Are you better looking than MM's wife?

[Tomcat33]

I think the OW should have enough respect for ANY W to stay clear of MMs.

I also think a H should have enough respect for his W to steer clear of (potential) OWs.

I think it has everything to do with disrespect to the W, all the way around, and when it comes down to it, SHE is the most disrespected in of all.

 

it's about, in the H's opinion and the OW's opinion, them and what they want. And 99% of the time it's about the sex.

 

 

Now, I'm gonna climb down from my pedestal.

 

I totally agree! What baffles me though is that you are ready and willing to dispise a stranger who disrepects you, and willing to forgive and share the re rest of your life next to a NON-stranger the person who chose to charish and love you for better or worse who disrespected you in the worst possible way. That just makes no sense to me!

The person who should matter most to you is the one that hurt you most yet you keep him by your side.

 

 

It is so NOT 99% of the time about sex. Maybe in your case it was but you cannot make that kind of generalizaiton about all A. A's are so complex and it is about all sorts of needs that are being unmet, some realistic, some not and some downright selfish. But it's not 99% about sex.

yes the sex is incredible but it is on top of all the other stuff that is shared that makes the sex so good.

[Tomcat33]

I think forgiving the H and forgiving the xOW is different.

 

If the H works on his M, then that in itself is forgiveable, if the W chooses to and stays with him.

On the other hand, you get an xOW who has no respect, no remorse, and isn't sorry for what she did to you, the BW and your & H's kids, then who would be "generous" to a POS like that?

Not me.

The only thing she deserves is the beat down from the next MM's W she sleeps with.

 

 

I see what you are say re forgiveness for the OW that has 0 remorse I can see that and get it!

 

On the other hand as far as I am concerned it doesn't matter how hard the man works towards that marriage after the fact you can NEVER erase or take back what he did. It is a lifelong memory you will have for as long as you look into his eyes.

And he never suffered even close to what you did. you think putting him in house arrest of whatever happens immediately after the A so that he can redeem himself even compares to your pain? NAhhhhhh whatever he had to do to get you back, to win you over is a walk in the park for him in comparisson to the pain he caused you.

AND on top of it you always have the doubt he could do it again...gees talk about living a martyr life. I think you women are extremely sacraficed.

 

THIS is why I could never stay with a man who cheated on me.

At least that is how I justify it in my head just too selfish for that crap. LOL

[shellys-trying]

I totally agree! What baffles me though is that you are ready and willing to dispise a stranger who disrepects you, and willing to forgive and share the re rest of your life next to a NON-stranger the person who chose to charish and love you for better or worse who disrespected you in the worst possible way. That just makes no sense to me!

The person who should matter most to you is the one that hurt you most yet you keep him by your side.

 

Forgiveness is obviously something you have no concept of. I can forgive the man I spent (then) 12 yrs with, because I looked at him and saw the remorse, the love, the regret of what he did. That is why I forgave him and accepted him back. That's all the point I aim to make to you or anyone else. It's good enough for me.

And the fact that a total stranger who didn't know me from Adam could do that to me, is the reason she's crap under my heel. I can't do that to a stranger, to take a woman's H and sleep with him, not giving a rat's a** if it hurts her or her kids? If you can, you have no conscience.

 

 

It is so NOT 99% of the time about sex. Maybe in your case it was but you cannot make that kind of generalizaiton about all A. A's are so complex and it is about all sorts of needs that are being unmet, some realistic, some not and some downright selfish. But it's not 99% about sex.

yes the sex is incredible but it is on top of all the other stuff that is shared that makes the sex so good.

 

Why doesn't the MM get a D? I want to knnow the reasonable, believeable explanation of that question? No bull about he's staying for the kids, the dog, his grandma, whatever! Men do what they wanna do. Why doesn't the MM get a D and be with the OW?

[shellys-trying]

I see what you are say re forgiveness for the OW that has 0 remorse I can see that and get it!

 

On the other hand as far as I am concerned it doesn't matter how hard the man works towards that marriage after the fact you can NEVER erase or take back what he did. It is a lifelong memory you will have for as long as you look into his eyes.

