Are you better looking than MM's wife?

[bullhunter]

Let's just agree to disagree. Now I've got to go.

[serial muse]

I agree with the WS self-esteem issue - my exH said he felt intimidated by what I was doing with my career (I wasn't in his face about it, but I just happened to be in a high-profile career) while he was really floundering. Oh, the hours we spent talking about what he wanted to do with his life; I tried hard to follow along and be enthusiastic about the various career changes (he changed careers 5 times in the 7 years we were together) but it was hard to know what to be supportive of after a while. It still burns me up how hard I tried to build up his self-esteem and courage to follow his dreams...and all the while, he was undermining me, because of my own dreams. Argh. He admitted, later on, that he resented my success, even as he also admitted that I didn't do anything to earn that resentment. I just wanted him to be happy too.

 

The one thing the OW had that I didn't, I think, is that she was much younger and was therefore less formed as a person. She didn't make him feel bad about himself, simply because of who she was - a server in his restaurant, not sure what to do with herself, not intimidating in any way. That's one of the things he only admitted in therapy (not about her, but about me) - that he resented me and felt like he couldn't compete. Ironically, I never felt like I was in competition with him. But those were his issues, his insecurities, and in the end there was just nothing I could do about them. It was all in his head. So there you go.

[Tomcat33]

I think choosing to want or be with a guy who is M in itself is disrespecting one's self.

Where the W taking a cheater back, well, MOST times the W has a history w/ her WH, and sometimes, just sometimes, that H doesn't cheat again. (as mine is a very good example).

No, IMO, if a woman chooses a guy who's M, she doesn't have a very big opinion of herself, to have anything to do with a MM.

Think about it. If all these OWs are soooo attractive, why are they settleing for a MM when they can have any SG they desire? Just sayin'.

 

Where the love and choice comment is concerned, well, it's not really love if all you're doing is having sex with the guy.

I'm sure you're MM is very generous to you, right? but if he was that generous, he'd D his W and be with you full time. Who cares about the kids, the bills, what the neighbors/family/friends/coworkers would say. it's all about love and being smack dab in the middle of it, right?

This is just my opinion of course.

 

Your double standard JUST KILLS ME. LOL

 

If it's about self esteem in the OW and not in the BS because she shares "history" with the man then does that mean that if a stranger slashes a deep cut in your arm with a knife VS your best friend whom you have history with you would forgive your best friend for hurting you but not a stranger because with the stranger you don't share any sort of past? C'mon pain is pain, in fact pain from someone who you share a past with might even feel worse because you have the physical pain plus the emotional one of dealing with the fact that your best friend cut your arm for no apparent reason, but you would forgive a friend's insanity for the moments you share together but not a stranger? That's dumb. Both people performed and insane act, why is one excusable and not the other? Because you want it that way. So it is self esteem or simple choice?

 

Saying you'd have to have low self esteem to go out with a married man is just as dumb as saying you would have to be a pretty bad W to be cheated on.

[serial muse]

I'm leery of getting much involved in this back and forth, and I doubt there's a one-size-fits-all solution for whether an OW has low self-esteem or not. Some do, some don't, I'm sure.

 

But I do have to point out that this

 

Saying you'd have to have low self esteem to go out with a married man is just as dumb as saying you would have to be a pretty bad W to be cheated on.

 

doesn't really follow, to me. I'm not sure what you mean...

 

After all, dating a MM is (generally) a conscious choice, in that the OW knows he's married beforehand and chooses to try being with him anyway. Being cheated on is not a choice. I'm not equating anything to self-esteem, but I don't get how those two things go together logically.

[Tomcat33]

I'm leery of getting much involved in this back and forth, and I doubt there's a one-size-fits-all solution for whether an OW has low self-esteem or not. Some do, some don't, I'm sure.

 

But I do have to point out that this

 

 

 

doesn't really follow, to me. I'm not sure what you mean...

 

After all, dating a MM is (generally) a conscious choice, in that the OW knows he's married beforehand and chooses to try being with him anyway. Being cheated on is not a choice. I'm not equating anything to self-esteem, but I don't get how those two things go together logically.

