too clingy? or will he never learn

[Guest]

my boyfriend and i have been together for around 16 months. we go to the same college so we get to see each other all the time at school, but we live an hour and a half away from each other during the summer when we go home. this summer i will be ever farther away (around 4 hours from him). anyway, so last summer we had to deal with the distance for 3 months. we got into fights however, because he likes his space, and i would like for him to keep in touch. we have talked about this and i have told him that i wanted to say goodnight to each other and at least keep in touch once a day, and talk on the phone catch up every other day. it never really worked out because he wouldn't keep in touch, and then i would get mad. it was kind of a cycle, but we always made up in the end.

so we go bak to school, and everything's great. now it's been 4 days since i've last seen him, and he has texted me at least once a day, but nothing more than "hey, i like u". he hasn't called, even tho i asked him too, and i haven't had any other contact with him since. it just bothers me because we've talked about it before, and it seems like he doesn't care about what we've discussed.

do u guys think i'm being too clingy or that i have a right to be upset with him? i mean i guess it's only been 4 days, but i wonder if that's foreshadowing for the whole summer.

[thatmatt]

I don't really think you're being too clingy. If he gave you reasons why he was unavailable, he was traveling, working a lot, etc, legit reasons why you two couldn't really talk that much, that's understandable. But it sounds like he doesn't really have much of a reason to not be contacting you. Personally, I believe that there are really not many excuses for going that long without contact in a long distance relationship, even if you're busy as hell, it takes 2 mintues to call, it takes 3 seconds to say the words "I love you". but thats just me. but no I don't think you're being clingy.

[green-eyed beauty]

I'm sorry but if he were really into you and being your boyfriend, he would call you without having to be asked by you. He just doesn't seem to care. Four days of no contact from a guy who is now in the same town as you? I mean you're going to be apart this summer, why isn't he wanting to at least see you once a day?

I'm sorry, but he's doing the "disappearing act." I don't think he really sees you as his girlfriend anymore and really doesn't care.

I would start going out and dating others.

[Enema]

You sound very needy and demanding.

 

If you can't live a few days without him, You call Him.

[green-eyed beauty]

Eh, when I was in my last relationship, Enema, he called everyday, sometimes twice, just because he wanted to. We were seeing each other for two years.

A guy should want to call his girlfriend everyday, he should want to hear her voice, and if they're in the same town, definitely he'll want to be spending time with her if he really cares.

So no, she isn't needy and demanding. I can see why she'd be upset. However, if a guy did that to me, I would assume that since he's going for days and days without calling me, we are dating other people and I'd be opening myself up to dating others since he doesn't respect us as a couple.

[Enema]

A guy should want to call his girlfriend everyday, he should want to hear her voice, and if they're in the same town, definitely he'll want to be spending time with her if he really cares.

 

This is a womans ideal.

 

You can't hold a man to your own ideal of what "caring" really is and then say he doesn't love you if he doesn't do it.

 

Men != women.

 

Though I agree that in this case they obviously have different ideas about what is normal and necessary in a relationship and should find partners that share the same principles.

[green-eyed beauty]

It's not just a woman's ideal. It's not like I was telling him to call me everyday, he just wanted to. Why wouldn't he want to talk to me everyday if he loves me? I called him, also, though not as much. It was just like she mentioned, having the last call of the night before you go to bed.

I just would think the guy isn't really into her if he goes so long without calling her at least.

I mean in a steady relationship, when you are agreed bf/gf.

Don't you call your girlfriend everyday if you have one right now?

[4whatItsWorth]

Why wouldn't he want to talk to me everyday if he loves me?

 

That is a question I asked myself A LOT with an old LDR of mine. I ended up in the same country as him, it was no longer expensive to call - and I did all the calling! He'd only text me if something upset him, never just because he missed me. If I called him, and asked him to call me - then he would, but like several days later.

 

In the end. I said to myself "if he really loved me, he'd be wanting to hear my voice every day" and when I told him so, his reply was "But whenever you call you want to talk for HOURS! I'd call you for five minutes." - but he NEVER even did that!!!

 

So...do what I did and question his love and find yourself a guy who WANTS to call you! (Or simply discuss it first and say: this is really important to me. In my eyes, to want to call me and be with me is to show me that you love me. If you can't do that, then I doubt you want to even be with me.)

[LoveLace]

It's hard to answer this question because 1st of all, what's considered by clingy by your boyfriend might not be what someone else considers clingy. To me, you don't sound clingy but you are voicing how you'd like the relationship to go and voicing your needs. It could be making him feel smothered in a sense. I sord of don't think it's right for him to say, "hey it's summer so give me my space" and then be close again when school starts. It almost sounds like he wants the summer without being obligated to you...to take a "break".

 

I am sorry but it does sound as though he's fading in interest. Do you ever actually see him over the summer or is it all phone contact? Do you know what he's doing all summer long? Is there a chance he could be seeing other women there? It could just be that the long-distance part of this isn't holding water for him. He might view it as too much work, or relationships in general as being too much work. I think it would be wise to back off a lot and don't call him for a few days, and/or get him to really sit down to talk, and discuss how you both feel about the relationship at this point. This would give him an opportunity to open up about what ever might be hanging him up. But again he does sound a bit uninterested right now so patience is key for you to have at this point.