I don't understand something ...

[JaneInVegas]

Just when you think you've got men figured out ...

 

I am 46 years old. My last boyfriend was 37. Whenever I complained about my weight he always made me feel a lot better by telling me that even though I am overweight, I'm definitely not fat. Before him I dated a couple of other men who were younger than me, neither of them had issue with my weight, either. (I broke up with all 3 of them for various reasons, none of them were trying to be polite and then dumped me)

 

Okay, so I joined eHarmony and decided I would try to find someone my age or a little older, since I'm having a hard time with the younger guys. I have met face to face 3 different men, all of whom told me I was too heavy for them. One of them had a pot belly that looked about the size of a 7 month pregnancy, and I'm not anywhere near that large. Granted, I'm no model, but obviously there must be SOME kind of an appeal to me, to be able to get guys in their late 30's. Right? So I guess my question is, why do men in their late 40's with pot bellies think I'm too heavy, while guys in their 30's think I'm datable?

 

Are men really this fickle? I thought with age men learned tolerance. If any men out there could shed some light on this, I would be most appreciative.

[Poboy]

the older they get , the hotter you must be im guessing cause im not 40 +

 

or maybe you are overweight ? care to share your height and weight .

[Pink Amulet]

Sorry if I come across rude, but how can you be "overweight" and not "fat" if the definition of the very words are inclusive of one another?

[KittenMoon]

Sorry if I come across rude, but how can you be "overweight" and not "fat" if the definition of the very words are inclusive of one another?

 

From the mouth of someone who's never been either.

 

I think what the OP means is that she has some extra, but mostly proportional, body weight- as opposed to obvious bags and sags and bulges of fat, etc.

 

(Be lucky you're not among the average majority of body types PA, and relish it while it lasts )

[Lizzie60]

Since I've been a lot on those chat lines, etc.

 

So I guess my question is, why do men in their late 40's with pot bellies think I'm too heavy, while guys in their 30's think I'm datable?

 

This had nothing to do with age... some older guys like heavy women as well... you just happened to fall on those guys who prefer thinner women... that's all.

 

But I have to agree... the older they get, they seem to be pickier... they want a woman close to their age for the experience...but they want a 36-24-36 model... and when you look at them... they are balding, grey hair, pot belly... LOL

[hardcase]

Just when you think you've got men figured out ...

 

I am 46 years old. My last boyfriend was 37. Whenever I complained about my weight he always made me feel a lot better by telling me that even though I am overweight, I'm definitely not fat. Before him I dated a couple of other men who were younger than me, neither of them had issue with my weight, either. (I broke up with all 3 of them for various reasons, none of them were trying to be polite and then dumped me)

 

Okay, so I joined eHarmony and decided I would try to find someone my age or a little older, since I'm having a hard time with the younger guys. I have met face to face 3 different men, all of whom told me I was too heavy for them. One of them had a pot belly that looked about the size of a 7 month pregnancy, and I'm not anywhere near that large.

 

LOL...i can see the scene from Seinfeld where Newman told Jerry "I need a really pretty face"...or George saying "thick lustrous hair is very important to me"...LOL.

 

Granted, I'm no model, but obviously there must be SOME kind of an appeal to me, to be able to get guys in their late 30's. Right? So I guess my question is, why do men in their late 40's with pot bellies think I'm too heavy, while guys in their 30's think I'm datable?

 

Are men really this fickle?

 

No...not all of us are. Like me...I personally like a woman with a little meat on her bones. and men can't be picky if they are not an adonis themselves.

[serial muse]

But I have to agree... the older they get, they seem to be pickier... they want a woman close to their age for the experience...but they want a 36-24-36 model... and when you look at them... they are balding, grey hair, pot belly... LOL

 

This is really interesting...I wonder why that is. Perhaps because, having waited so long, they decide they have to make it worthwhile by finding the "perfect" woman?

[Trialbyfire]

So I guess my question is, why do men in their late 40's with pot bellies think I'm too heavy, while guys in their 30's think I'm datable?