 

 

 

Sorry I'll explain it,

 

that to make a stereotypical statement like "any woman who would get involved with a MM has low self esteem" is like saying " is comperable to saying "any woman who is cheated on must be a terrible W"

 

They are just generalizations based on foolishly obvious assumptions that don't apply to all the cases. it may apply to some but as a general statment it's simply that, a general assumption.

[PoshPrincess]

Great thread BTW!

 

IMO, some of this depends on whether the A is physical or emotional and in which way it started.

 

As far as my A was concerned, I feel that maybe his W was slightly better looking than me. I have never seen her close up, only from a distance, but I know she has long, blonde hair, as opposed to my short dark hair. We are of similar height and similar weight although I have bigger boobs (no, MM was NOT a boobs man!) He had always firmly stated that she's attractive but that he no longer had feelings for her physical or otherwise.

 

MM had fancied me from afar for a fair while before we even spoke so I guess he must have found me physically attractive before having any strong emotional feelings for me. Ours was more of a EA than PA. I think it was my personality that made him fall in love with me, rather than my looks. Not that his W wasn't a nice person or anything but we ARE completely different on that score. He was attracted to my independence and the fact that I was more outgoing and confident (I'm not really, but seem to give off that air!) She was settled down with him at 19, becoming a parent at the same time, after going straight from living with her parents so had never really had to look after herself. I lived alone before living with my son's father (although didn't leavehome until my late 20s), left him after 8 years, found a job, flat, childcare for my son, etc whereas I know his W was scared to death of being left with no one to take care of her. From what he says I am also more intelligent than her and although he wasn't as intelligent as me (I'm not brain of Britain but not thick either!) he really liked the fact that I had some sort of edcuation, when he had left school at 15 with no qualifications.

 

So, although looks may be a factor in someone having an A they aren't necessarily the reasons it continues, unless of course, it is purely a PA in which case things may be different!

[HennyPenny]

I can't say I'm actually with a MM since we're not in a sexual relationship, but I found this question interesting. After seeing pictures of his wife it's obvious that he has a physical "type" and I'm it. Even though she is of Latin heritage and I'm of European, we have very similar features. Mentally, we are complete opposites. I'm more unique and easy-going and she's square, basically.

 

I don't think it's about looks though. I think many men marry "safe" and then go elsewhere for the excitement. At this time I'm a little bitter about this. If you want fun and spontaneity, don't marry safe and predictable. I'm sure men do this out of their own insecurity.

[PoshPrincess]

If you want fun and spontaneity, don't marry safe and predictable. I'm sure men do this out of their own insecurity.

 

A lot of these men ARE insecure; that's why they need their egos feeding by an OW. I don't think it's the case that they shouldn't have married safe and predictable (although in your sitch it's obviousoly different).

 

Some people marry very young, normally out of love but sometimes because they end up having children and see marriage as the next step.

 

My exMM met his W (who was a couple of years younger) at 21. She was pregnant within a few months (not planned) and after two children within a couple of years they married. I am not saying he didn't love her but really they were just kids themselves and people, men especially, change a hell of a lot between their 20s and 40s. It IS possible that his W was just as exciting when they met but with the normal day-to-day life of housework, bringing up children, etc, the romance and excitement often goes by the wayside. Believe me though, I am not saying that this gives anyone the right to cheat! I think maybe some men get involved with an OW (particularly those who go women somewhat younger than themselves) who remind them of their W when they first met. If this is the case though, and they leave the W to be with the OW, won't they just get bored later on down the line and find yet another replacement?

[frannie]

My XW was a beautiful woman, my current wife (XOW) is a beautiful woman. Looks are certainly not the issue here.

 

Has my wife "let herself go?" Certainly not, she has entirely too much respect for herself to do that. Is she older, absolutely. Does that make her even more beautiful to me, absolutely. Why? My wife loves me, I can see it every time I walk into a room that she is in. I can feel it in the way that she looks at me, the way she smiles at me, the way she cares about me. THAT is why a man stays with a woman.