And he never suffered even close to what you did. you think putting him in house arrest of whatever happens immediately after the A so that he can redeem himself even compares to your pain? NAhhhhhh whatever he had to do to get you back, to win you over is a walk in the park for him in comparisson to the pain he caused you.

AND on top of it you always have the doubt he could do it again...gees talk about living a martyr life. I think you women are extremely sacraficed.

 

THIS is why I could never stay with a man who cheated on me.

At least that is how I justify it in my head just too selfish for that crap. LOL

 

 

 

Maybe a few yrs ago I would have dwelt on the words you've posted above, but now?

Nahh...I'm not in that hole anymore. you have no idea how good it feels to say that...and mean it.

What he's done, said, and acted and loved, for me, makes up for that and more.

Yeah, I'm very selfsih. If I love then I want and demand the same amount given back, especailly where my H is concerned.

Glad to say, he's comin' thru with that love just fine now. I love the big lug.

 

And the walk in the park? It ain't for him. I see it in his face sometimes, and hear it in his voice. I know what he goes thru now. I think I'm better off now than he is. That's not a brag.

I think it's harder for him to forgive himself than it was for me to forgive him. But, we do ok.

[shellys-trying]

AND on top of it you always have the doubt he could do it again...gees talk about living a martyr life. I think you women are extremely sacraficed.

 

That's an OW way of looking at it, Tomcat. I don't have any doubt, not anymore. A W always does in the beginning, but nahh, not now.

You're starting to sound, I don't know, almost spiteful in your opinions of what my H will and will not do where cheating is concerned.

Aren't you now presuming alot?

 

If that's the case, since you aren't with that xMM anymore, maybe with that bad "episode" in your past , you should steer clear of all MMs, since it didn't work out in your favor?

[Tomcat33]

Why doesn't the MM get a D? I want to knnow the reasonable, believeable explanation of that question? No bull about he's staying for the kids, the dog, his grandma, whatever! Men do what they wanna do. Why doesn't the MM get a D and be with the OW?

 

 

You wanna know why? I'll tell you why....I'll tell you the true reason why as I see it and I was having this conversation with some guy friends of mine just this weekend and they were the ones who came up with and "upgraded" version of my vision:

 

this is what I say:

 

Marriage is not just "I love you and we are one and we live as best friends lovers and mates" it is all the other material stuff, the life together with other couples, the whole package, the house, the car, the shared friends, the comfort of barbQing come summer VS renting an apartment and not barbqing, the home cooked meals, the tv and dinner is serves, computer in the den and dinner is served, the bills paid the weekend cottage, the extra INCOME, the combined credit, the joint accound, having laundry done, the whole thing. It's a whole bunch of material stuff that one benefits from in being in a marriage. And starting over on your own is DAMN scary.

 

 

I can only speak for what I think the reasoning is for the men, because women seem to be more determined that if they have an A it is a done deal they WANT OUT of the marriage, they don't care about the house the car anything they just want the new man and the new life THEY WILL MANAGE somehow, and they do. Women tend to have more of the survivor bone in them. Sorry guys...

 

When a guy has his A/As he is faced with having to make a decision which he was not seriously contemplating until the A starts, he has to part with house, car, mom, friend, mom to kids, maid, all of the above none of the above or simply the HUGE HASSLE of having to sell everyhting and start again from scratch in a little apartment. LEAVING THE STATUS BEHIND.

 

So if a woman forgives him for his "mistake" he knows that not only he can keep all his comforts put his feet up on the coffe table, and expect his nice meal....but sometime down the road when the going get rough again he can go out and pull it off again because the worst he got off on was a slap on the wrist to BE NICE TO ME AND SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME....basically act for me! So the guy says CAN DO! No problem.

Heck men have been known to kiss a lot of ass and to do the unimaginable to avoid losing a business don't be surprised he will do the same at home.

she forgave me one time she won't leave me if I do it right next time. NO matter how you slice it HE get's to stay in his comfort zone with the woman who TAKES IT ALL.

The women feel just as helpless in wanting to have to start all over again so they forigve them and there stays the union.

It ain't love it's comfrot! Sorry

 

THAT'S why divorce won't happen!

