those contrasts may be what's fueling the fires, or what's putting them out). Who knows? The only thing to know is that it isn't predictable - all you can really do is try to know the kind of person you're with, and assess him/her on an individual basis, not on the basis of others' criteria. But even that can be deceiving.

 

I know it sounds cynical, but I don't mean it that way - I do think it's possible to learn to read people better, and to understand what their boundaries are (the most difficult part is to see another person clearly, who they are by themselves, without inserting yourself into the equation in any way).

 

I just mean to say that on some level, we all have to learn to live with, and sit squarely in, our uncertainties. So while I understand the impulse to try to determine the formula for cheating - believe me, I totally get it - the truth is, there just isn't one that applies across the board, and that's really hard sometimes to accept.

[Trimmer]

with this statement. There was a survey on that, I will look for it.. they interviewed 100 men... 99 said they would if they knew they would never get caught... the other one... was a liar IMO...LOL

 

I have tested that theory... more than once... they always failed.

Please do look for it and cite your reference. Until then, it's no better than a fabrication. Any individual "testing" the theory is meaningless. "LOL"

[TogetherForever]

I'm just wondering if MM is more likely to cheat if his wife has let herself go and I don't mean just getting older, but gaining large amounts of weight, not taking care of what she wears etc.

 

Please don't flame me, I'm genuinly curious since men are very visual if that is a factor in cheating.

 

 

IMO she is prettier, thinner, shorter etc... than me. It doesn't matter though. It's the love that him & I have for one another that they lacked in their marriage:love:.

[TogetherForever]

"Therefore, it is inner beauty that matters, not outer."

 

I believe what Freedom said to be very true! I think it's what's on the inside that count's more than the outside.

 

AP:)

 

DITTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOTHING ON THE INSIDE = NOTHING ON THE OUTSIDE

[Trialbyfire]

In many ways this thread is hilarious in addressing one of the competitive securities/insecurities of women in general. It's the typical female cat fight over which woman is better, basically a thread full of one-upmanship.

 

If all you ladies think about it, what really is the prize? A liar and a cheater? Too funny. :lmao:

[TogetherForever]

In many ways this thread is hilarious in addressing one of the competitive securities/insecurities of women in general. It's the typical female cat fight over which woman is better, basically a thread full of one-upmanship.

 

If all you ladies think about it, what really is the prize? A liar and a cheater? Too funny. :lmao:

 

 

I don't consider my situation as I won the prize.

Maybe the bs's think of it as WOW here's my chance to win a real prize.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't consider my situation as I won the prize.

Maybe the bs's think of it as WOW here's my chance to win a real prize.

Hmmm...just hmmm...

 

Them's is fighting words my dear but...there are better things in life than being part of a three way triangle. The only person that benefits is the liar and the cheater. If he ever leaves his W for you, come back and say the same thing.

 

Anyways, back to topic once more. Each person is as they view themselves, beautiful or otherwise. One person's vomit maybe another's gourmet dinner. It's all in the perception and the individuals involved in the affair. OW versus BW.

[TogetherForever]

Hmmm...just hmmm...

 

Them's is fighting words my dear but...there are better things in life than being part of a three way triangle. The only person that benefits is the liar and the cheater. If he ever leaves his W for you, come back and say the same thing.

 

Anyways, back to topic once more. Each person is as they view themselves, beautiful or otherwise. One person's vomit maybe another's gourmet dinner. It's all in the perception and the individuals involved in the affair. OW versus BW.

 

He did leave his wife. We've been living together for 5 years now. And she also has a s/o.

I'll let ya know if he runs back to her though. Ok.

[Trialbyfire]

He did leave his wife. We've been living together for 5 years now. And she also has a s/o.

I'll let ya know if he runs back to her though. Ok.

Cool! Both of you have made an honest life for yourselves. All I can say is if times get tough, keep your eyes open. We all believed at one time that our men were stronger than they actually were and that they would keep to their vows of fidelity, romantically and legally speaking.

[staystronggirl]

I am not as good looking as his W. But I don't ever ask him to pick up his socks, pick the kids up from school, say I'm too tired, just want to go to bed. He's never seen me mop a floor, cry from being up with a baby for 36 hours, yell at him for not communicating with me...etc etc. I am not his real life, and real life is ugly sometimes. I agree 100% w/ poster that it's not looks it's how I make him feel about himself.

I am writing this because I'm trying to leave and I need to start being honest.

[norajane]

In many ways this thread is hilarious in addressing one of the competitive securities/insecurities of women in general. It's the typical female cat fight over which woman is better, basically a thread full of one-upmanship.

 

It's interesting that it turned into that. Most of the replies don't even answer the original question:

 

I'm just wondering if MM is more likely to cheat if his wife has let herself go and I don't mean just getting older, but gaining large amounts of weight, not taking care of what she wears etc.

The OP is asking if a significant change in a spouse's appearance makes a MM more likely to cheat. Not whether the OW is better looking, but whether that change - the W "letting herself go" - triggers cheating.