 

Good luck with getting your point heard in all this ... it's one I agree with for the most part, with the obvious exceptions some of which have been pointed out on the thread already.

 

I'd like to know why it's so terrible to want to be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself... that's a HUGE part of love if we accept the whole marriagebuilders thing (and I think it's got a lot going for it as a theory of relationships). Of course you have to weed out manipulators and people not being themselves for whatever reason, and also be certain that you're self-confident in yourself rather than looking for outside validation and someone to 'make you' happy. But being with someone who makes you feel fantastic is what most of it is all about.

 

Looks can be part of that. Some people rate having an attractive partner extremely highly. And to be honest, if someone has let themselves go, started skipping on cleanliness and appearance yes it does turn their partner off, because it shows a lack of self-care and respect for others (just my personal pov!). However, whether someone else is 'prettier' or more handsome or whatever than your current partner is a whole other thing... it really is more about them as a person, not their appearance, that matters.

 

And I don't know whether I'm 'more attractive' or not than his wife, nor do I want or need to know. It's irrelevant.

[smartgirl]

Good luck with getting your point heard in all this ... it's one I agree with for the most part, with the obvious exceptions some of which have been pointed out on the thread already.

 

I'd like to know why it's so terrible to want to be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself... that's a HUGE part of love if we accept the whole marriagebuilders thing (and I think it's got a lot going for it as a theory of relationships).

 

 

I think this idea of deciding to bail on your marriage because someone else makes you "feel good about yourself" heads down a very bad road. Every marriage has its down times -- times when you are feeling that your spouse is taking you for granted. During those times you are vulnerable to the attentions of someone who is noticing you and treats you like you are special. Is that going to make you feel good about yourself - you bet. Is that a reason to trash your marriage by screwing around with that other person - no it is not.

 

That, IMO, is just being vain and selfish and naive to boot. Much of the time, you have the ability to put some attention back into the marriage and can begin to feel good about yourself again that way.

 

One thing I have seen with my H and read in many threads here, is that an A makes you feel attractive and desired, but before long you can't really say you feel good about yourself. Who can feel good about themself when they sneak, lie, cheat and hurt other people?

[outofdarkness]

All of my H's OW's, w/ the exception of one, were very plain and mainly overweight..I don't know the intricicies of this dynamic, but I DO know that the only OW that he seems to contact from time to time is the one exception that I mentioned above. The others seemed to be needy and lonely..Easy prey for a serial cheater.

 

Myself, I am tall w/ blond hair, very slim and have alwasy been told and considered myself to be attractive. So, I'm inclined to think that in general, looks do not have much to do w/ the whole A thing..JUHI...

[bigblueeyes]

this thread is brilliant. Lots of good laughs

 

According to convential wisdom I would say that MM has "traded up" with me, but as he is still with his W, I guess we can conclude that looks don't count for much

[crymsn]

This was posted in the best of craigslist......

 

 

It's getting to the point where I can't even read those stupid personal ads anymore, not even for fun.

 

They're loaded with married people, bitching about their spouses, and looking for something "better".

 

I've got a few things to tell you:

 

1. "She" is not the reason your marriage sucks. YOU are. If you spent half as much time paying attention to her as you do trolling CL for sluts, your marriage would be a whole hell of a lot better.

 

2. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it a thousand times. You're in a sexless marriage. First of all, that's probably a lie, because most cheaters are liars too. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, pal- if your wife isn't interested in sex, it's because you're not offering sex that's interesting. Married guys get awfully boring after a while. They do the same boring thing the same boring way every ****ing time and they expect you to scream like a porn star. Seriously, you come home from work, totally ignore her while she chases the kids around for 4 hours, makes dinner, does the laundry, blah blah blah, and then you expect her to roll over with her legs open for another session of same-old same-old? When are you idiots going to learn that the best foreplay in the world for a woman is watching you take care of the kids, vacuum the floor, pick up the dog poo in the backyard. Or how about just listening when she talks? You know, it's not that ****ing hard to stop thinking about yourself for five minutes and hear what she has to say. Think about it- way back when, when you were getting your brains ****ed out on a regular basis- what were YOU doing differently than you're doing now? Planning dates, telling her she looked nice, acting like you're happy to be with her? A thousand dollars says if you do that stuff again you'll get the same result.