 

 

THAT is why I will NEVER accomodate a cheater. I don't care if I have to start from scratch 10 times, I am a fighter I am not afraid to lose it all and start again, I have lost it all and buuilt myself up from scratch and I'll do it again. BUT the the guy who chooses to go down that route better be a fighter too because he ain't sticking around MY pad,. He is starting from scratch again and he is losing what he had. If you cross the line as far as I'm concerned you already lost what you had. For me there is no turning back. I won't let some selfritous coward ruin the rest of my life.

 

What my guy friends say: marriage is a business once you enter it, you have to put all your feelings aside and think with your head...as depressiong as this is going to sound, they said the type of men who cheat and won't leave (not all but alot) are ones who accepted they will not feel the same for their women but the business if far more important than feeling excitement over love or feeling passion.

 

I found this a bit harsh but I can see some truth in that people do tend to settle....

 

My ex guy wanted me to go over to his house when we first started dating and his W was out of the country, he wanted me to see how nice his house was how well he lived. He really wanted me to see the HOUSE!

Of course I refused as if I would set foot in their home while she was out of town!?!? Point being a nice house and the comfy sat in chair is HARD to part for them.

 

 

 

It all depends what type of person you are are you the

 

better to be alone than in bad company

or

or better to have someone than to be alone

[Tomcat33]

That's an OW way of looking at it, Tomcat. I don't have any doubt, not anymore. A W always does in the beginning, but nahh, not now.

You're starting to sound, I don't know, almost spiteful in your opinions of what my H will and will not do where cheating is concerned.

Aren't you now presuming alot?

 

If that's the case, since you aren't with that xMM anymore, maybe with that bad "episode" in your past , you should steer clear of all MMs, since it didn't work out in your favor?

 

 

Yes you do, c'mon that never leaves you. You'd be really naive to trust him 100% of course you still must have your doubts. I've read the stuff you write on other posts it doesn't leave you even after 6 years. And I dont blame you you can't shake that off ever!

You can control it but never get rid of it.

[mopar crazy]

Hmmmm so let me see if I understood correctly, OW is 75% to blame.

Because the "skank" knew he was married with children.

And a mere 25% is your H's fault for forgettting he was married and had children.

WOW that seems a fair way to break down the blame!!!

 

 

So given your reasoning and because your poor H was so pursued by this evil relentless "skank" (another skank that's two skanks in one little thread)

then the only thing that made your husband stray and kept you loyal was the fact that a man didn't pursue you hard enough outside of your marriage otherwise you too can see how you would be 25% to blame for having an affair on your husband?

 

 

 

Yes you're absolutely right in one thing H could have said NO to her no matter how much she insisted. No is a word we are all equiped to use. At least you were willing to attribute 25% blame to him for not doing that. It would be a real shame to let him get away with so much, because what's next murder?

 

Lastly he was appalled that the OW asked him about his premature ejaculate problem (prob mastrubates too much that is one of the common reasons for premature ejaculation) yet it didn't seem to appall him TOO much because he kept sleeping with her anyway.....

 

Ok, giving 75% for chasing, catching (even for a short amount of time) is a little more than what I should give her. I will be fair and put 60% of the blame on her. Does that sound more fair for a woman who chases, pursues, and wont stop until she gets what she wants? If she wouldn't of pursued him so damn hard then he wouldn't have had an A w/ her now would he? Oh, now I'm gonna hear from you and probably OW "If it wouldn't of been her it would of been someone else." right? My H and I were together 13 years and M 11. If he was a cheater he would of cheated on me way b4 then.

 

And a man did pursue me in our M but I told him I was flattered by the things he said, that he wanted to reunite and rekindled what we had years ago I was not going there. He was my first real love and if he wasn't M and I wasn't I would of rekindled what we had. I stay faithful to my H b/c I wouldn't want him to go through the hurt I did, plus it's against every moral I have. H was a selfish jerk when he had his A. He only cared about his needs, wants, instead of how it would destroy me and our kids. And comparing infediltiy and murder is like comparing apple and oranges! They are no where alike. If I chose to have my H have an A vs. murdering someone I would rather have him have an A.