 

Are men really this fickle? I thought with age men learned tolerance. If any men out there could shed some light on this, I would be most appreciative.

Don't forget that men in their latter forties and early fifties are going through midlife crisis. It's a biological stage in their lives where they're subconsciously pursuing the mate who appears to be more fertile. Some indicators of this are certain body shapes, one of which includes sufficient differences between breast, waist and hips. The ideal ratio.

 

The other side of this is, what kind of picture of yourself are you posting on eHarmony? If the picture makes you look thinner, is it possible it's attracting the wrong kind of guy?

[messit]

the older they get , the hotter you must be im guessing cause im not 40 +

 

or maybe you are overweight ? care to share your height and weight .

 

 

Well I am 40+ and I'm not familiar with that "rule"... maybe the midlife crisis just hasn't kicked in yet...

[Poboy]

Well I am 40+ and I'm not familiar with that "rule"... maybe the midlife crisis just hasn't kicked in yet...

 

as i said im guessing since i have couple of decades to reach there.

from whatever i have seen in office relationships and conversation with my friends who have been hit upon by guys 40 +, its because they still believe they got it and want to have a prize possesion in that perfect young woman irrespective if they are going geriatric crazy.

 

im not sure there many guys who are 40 + are actually looking to settle down with women of their same age . most of them are married and so are out in the market for a little extra action so would go for the younger ladies and that low % of them who are actually serious would want to settle with a woman of much younger age cause its a huge ego boost and that they are still the 'man' rather than an older woman...

 

and its not just with men but women too , so its not gender specific.

[JaneInVegas]

Sorry if I come across rude, but how can you be "overweight" and not "fat" if the definition of the very words are inclusive of one another?

 

Sorry if I come across as rude, but that sounds like something the Olsen twins would ask.

 

Perhaps you are famaliar with some of these terms: anorexic, skinny, thin, normal weight, overweight (which you rejected) fat, obese, and morbidly obese.

 

If you'd care to share your term of choice in between normal and fat (is someone ten pounds overweight fat?) I can be sure to include that in my eHarmony profile to prepare the 40 somethings for the shock of what the 30 somethings found datable.

 

At any rate, I didn't come here to debate weight definitions. I find it interesting that from my entire post that was what you chose to focus on.

[JaneInVegas]

or maybe you are overweight ? care to share your height and weight .

 

heh, it's been awhile since I stepped on the scales. I'm 5'5" and about 6 months ago I was at 155 or so. I've lost a couple since then, but not much.

 

I have a pic of me posted on eHarmony, and I am upfront with the guys and tell them "I'm no model" before I meet them.

[JaneInVegas]

and men can't be picky if they are not an adonis themselves.

 

oh yes they can! lol

 

That's okay tho, I'm going to keep plugging away, I know there's a guy out there for me somewhere!

[Pink Amulet]

Awww You have misunderstood me!

 

I completely sympathise with your situation. Men disgust me in so many ways

 

I wasn't debating the definition of fat, as it is plainly obvious as far as social understanding go, "fat" tends to mean "overweight", and neither am I commenting on this.

 

My question was directed at his comments:

 

Whenever I complained about my weight he always made me feel a lot better by telling me that even though I am overweight, I'm definitely not fat

 

He should be saying nothing of the sort.

 

And to soothe you over with as you pointed out

weight definitions

seems ridiculous.

 

Anyway, I am sorry you misunderstood me and I hope you find the support you need from LS

[JaneInVegas]

Awww You have misunderstood me!

 

 

Anyway, I am sorry you misunderstood me and I hope you find the support you need from LS

 

awww, thanks, I'm sorry I misunderstood, too

[Sk8away]

heh, it's been awhile since I stepped on the scales. I'm 5'5" and about 6 months ago I was at 155 or so. I've lost a couple since then, but not much.

 

I have a pic of me posted on eHarmony, and I am upfront with the guys and tell them "I'm no model" before I meet them.

 

 

Jane, that's not what I'd call "overweight" by any stretch. It sounds like you are well-proportioned, that's all. And it's true that most men prefer well-proportioned to plain old skinny. Those "ideals" you see in magazines are a lot less attractive in the flesh (gaunt, unhealthy pallor, protruding bones, etc). I know, because I worked in an industry where I came into contact with many of them.