 

3. Your kids are NOT the reason you're staying married. If you were THAT miserable, you'd leave whether you had kids or not. If you're not getting a divorce it's because YOU DON'T WANT TO. For whatever reason. At least be honest and don't try to feed people that tired bull**** line about staying married for the kids. Contrary to what you think, it doesn't make you look like a poor suffering but honorable victim. You obviously don't care enough about your kids to treat their mother with enough respect not to cheat on her, and you don't care about them enough to spend time with THEM instead of some cheap whore, so cut it out with that crap. There is absolutely nothing honorable about putting your dick ahead of your kids. If you really really cared about them, you would put ALL your time and effort and money into saving the one thing that means most to them in the whole world- your marriage and their family. Otherwise you're full of ****.

 

4. We all know how bored you are. Poor you, someone should really come along to entertain you. What are you, ****ing 12 years old? If you're bored with your marriage, it's because YOU'RE BORING, and have you ever stopped to think that if you're bored, she probably is too. But instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old, she's at home cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer and washing kool-aid off the kitchen floor. Yeah, she's having a ****ing riot washing your underwear and cleaning up cat puke. Marriage is hard work. Hell, life is hard work. Grow the **** up and take some responsibility for yourself. You have a brain, USE it. Put some thought into your marriage and some effort into your life and stop blaming her and being a baby because life isn't fun.

 

5. You're looking for someone "younger". Sure you are. Dickhead. You think you look the same as you did when you got married? I'd bet not. Even if you do, you haven't spent the last 10 years having babies (the ones YOU wanted) and sacrificing your body for them. The next time you have to have someone stitch your ******* together because your just pushed a watermelon out of your butt, then you can sqwauk. If you ever spend 9 months with your belly stretched to obscene proportions, and manage to look exactly the same as you used to 6 weeks later, then you can bitch about how she's not attractive anymore. Until then, shut the **** up. You have no concept of what she has sacrificed to give you the children you claim to love. You really think she wants varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs? Get real. What she wants is a man who understands and values WHY she has varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs. She wants a man who loves her because she was willing to make those sacrifices with her own body because she loves HIM. Instead, you criticize and go running off with the first perky 25 year old who gives you the time of day. *******.

 

6. And finally, if you're cheating on your wife, there's something wrong with YOU. If you're not happy with your marriage, exactly how do you think ****ing some slut is going to fix that? Exactly how is that going to make anyone happy? Have you ever actually heard of adultery working out really well for everyone involved? Are you actually stupid enough to think that you're going to be the exception to that rule? If so, you are delusional and you need professional help. Affairs are disasters- not some of the time, not most of the time, ALL OF THE TIME. You guilt will drive you crazy. Someone WILL find out. You will NOT be able to keep up the lies and the deception. And it will all lead up to a disaster of epic proportions, which leads me to Lucky #7.

 

7. Here's what you can expect in the wake of your little ****-fest:

 

Divorce- this is where you lose everything- your wife, your house, half your income and possessions, possibly your job if you're stupid enough to be ****ing around with a co-worker, your kids- EVERYTHING. You will LOSE IT ALL.

 

Exposure- this is where everyone finds out what a scumbag you are. And they WILL find out. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, HER family, your neighbors, the parents of your kids' friends, everyone at your church. They WILL find out. Why? Because your now ex-wife will tell them. She will probably tell everyone she knows, and everyone you know, and she will feel good doing it. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't rent a billboard. Otherwise, all bets are off. Be prepared.