 

My H wasn't the one w/ the premature ejaculation problem, it was her H and if what you say holds true about masturbating and premature ejaculations I wouldn't doubt it in his case. H was not sleeping w/ her at the time of her little premature ejaculation comment. They didn't sleep together until months later.

[OpenBook]

It ain't love it's comfrot! Sorry

 

THAT'S why divorce won't happen!

 

What my guy friends say: marriage is a business once you enter it, you have to put all your feelings aside and think with your head...as depressiong as this is going to sound, they said the type of men who cheat and won't leave (not all but alot) are ones who accepted they will not feel the same for their women but the business if far more important than feeling excitement over love or feeling passion.

 

Point being a nice house and the comfy sat in chair is HARD to part for them.

 

Tomcat, my mouth is hanging open, and my glass is raised to you. You've just blown the lid off this whole thing. I admire you for your courage. And I pray that you are the scrappy fighter you say you are, because you are about to get SLAMMED.

[shellys-trying]

You wanna know why? I'll tell you why....I'll tell you the true reason why as I see it and I was having this conversation with some guy friends of mine just this weekend and they were the ones who came up with and "upgraded" version of my vision:

 

this is what I say:

 

Marriage is not just "I love you and we are one and we live as best friends lovers and mates" it is all the other material stuff, the life together with other couples, the whole package, the house, the car, the shared friends, the comfort of barbQing come summer VS renting an apartment and not barbqing, the home cooked meals, the tv and dinner is serves, computer in the den and dinner is served, the bills paid the weekend cottage, the extra INCOME, the combined credit, the joint accound, having laundry done, the whole thing. It's a whole bunch of material stuff that one benefits from in being in a marriage. And starting over on your own is DAMN scary.

 

I think if a man wants to be with the OW he will. You see, men tend to do exactly what they want, when they want. If they're selfish and self serving.

I think if the MM wants to be with the OW there is no force or excuse, no bbq-ing with W or baseball games with his kids that'll dissuade him.

 

I think MMs choose the W, simply because he realizes(sometimes too late)who he really wants to be with, and his W seems to nearly always be that choice.

It has alot to do with what you said above, but all i all, when the day is done, he knows his W, he loves his W, and that's why he goes home. Because what and who he loves is there, at home.

[shellys-trying]

Yes you do, c'mon that never leaves you. You'd be really naive to trust him 100% of course you still must have your doubts. I've read the stuff you write on other posts it doesn't leave you even after 6 years. And I dont blame you you can't shake that off ever!

You can control it but never get rid of it.

 

Yep, I am naive, all over again. Naively inlove with my H.

It's really resorceful of you to go and read up on all my other posts, but when the day is done, I love the guy. i despise the skank, but I love the guy.

There ya go again with that whole OW mentality. ya know, skank tried that on me. Where is she now? (sigh)

You live and learn.

No, I won't ever forget the past, unless Alzheimer's sets in, LOL, but it doesn't rule me. I look at what H does for me now. The person he is now, and I'm over his part.

[Tomcat33]

Ok, giving 75% for chasing, catching (even for a short amount of time) is a little more than what I should give her. I will be fair and put 60% of the blame on her. Does that sound more fair for a woman who chases, pursues, and wont stop until she gets what she wants? If she wouldn't of pursued him so damn hard then he wouldn't have had an A w/ her now would he? Oh, now I'm gonna hear from you and probably OW "If it wouldn't of been her it would of been someone else." right? My H and I were together 13 years and M 11. If he was a cheater he would of cheated on me way b4 then.

 

And a man did pursue me in our M but I told him I was flattered by the things he said, that he wanted to reunite and rekindled what we had years ago I was not going there. He was my first real love and if he wasn't M and I wasn't I would of rekindled what we had. I stay faithful to my H b/c I wouldn't want him to go through the hurt I did, plus it's against every moral I have. H was a selfish jerk when he had his A. He only cared about his needs, wants, instead of how it would destroy me and our kids. And comparing infediltiy and murder is like comparing apple and oranges! They are no where alike. If I chose to have my H have an A vs. murdering someone I would rather have him have an A.