Why not stick with the younger men, since they seem to be able to appreciate you for your lovely self?

[Krytellan]

So I guess my question is, why do men in their late 40's with pot bellies think I'm too heavy, while guys in their 30's think I'm datable?

 

I'll tell you why, at the risk of offending any males here.

 

Men in their 30's are coming to a point where they are ready to start a family and look more for good women who are attractive in their unique way.

 

Single men in their 40s are either jaded from a divorce and are looking to hook up with a hottie who drools over their bank account (i.e. midlife crisis) or just have some personality deficeincies that have led them to still be single at 40.

 

We're easier to figure out than we seem

[halfarock]

I'll tell you why, at the risk of offending any males here.

 

Men in their 30's are coming to a point where they are ready to start a family and look more for good women who are attractive in their unique way.

I am 46 years old.

46 year old women aren’t the best choice to start a family with.

 

Single men in their 40s are either jaded from a divorce and are looking to hook up with a hottie who drools over their bank account (i.e. midlife crisis) or just have some personality deficeincies that have led them to still be single at 40.

One of them had a pot belly that looked about the size of a 7 month pregnancy

Don't forget that men in their latter forties and early fifties are going through midlife crisis. It's a biological stage in their lives where they're subconsciously pursuing the mate who appears to be more fertile.

…are actually serious would want to settle with a woman of much younger age cause its a huge ego boost and that they are still the 'man' rather than an older woman...

 

I think that you all are off the mark. I’m 48 and don’t have a pot belly, am not balding, am not suffering from a midlife crisis, am not jaded from a divorce, don’t have a personality deficiency, or looking to get an ego boost out of getting a younger woman. Besides my “hottie” girlfriend has, I’m sure, a larger bank account than I do.

 

Not to sound shallow or anything but I don’t think that I would find a 5’5” 155lbs woman attractive. I’m not pickier as I would not have found such a woman attractive at any point in my life. At 5’5” and pushing 120lbs my girlfriend has meat on her bones. At 155lbs, that would be 35lbs of fat added on. Yuck.

 

I’ve always been in great shape my whole life and it doesn’t take a lot. Just watch what you eat and stay active.

[reddog63]

Since I've been a lot on those chat lines, etc.

 

So I guess my question is, why do men in their late 40's with pot bellies think I'm too heavy, while guys in their 30's think I'm datable?

 

This had nothing to do with age... some older guys like heavy women as well... you just happened to fall on those guys who prefer thinner women... that's all.

 

But I have to agree... the older they get, they seem to be pickier... they want a woman close to their age for the experience...but they want a 36-24-36 model... and when you look at them... they are balding, grey hair, pot belly... LOL

 

 

The older I get......43 yr old.......the less picky I have become in terms of looks. I still need an attraction but I am not looking for model material. In fact, I find the personality much more important nowadays.

 

As far as body......as long as one attempts to keep in reasonable shape and takes pride in appearance then there is no problem.

 

In fact, I wish women could feel more comfortable/confident with their looks.

[JaneInVegas]

I think that you all are off the mark. I’m 48 and don’t have a pot belly, am not balding, am not suffering from a midlife crisis, am not jaded from a divorce, don’t have a personality deficiency, or looking to get an ego boost out of getting a younger woman. Besides my “hottie” girlfriend has, I’m sure, a larger bank account than I do.

 

Not to sound shallow or anything but I don’t think that I would find a 5’5” 155lbs woman attractive. I’m not pickier as I would not have found such a woman attractive at any point in my life. At 5’5” and pushing 120lbs my girlfriend has meat on her bones. At 155lbs, that would be 35lbs of fat added on. Yuck.

 

I’ve always been in great shape my whole life and it doesn’t take a lot. Just watch what you eat and stay active.