 

Your Kids- this is where you totally lose the respect of your kids, and you deserve to lose it. They will realize in pretty short order that you didn't care enough about them to keep your ****ing pants on. They will see their mother cry and they will hate you for it. They will end up shuttling back and forth between their home and your apartment, and they will hate you for it. Every time they have to tell someone that their parents are divorced, they will hate you for it. And God forbid you decide to "introduce" them to your shiny new soulmate/****buddy, they will REALLY hate you for that. If your kids are really young, you have a little time before all this **** hits the fan, but be warned, it's coming. They will forever see you as the moron who broke up their family. They will know that you can't be trusted, that you are weak and immoral and selfish. And they'll figure it out all by themselves, even if you never talk to them about it. Because your kids are smarter than you are at this point.

 

So, go ahead and whine your pathetic bull**** about how you're a victim and your wife is a horrible shrew. Do your best to convince yourself that you didn't have any choice and your wife "drove you to it." Start with the rationalizations and justifications now, you're going to need a lot of them. Remember that the best defense is a good offense and start a mental list of all the ways your wife is deficient. Make sure to re-write the history of your marriage so that you can say that you were miserable from the first day. Be sure to tell your wife that you love her, you're just not "in love" with her anymore. Deal with your guilt by lashing out at everyone around you. Above all, take no responsibility for any problems YOU may have that caused you to be such a spineless bastard in the first place.

 

Congratulations, you've just joined the Adulterers Club. See you in hell.

[Melissa277]

WOW. Someone who finally speaks the truth.

 

Great post crymsn!

[whirlwinds_sister]

An excellent point, NJ. I also didn't address this question, and it is interesting. I can say, in my case, that I didn't let myself go, so from a sample size of one, it isn't true. I looked (and still do) good.

 

But the larger question, of how "change" might trigger an affair, is an interesting one. Judging from what I've read of the few MM who do post here (and in the infidelity board), it seems like there's a more distant effect from a wife "letting herself go" - to wit, she may feel less sexy, less attractive, less inclined to be intimate as she gets older/more stressed/has kids, and ultimately perhaps it's the resulting decline of their sex lives and intimacy that is a possible trigger.

 

But again, there's no silver bullet. That scenario wasn't really true for me and the exH.

 

So I think that it's also worth noting that lots of MM are simply at a certain phase in their own lives - and that change, internally triggered, may have as much or more to do with the start of an affair as anything else. The BS may look fantastic and still be ready and sexy in bed, but it's irrelevant if he's got issues.

 

 

I've seen quite a bit of this attitude throughout this thread and I think that

W's will continue to see themselves as martyred saints who didn't contribute to the demise of their marriage is only going to continue to damage their marriage. Their is no doubt ACTING out on a damaged marriage is not right, but isn't divorce the ultimate acting on a damaged situation? Is that where you'd like it to go living in total denial? When you put that aside and consider the meat and potatoes of the relationship, I'm sorry ladies, but as a W myself, I just don't buy that you wronged W's are all angels and did nothing to contribute to the downfall of your marriage and I expect that with that attitude NOTHING in your relationships change because you are unwilling to admit your contribution. Let's say he never acted out, would you still be happy that your man was on the verge of ditching you because things had gotten so bad or would you be willing to ditch the ego and start working with him and listening to his needs too?

I certainly am not claiming that every cheater is some wronged guy/girl, obviously from what has been posted, that is not the case, but I am perplexed at this attitude that H wrong, W good--always. What I've found is marriages are far more complex then that and normally BOTH people have had a hand in damaging their marriage. An H abandons his wife for an OW, but is the W any less at a fault when she's abandoned her H for her own activities or so self-absorbed in how she feels about herself?