 

My H wasn't the one w/ the premature ejaculation problem, it was her H and if what you say holds true about masturbating and premature ejaculations I wouldn't doubt it in his case. H was not sleeping w/ her at the time of her little premature ejaculation comment. They didn't sleep together until months later.

 

 

Mopar: the percentage is not for me it is for you, to me it is irrelevant what%# you give to whom. You are choosing to excuse your H based on % of fault when he was the one married to you, not the OW.

 

so ok you want to make it 60% because the OW pursued him agressively who did not stop until she got what she wanted. SO if you had encountered the same in a man, basically a man who came on to you agressively and would not stop until he got what he wanted, that means you too would have been 40% to blame for cheating on your H.

 

Let me turn the tables around let's say you have a man who is very agressive and will not take no for an answer, will you accept it?

 

On a side note I am not sure what you situation was like exactly (didn't your H file for D?) but people get agressive in the pursuit in the A it appears when they are promised things they are not getting, when hopes are high because words are spoken and actions don't match.

 

I have heard it so many times by the BS and the cheater himself, that the OW was relenteless and pursued the H. Well it appears maybe the H is still not being honest because in many of those instances the reason the woman pursues is because the man leads her on. Of course there are exceptions but please don't kid yourself that ALL OW are man eaters out to steal. According to what I read a lot are quite the opposite but in the peak of the romance, they just want what is promised to them that's all.

They are pursuing based on the green light given by the man.

 

 

Sorry I miseunderstood about the preme thing ;-) thought it was your H.

[shellys-trying]

Tomcat, my mouth is hanging open, and my glass is raised to you. You've just blown the lid off this whole thing. I admire you for your courage. And I pray that you are the scrappy fighter you say you are, because you are about to get SLAMMED.

 

Wow, and my assumption about MMs picking ugly OWs was questioned...LOL

 

I'd love to see the official statistics on that statement.

It ain't love it's comfrot! Sorry

 

"THAT'S why divorce won't happen!

 

What my guy friends say: marriage is a business once you enter it, you have to put all your feelings aside and think with your head...as depressiong as this is going to sound, they said the type of men who cheat and won't leave (not all but alot) are ones who accepted they will not feel the same for their women but the business if far more important than feeling excitement over love or feeling passion.

 

Point being a nice house and the comfy sat in chair is HARD to part for them."

 

yep, keep believin' that one. If it makes you feel better, Tomcat. You've got some way cool "guy" friends.

They must have left out the part where their OW wasn't all that afterall. I guess the new and exciting wore off fast.

[shellys-trying]

Mopar: the percentage is not for me it is for you, to me it is irrelevant what%# you give to whom. You are choosing to excuse your H based on % of fault when he was the one married to you, not the OW.

 

so ok you want to make it 60% because the OW pursued him agressively who did not stop until she got what she wanted. SO if you had encountered the same in a man, basically a man who came on to you agressively and would not stop until he got what he wanted, that means you too would have been 40% to blame for cheating on your H.

 

Let me turn the tables around let's say you have a man who is very agressive and will not take no for an answer, will you accept it?

 

On a side note I am not sure what you situation was like exactly (didn't your H file for D?) but people get agressive in the pursuit in the A it appears when they are promised things they are not getting, when hopes are high because words are spoken and actions don't match.

 

I have heard it so many times by the BS and the cheater himself, that the OW was relenteless and pursued the H. Well it appears maybe the H is still not being honest because in many of those instances the reason the woman pursues is because the man leads her on. Of course there are exceptions but please don't kid yourself that ALL OW are man eaters out to steal. According to what I read a lot are quite the opposite but in the peak of the romance, they just want what is promised to them that's all.

They are pursuing based on the green light given by the man.

 

 

Sorry I miseunderstood about the preme thing ;-) thought it was your H.

 

I think (and correct me if I'm wrong here)what TC is trying to say, Mopar, is that the OW made no vows to you, like your H did.

[Tomcat33]

Tomcat, my mouth is hanging open, and my glass is raised to you. You've just blown the lid off this whole thing. I admire you for your courage. And I pray that you are the scrappy fighter you say you are, because you are about to get SLAMMED.