 

I see it more as a question about MM's expectations of their wives and if those expectations are disappointed, will he be more likely to cheat. This question might have gotten a different set of responses if asked in a different forum, one that isn't full of OW and BS's, but just MM who may or may not have ever cheated. And maybe it could have been asked of them: Would you be more likely to cheat if your wife let herself go during your marriage?

 

Granted, her thread title asks a different question, the one most people have answered. But I think that's a less interesting question than what's actually asked in her post.

[Melissa277]

If CB was such a wench, why'd he marry her? Oh, yeah, she rich and beautiful. LOL!

 

And Hardcase, I'm sorry about what you're going through. It's certainly not easy. Do you believe that he actually tried to tell me that she just wouldn't leave him alone? Although after reading Ariadne's post saying that it probably wouldn't have happened if she hadn't been such a pest, maybe I should believe him. He still swears to this day that he not only didn't love her, he didn't even LIKE her. He is a dork!

 

And I am much better looking than OW and I did say "You F***ed that?"

Too funny!

[Freedom Now]

If CB was such a wench, why'd he marry her? Oh, yeah, she rich and beautiful. LOL!

 

I'm just telling you what I was told...

 

My gentleman friend is also very good friends with Billy Joel, who also saw her less than beautiful side.

 

I was told that she is completely self centered and unfriendly. Beauty only takes a person so far...and an ugly personality can make a person quite unattractive. But we can't see it for we don't know her personally....We just see her beautiful face...just what she WANTS us to see...

 

There has to be substance inside of the that pretty body to be truly beautiful...

[serial muse]

It's interesting that it turned into that. Most of the replies don't even answer the original question:

 

The OP is asking if a significant change in a spouse's appearance makes a MM more likely to cheat. Not whether the OW is better looking, but whether that change - the W "letting herself go" - triggers cheating.

 

I see it more as a question about MM's expectations of their wives and if those expectations are disappointed, will he be more likely to cheat. This question might have gotten a different set of responses if asked in a different forum, one that isn't full of OW and BS's, but just MM who may or may not have ever cheated. And maybe it could have been asked of them: Would you be more likely to cheat if your wife let herself go during your marriage?

 

Granted, her thread title asks a different question, the one most people have answered. But I think that's a less interesting question than what's actually asked in her post.

 

 

An excellent point, NJ. I also didn't address this question, and it is interesting. I can say, in my case, that I didn't let myself go, so from a sample size of one, it isn't true. I looked (and still do) good.

 

But the larger question, of how "change" might trigger an affair, is an interesting one. Judging from what I've read of the few MM who do post here (and in the infidelity board), it seems like there's a more distant effect from a wife "letting herself go" - to wit, she may feel less sexy, less attractive, less inclined to be intimate as she gets older/more stressed/has kids, and ultimately perhaps it's the resulting decline of their sex lives and intimacy that is a possible trigger.

 

But again, there's no silver bullet. That scenario wasn't really true for me and the exH.

 

So I think that it's also worth noting that lots of MM are simply at a certain phase in their own lives - and that change, internally triggered, may have as much or more to do with the start of an affair as anything else. The BS may look fantastic and still be ready and sexy in bed, but it's irrelevant if he's got issues.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

coming from someone that beds down other women's husbands, this makes sense that you would say it.

 

And I bed him so good.

 

o m f g

 

Ariadne

[BurriedAlive]

A wise man once told me that a man is only as faithful as his options.....

 

Anyway, I could never understand when MM used to say: "you are so good looking, smart and sweet - everyone wants you." If that's the case, then why didn't he want me???? I am better looking that W. I am 29 she is 43. I have blond hair and blue eyes and a good education. People tell me I am very pretty. She is just ordinary looking. She used to be very large but has lost some weight in the past year. She stays at home and has never worked.

 

But I think it all came down to the ego boost that MM got because a pretty 29 year old blond wanted him so much. He had it all until he got caught.

[sadbuttrue]

one woman's trash is another woman's treasure or something like that i think

[Impudent Oyster]

I am not as good looking as his W. But I don't ever ask him to pick up his socks, pick the kids up from school, say I'm too tired, just want to go to bed. He's never seen me mop a floor, cry from being up with a baby for 36 hours, yell at him for not communicating with me...etc etc. I am not his real life, and real life is ugly sometimes. I agree 100% w/ poster that it's not looks it's how I make him feel about himself.

I am writing this because I'm trying to leave and I need to start being honest.

 

IT will get real honest if and when he does get a wiff of the "real" you.

 

Seriously, what kind of loser bails on his wife because she's been up with HIS baby for 36 hours? And what a shrew of a wife, actually asking him to pick up HIS kids from school or not to be a slob and throw his socks on the floor.

 

Sounds like he wants a servant, not a partner.

[Impudent Oyster]

But I think it all came down to the ego boost that MM got because a pretty 29 year old blond wanted him so much. He had it all until he got caught.

 

So if you wanted him so much and he got caught, why didn't he leave to be with the prize (you)?

[Impudent Oyster]

Hi,

 

And I bed him so good.

 

 

Congratulations, that and 2.00 will get you a cup of coffee, and a lying sack of poop who will do anything possible to keep the sex coming and you a deep dark secret.

 

Wow, where do I get some of that action? (I know, the answer to that is, anywhere).