 

Let's get real...to answer the question...his W and I are just different in a lot of ways. She is a few years younger(he and I are peers) but she is older in that frumpy way women get sometimes(btdt myself). LIke I said, we are just different. I don't find her unattractive, but she's a little frumpy, but that's not why he was with me. It truly is about the ego(and I don't mean that in a bad way either). He would get berated for things SHE did wrong(like missing a turn on the freeway could invite a call from her of a verbal a$$ whooping without comparison because SHE missed a turn) or if he didn't do something to her specifications, he'd get treated like a child that got into the bag of cookies. I really believe what I offered differently and to him me was POSITIVE attention and kindness. We joke and I know he's not perfect and he knows I am not, but we've maintained a sense of humor, even after the very painful breakup--this was new for him to not be treated like sh*t. Men want what women want--to be loved, nurtured, cared for, and treated with respect. I don't make this assertion just from my OM, I have had male friends and it really takes its toll on a man to live with a joyless, unhappy female. With the exception of serial cheaters the only word of advice I can give to other females is LOVE your husbands, give them the benefit of the doubt, and don't be quick to anger. Find a way to be that spontaneous and joyful couple you were at the beginning. I will tell you in my own M, my H told me that he missed how carefree I was--that was like a lightbulb and I learned to transfer my carefree nature I was indulging with the OM to my H. I stopped being invested in 'besting him' and having to be 'right' and let myself be vulnerable again. We aren't in competition, we are a team. I had lost that and as painful as it was, when he owned up to his part(neglect and indifference), I also owned up to mine that I'd become a sniping, unhappy, ungrateful wench in return. I know for a fact not only was I in danger of cheating, he was too with how things were--he knows it too and it's made it easier for him to accept what happened with me. I simply am astounded that W's take absolutely no responsibility for their contribution to a disintegrated marriage. IMO, ultimately, even if not for another woman, that's attitude is gonna land your a$$ in family court or with a man who can't stand the site of you, but is staying for financial status quo. Who wants that?

[whirlwinds_sister]

My XW was a beautiful woman, my current wife (XOW) is a beautiful woman. Looks are certainly not the issue here.

 

Has my wife "let herself go?" Certainly not, she has entirely too much respect for herself to do that. Is she older, absolutely. Does that make her even more beautiful to me, absolutely. Why? My wife loves me, I can see it every time I walk into a room that she is in. I can feel it in the way that she looks at me, the way she smiles at me, the way she cares about me. THAT is why a man stays with a woman.

 

Like others have said, good luck getting your point across. I happen to agree with you, but there are some here who will continue to think that ALL MM who stray are just thinking with the little head and have absolutely no emotional needs that are being met or contribute to the failure of the marriage they have strayed from. It's insular thinking to protect one of the parties from having to look at themselves, but what can you do? It will continue and as long as women treat their H's as little more then a walking phallic symbol, nothing is going to change. My MM told me at one time that the sex was a definite bonus and we were hot together, make no mistake, but given we had that oppurtunity rarely, it was the laughter, kindness and companionship that appealed to him most--imagine that...a man would like a close, loving, intimate friendship with a woman he loves?

FWIW, my A and having that ultimate insight into a man made me realize what really makes men tick(many of them) and it isn't just the pee pee ladies. Pump the ego up once in a while, what's it gonna put you out to make him feel like a cool teenage boy again? Men really do enjoy female attention, especially from the woman they love and admire--let them have it--it doesn't mean he still doesn't have to take out the trash and clean the garage, but I have found that a man who feels good about himself wants to please his woman in all manner of speaking to keep that feeling coming. Ah, well, I'm sure I'll be piled on for actually thinking W's have any accountability for how they treat their mates:p(oh and btw, I am not saying all W's have done something to contribute--there certainly are just buttwipes out there who cheat on perfectly decent and loving women, but there are a hell of a lot of others who are as I described)

 

Good luck to you. FWIW, for the man I was involved with, that is what I hope for him and that is how much I cared about him. I want his happiness. I hope he can patch it up with his W, but if not, I hope he finds the strength to move on and find happiness.

[whirlwinds_sister]

And I can bet he's really tense now that he's cheating on her. I'll bet he helped to encourage her stiffness around her husband.

I feel for the BW simply because she has no idea she's in competition with another woman.