 

Openbook I am not looking for a scrap LOL

we are just exchanging opinions

Shelley asked why D doesn't happen that is just MY take on it, nothing more. And the last part was my guy friends speaking as men. I just quoted them. I am fighter in life yes, when I get knocked down I pick myself backup and move on, which is prob why my standars are maybe high for other's views. I won't settle and that's the reason I am no longer with the Mguy because I wouldn't settle for his excuses I wouldn't settel for waiting for him to file for D it got me fed up and I pushed him away. I wanted actions when his actions didn't match up I called hi bluff, put all my feelings aside, put all my love aside and just put a stop to it all.

 

You see that's why I would rather lose the love of my life and be certain in a betrayal situation than keep him and live the rest of my days in doubt. Is he with me beacause of me or because he was just too damn lazy to go trough with the process of divorce. Plain and simple.

Who needs that? I certainly don't so "buh-bye"! People make mistakes but not THOSE kinds of mistakes, you have to be willing to lose it all if you want to make that kind of mistake.

[Tomcat33]

yep, keep believin' that one. If it makes you feel better, Tomcat. You've got some way cool "guy" friends.

They must have left out the part where their OW wasn't all that afterall. I guess the new and exciting wore off fast.

 

No it actually it makes feel sad that people will settle, that's all. My friends ARE cool. They are men, I can't be held accountable for how men think....

 

 

Perhaps the OW wasn't all that, but she was definitely enough to keep the lie going for months, a year or 3. she was enough to spend the family money on her, she was enough to tell he that he loved her, she was enough to share the intimate details of your marriage and your faults, she was enough to sleep in her bed and most sad of all she was enough to risk losing you the kids and comfort, to betray the family, in the lowest form possible.

 

Is it about the worth of the OW or the worth the cheater puts on his W and family?

[OpenBook]

And the walk in the park? It ain't for him. I see it in his face sometimes, and hear it in his voice. I know what he goes thru now. I think I'm better off now than he is. That's not a brag.

I think it's harder for him to forgive himself than it was for me to forgive him. But, we do ok.

 

You think? Well, go ahead - keep playing those ugly games. Good luck with that in your marriage.

[shellys-trying]

Openbook I am not looking for a scrap LOL

we are just exchanging opinions

Shelley asked why D doesn't happen that is just MY take on it, nothing more. And the last part was my guy friends speaking as men. I just quoted them. I am fighter in life yes, when I get knocked down I pick myself backup and move on, which is prob why my standars are maybe high for other's views. I won't settle and that's the reason I am no longer with the Mguy because I wouldn't settle for his excuses I wouldn't settel for waiting for him to file for D it got me fed up and I pushed him away. I wanted actions when his actions didn't match up I called hi bluff, put all my feelings aside, put all my love aside and just put a stop to it all.

 

You see that's why I would rather lose the love of my life and be certain in a betrayal situation than keep him and live the rest of my days in doubt. Is he with me beacause of me or because he was just too damn lazy to go trough with the process of divorce. Plain and simple.

Who needs that? I certainly don't so "buh-bye"! People make mistakes but not THOSE kinds of mistakes, you have to be willing to lose it all if you want to make that kind of mistake.

 

i would be impressed to hear you swore off all MMs.

Was that MM the last or are you willing to give another one a go?

[shellys-trying]

No it actually it makes feel sad that people will settle, that's all. My friends ARE cool. They are men, I can't be held accountable for how men think....

 

 

Perhaps the OW wasn't all that, but she was definitely enough to keep the lie going for months, a year or 3. she was enough to spend the family money on her, she was enough to tell he that he loved her, she was enough to share the intimate details of your marriage and your faults, she was enough to sleep in her bed and most sad of all she was enough to risk losing you the kids and comfort, to betray the family, in the lowest form possible.

 

Is it about the worth of the OW or the worth the cheater puts on his W and family?

 

She was an easy piece.

Wait, didn't I say that before. Yeah, the 3 month A was something H regrets. But, no money was spent on her, well, unless you count that 89 cent bottle of pop.

[shellys-trying]

You think? Well, go ahead - keep playing those ugly games. Good luck with that in your marriage.

