Is 8 Months Enough???

[Amazon22]

I have already posted that I am planning to move closer to my long-distance BF (back to my hometown)...but I asked him when we were about 5 monthes into the relationship if he thought we should move in together. He said it would be better if eventually we got a place together, not me moving into his place. We have now been seeing eachother for 8 monthes and I think it would be ok. I just don't know how to approach him again. I know I will be struggling financially to begin with when I move, and living together doesn't seem like a bad idea, to me at least. Yes, he does have a 7 year old daughter that he sees every other weekend that I get along great with...I have spent the night at his place when she was there, and she was totally comfortable with it, and so was I. He is 7 years my senior, so obviously he has had past experience with women. This is, believe it or not, my longest relationship to date, so I really don't know what to do or say. My best friend and her boyfriend(are going on 3 years) BOUGHT a house together when they were only together for a year and a half....so that is not what I want now. I need advice, please, help!

[Tony T]

Eight months is enough if YOU feel it's enough. It's not really for us to say. You're a big girl and you are the one in the relationship.

 

It all sounds pretty good to me!

[Amazon22]

Thanks Tony...now go and read the message I left for you in the "Flirting and Jealousy" Forum!

 

But Seriously...I know it is for me to decide...but any input is appreciated, thanx!

[Tony T]

Sorry....moving in with him could go either way. You are the only one who is close to the situation, who knows him well enough to decide that.

 

My own feeling is that if you have to ask anonymous people on the Internet whether or not you should do something, you shouldn't.

 

I suppose I'm an incurable romantic but if I had the opportunity to move in with someone I loved and cared about very much, there would be absolutely no doubt in my mind that's what I wanted to do.

 

Even if you just rent a place, you'll be on the lease with him for a year. On the other hand, you could just move out and stick him with the remainder of the lease if he starts treating you without respect and consideration.

[Just A Girl2]

I read your other recent post in the Jealousy forum......you mentioned in there that you're not even sure if you love him. If you're not sure, you really shouldn't be considering asking to move in with him. It's too risky. Moving in with someone shouldn't be about saving money/financial reasons.....or an experiment to "see" if you love them..surely not when he has a 7 yr old daughter. Children need stability and consistency....and if you're not even sure if you love him after 8 months, and you move in, and things don't work out or you realize you don't love him, that can have a great impact on his daughter. Kids get attached. They learn about relationships from their parents.

 

I got the impression from your post there, that you've only stayed over at his place once (his daughter being there). You said that she was okay with it, and so were you. Well, that's totally not enough of an indicator that things would be fine. She may have been okay with you being there once....but it's a whole different ballgame when a boyfriend/girlfriend moves in....and that child realizes they now have to "share" their parent with someone else. Can bring up all kinds of jealousy and territorial issues. Single parents and their kids have a very special, strong bond......and it's often very hard for an outsider to break into that.

 

I'd really give this a lot more thought...and it should start with talking to him about it..because you can decide to all you want, but if it's not what he wants, it's not going to happen.

 

Does he ever make comments about how tough it is, you being so far away? Other than the living together thing, is he aware that you've considered at least relocating there? What does he say about this? Seem excited? Indifferent?

 

Long distance relationships are difficult...and a lot of times, each person doesn't even really know the other one all that well.......not the day to day stuff that life is full of. In long distance relationships, couples often only see each other for the 'good times'....and things are exciting.....but if you were to live in the same city and see him a couple times a week and on the weekend, you might just find that you don't click as well as you think you do.........and again, just spending the night is not at all, a clear picture of what it would be like for you to have to "share" him with his daughter.

 

You'd be better off moving there and finding a roommate type situation.......close to him if you could.........even just renting a room in someone's home/apartment........just to really see what it would be like being with him, without all the distance....THEN see if you want to live together.......??

[Amazon22]

Yeah, you guys are right, If I have to come onto a forum and ask total strangers for advice then I probably really already know the answer. thanx for clarifying that for me. Now, all you have to do is tell everyone else here the same thing.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "Now, all you have to do is tell everyone else here the same thing."

 

That's NOT the case most of the time. But there are situations where a solution should be so very obvious.

 

This board has provided a great deal of important advise to people over the years. It has often validated what people already know.

 

Frankly, I think deep down most people know in their hearts what they have to do but they don't trust that little voice inside themselves and need to hear it from other people. Just some things are very difficult to face up to and follow through on because the heart and the head are equally powerful yet many times contradictory.