 

Once again, the cross of "I have done nothing to contribute". The pretzels we can contort ourselves in whether we are the W, H, or OW to absolve ourselves from any responsibility. (and yes, I always include myself in those assertions--believe me, I'm learning everyday)

[Virgo1982]

He would be sad, dirty cheater that will f*ck anything beautiful that moves. He wouldn't be justified but at least it would show he has some standards.

 

I don't mean to be rude, but this whole idea is really superficial. You said it would show he had some standards. An unattractive person can be beautiful. Just like someone could be "beautiful" and be self-centered, judgemental, immature, offensive, and narcassistic. And of course it can be the other way around because some people are sooooo good at lying to themselves...

[Lizzie60]

what a load of crap... It's not all that black and white... and no... it's not always the cheater's fault.

 

I disagree with most of the list.... so much for today's B. Sh*it.

[GreenEyedLady]

WOW. Someone who finally speaks the truth.

 

Great post crymsn!

 

 

I saw that on another forum, not Craigslist...guess there's nothing going on at the other forums lately if they're here posting a bunch of propaganda...

 

And if you want to hoorah what a bunch of bitter people with nothing better to do want to believe about their M's, then that's up to you...A's aren't what people would like to think about them...they're not a couple minutes in the backseat of car...FAR FROM IT!!!

[Trialbyfire]

Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't rent a billboard.

:lmao:

Never thought of that. Hmmm...I can still do it because I have pics...

 

A PI is worth every penny.

[ridingthebulls]

I dated a gentleman who knows Christie Brinkley very well. And he told me that she was one of the meanest, unkind women he had ever met.

 

Therefore, it is inner beauty that matters, not outer.

 

And, BTW, he said he wasn't a bit surprised that her hubby cheated on her. She was a miserable woman to be around....

 

 

Right.. that's why he married her for her beauty even though she was a beast!

Honestly, what matters is the mixture of the two. Usually looks to start and personality to carry..

[ridingthebulls]

I hate to break the stereotype but my ex cheated and not because of looks. That I can guarantee.

 

I can only tell you what his primary OW did, which attracted him. It started as an EA from viewing assorted emails. She stroked his ego constantly, promoting the negative aspects of his personality more and more, fueling the unhealthy side of him, making him feel justified for his "jerkside" tendencies.

 

It was obviously an effective technique...

 

He fed you this load of crap? Talk about taking responsibility.. NOT. He's a grown man and needs to grow the hell up already!

[ridingthebulls]

I can see shelly-trying POV on this, she has told me about the xOW. As for my WH xOW, if she had low self-esteem she had a excellent way of not showing it. WH xOW was very outgoing it was irritating. She just had to be the center of attention. She flirted w/ SG, MM, DM, all men. She didn't care if they were MM or not, she was gonna flirt and if she wanted them, she was going after them (her words). WH xOW did not have low self-esteem.

 

 

She constantly needs validation from men = poor self-image + no morals. Outgoing etc doesn't make a difference.. so are most BULLIES.. they need constant validation and bullying to keep UP their inflated sense of self-worth. Underneath without all those exterior influences, they would be a one person pity party.

Other than that, I'm sure some women are seduced by the so-called "feelings" of their male counterpart.

I don't think there is ONE-FITS-ALL answer here. Everyone is different.. some things just HAPPEN, while with other women, they are LOOKING for trouble!

[LittleLady]

Oh please. We all know that most wives let themselves go and fall apart over time. Especially after they pop out a few. My MM's wife look like a fat lactating cow and she's never even been pregnant before. Ugh. My MM is so handsome and I guess that's why he digs me. I'm fit and beautiful with blue eyes and he is an Italian stallion. We fit together like two pieces of a locket. A person of her low calibar belongs with my husband. My husband is a bald abusing rat bastard whom I will soon be divorcing.

Anyways, I've been living with my MM for a while now in a place of his and he goes home to his wife when I tell him I want to be alone. Honestly, I can't remember the last time in my life that sex has been this good. I'm trying to have a baby with him to secure my position in his life and pocketbook. He's been ejaculating inside me almost every sexual encounter. He thinks I'm on birth control. I will have the last laugh and that fat hog will be eradicated from his life.