 

Ugly games? Please be so kind as to explain?

[Tomcat33]

i would be impressed to hear you swore off all MMs.

Was that MM the last or are you willing to give another one a go?

 

 

It's a fair question considering you have equated me to the "skank" your H was with....

 

 

It was my first and last. I am disgusted in MM who make passes at me, always have been always will be. This situation came out of left field we worked together and we became emotionally very close. We shared a lot together and before we knew it we were in way over our heads emotionally speaking, it was just too intense. the only reason I went for it was because he assured me he was out of that marriage and wanted out. He moved out and showed me he was serious about wanting to leave the marriage. Our rel then was lived as a normal one. There were no children and according to his friends and family the marriage was doomed from day one. Too many factors were taken into account in order for me to accept getting involved with him that made sense (in my head at the time) . but would this happen to me again?

 

NOT IN A MILLION years.

[Tomcat33]

She was an easy piece.

Wait, didn't I say that before. Yeah, the 3 month A was something H regrets. But, no money was spent on her, well, unless you count that 89 cent bottle of pop.

 

 

Fine in your situation perahps not. But how can you make blanket statements like "OW wasn't all that afterall. I guess the new and exciting wore off fast" to explain why he won't D and then bring it back to your situation specifically to respond to my retallliation!?!?

 

 

I am speaking in more broad terms, A's are not just what happened to you or me, there is a whole gammit of scenarios within.

 

But the one common denominator is they are all based on lies, BOTH ways. The difference is OW chooses to believe the lies during the A and the BS choosed to believe the lies AFTER the A.

 

And by the way my friends never had an affair they are just men. One is married the other is single.

[shellys-trying]

The only thing I have equated you with the skank my H cheated with is the words OW.

You just seem like you don't feel guilty about the whole MM thing.

Why didn't you tell him get a D then come see you? That I could understand.

 

I didn't bother to go back and read up on your stuff(if you had any posts about your situation) simply because it wasn't that important to try and get something over on you.

 

My H cheated, I forgave him because he became forgiveable. Period. The xOW, well, I've heard thru the grapevine she's still the same old, same old. I don't owe her anything.

maybe someday she'll reap what she's sewn. One can hope.

 

I can believe people make mistakes, and are remorseful of those things, and when they show they are making a valiant effort to not make those mistakes again, well, I'm all happy for them.

I guess only time will tell.

I love my H enough to believe in him again, like I did when we M.

[shellys-trying]

Fine in your situation perahps not. But how can you make blanket statements like "OW wasn't all that afterall. I guess the new and exciting wore off fast" to explain why he won't D and then bring it back to your situation specifically to respond to my retallliation!?!?

 

 

I am speaking in more broad terms, A's are not just what happened to you or me, there is a whole gammit of scenarios within.

 

But the one common denominator is they are all based on lies, BOTH ways. The difference is OW chooses to believe the lies during the A and the BS choosed to believe the lies AFTER the A.

 

And by the way my friends never had an affair they are just men. One is married the other is single.

 

And an OW chooses to help the MM in his lies to the W. Don't the OWs in majority keep the secret? Maybe not in your case, as you've stated.

[Tomcat33]

The only thing I have equated you with the skank my H cheated with is the words OW.

 

You just seem like you don't feel guilty about the whole MM thing.

Why didn't you tell him get a D then come see you? That I could understand.

 

 

Well the problem is that you never use the word OW your choice in words is always "skank". Considering it is 6 years since the A and things are wonderful in your marriage you still carry and awful lot of resentment towards this woman. I don't see why you are still threatened by her? Or at least it appears that way in your agressive choice in words. And especially since it was just a three month romp on the hay....?

 

 

I welcome you to click on my back posts if you care to, for background on my story, quite frankly I don't feel like retyping the same old same old again.

 

As per my guilt or "lack there of", I think that is something I have worked on taking into account all the many other emotions this past relationship has evoked in me. But my growth or lack there of is personal. Telling you what I have learned form this experience is not going to help my progress, putting my new found knowledge into practice, is.

 

Now if you were an OW looking for advice, then I can offer as much as you are willing to take in. Otherwise I don't see the point.