 

 

I certainly appreciate your point of view, but you have taken this situation and compacted it to fit into your own individual perspective, while I am trying to get the gist of general consensus. Do you really think your girlfriend has 'meat on her bones' at 120? If that truly is your opinion, and your girlfriend truly only weighs 120, I would have to say it's people like you that encouraged women to vomit their meals and created skeletons walking around America. I will not make myself miserable to make someone else happy, I'd rather die alone than be with someone who would encourage that. I DO watch what I eat, and I DO stay active, my body is just what it is.

 

My point was (...is...) why would a man who weighs a lot more than me, and is older than me by 5 years, complain that I am too heavy? ... when my last 3 boyfriends were in their late 30's, and one of them had a really nice body of his own? That is my dilemma, to find out why this irony exists, because it's a total mystery to me why men get pickier as they get OLDER.

[JaneInVegas]

The older I get......43 yr old.......the less picky I have become in terms of looks. I still need an attraction but I am not looking for model material. In fact, I find the personality much more important nowadays.

 

As far as body......as long as one attempts to keep in reasonable shape and takes pride in appearance then there is no problem.

 

In fact, I wish women could feel more comfortable/confident with their looks.

 

heh ... move out here to Vegas, we need more men like you here!

[taiko]

My point was (...is...) why would a man who weighs a lot more than me, and is older than me by 5 years, complain that I am too heavy? ... when my last 3 boyfriends were in their late 30's, and one of them had a really nice body of his own? That is my dilemma, to find out why this irony exists, because it's a total mystery to me why men get pickier as they get OLDER.

 

We can afford to be pickier Because in general men are not chosen for their physical attractiveness but rather by their social and economic power and status which tends to peak at about 50 years. At that age at peak earning power the ex nerd has his pick of the best and not the worst as he had when a school boy. It also just happens about the time when only a professional athelete level of training will keep their bodies near the hard body stage.

[Topper]

Just when you think you've got men figured out ...

 

I am 46 years old. My last boyfriend was 37. Whenever I complained about my weight he always made me feel a lot better by telling me that even though I am overweight, I'm definitely not fat. Before him I dated a couple of other men who were younger than me, neither of them had issue with my weight, either. (I broke up with all 3 of them for various reasons, none of them were trying to be polite and then dumped me)

 

Okay, so I joined eHarmony and decided I would try to find someone my age or a little older, since I'm having a hard time with the younger guys. I have met face to face 3 different men, all of whom told me I was too heavy for them. One of them had a pot belly that looked about the size of a 7 month pregnancy, and I'm not anywhere near that large. Granted, I'm no model, but obviously there must be SOME kind of an appeal to me, to be able to get guys in their late 30's. Right? So I guess my question is, why do men in their late 40's with pot bellies think I'm too heavy, while guys in their 30's think I'm datable?

 

Are men really this fickle? I thought with age men learned tolerance. If any men out there could shed some light on this, I would be most appreciative.

 

Your basing your whole question on 3 guys who for whatever reason did not find you attractive. When I say attractive I am not just talking about physical appearance. I have gone out on a few date from Internet sights. they are what might be called semi blind dates. One woman who said she was a few pounds overweight was grossly fat. I never once said to her your to fat for me. That would just be rude.

Just like every woman is different every man is different. If I were to generalize on woman over 45 on just a few woman. I could say they a are bitter, angry ball busters. I could all say that most in that age range do like sex. I have dated woman like that. I have also dated woman as young as 28 and and a few in their 30s So I could like you say that woman in their 20s and 30s find me attractive and over look my thinning hair and my few extra pounds why do women in their 40s and 50s insist on breaking my balls?

I honestly don't think That is true. Right now i am seeing a woman who is 47. Every attractive with a few extra pounds. She is working on her masters and does some TA work at her school. She is hit on by younger guys all the time. Guys in their 20s that are younger then her son. yet she is going out with me. I'm 7 years older then she is.

 

I will say this that many men with money do look for the trophy wife. Places like Las Vegas, Palm Springs, Aspen Colorado are filled with Older men married to very good looking younger woman. Money and power are an aphrodisiac to some woman. Youth and beauity have always been an an aphrodisiac to men. That does not mean a man can't see the inner beauty in a woman.