questions...

[Guest]

I have a few questions... I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and a half and he's the only guy I've ever dated although he has had several relationships in the past. We both love each other and both think that marriage is a possibility in the future (although not for a while cos I'm only 20 and in my first relationship!) What I want to know is do u guys think its better to date around before you settle down with one person? My sister believes so but my other sister married a guy who'd never even held hands with a girl before and they r v obviously in love, I cant imagine him changing his mind.

 

I also have a big problem with retroactive jealousy, I've recently started counseling to combat this, but I feel that if I cant deal with it, I wont be able to stay forevermore in this relationship. When I can ignore it or am not reminded of the other women he has slept with I'm fine, but if I am reminded, I get very insecure and upset. So do u guys think its possible for someone with no other experience to get over their partner's far more extensive experience and never have regrets that they didnt experience more when they themselves were young? I really do love my boyfriend and every time I think of leaving it hurts so much, I just need to know that I'm not wasting both our time.

 

Also, why do people keep photos etc from their exes? One thing that bothers me is that my boyfriend hates having his photo taken, refuses to have it taken even with me and never takes photos of me alone, but in his bedroom are several films worth of photos which include quite a few photos of his ex or him and her together. She's one I get v jealous of, was with him for 4-5 months and there are loads of photos of her- I've been with him for 1 1/2 yrs and he doesnt have photos of me.

 

i feel bad because technically I snooped when I looked at these- just after we started dating, he got them out to show me the ones without her and put aside the ones of her so i wouldnt see them and get jealous. then i always remembered that there they were and i saw them every time i went into the room and in the end i had to look. i dont think i can tell him i've seen them without asking him first, but i just want him to get rid of them. he's with me now, not her, so he should have photos of me lying around, not her. shouldnt he have got rid of them? i'm supposed to be better than her, thats why he's with me, so why have her face hanging around everywhere?

 

he has said i can move in with him in june when i finish uni, so would i have the right then to look and say please can you put these away somewhere where i never have to know they're there, even if you dont throw them away? i just dont like the idea of him remembering her and thinking about when they were together. esp cos one of the photos has him with his arm round her and her with her hand on his leg: i just want to shout at her to get her hands of my boyfriend, she's not allowed to touch him like that! i hate feeling like this.

 

So here are my questions: can two people with such a difference in experience actually get past jealousy and stay together? have many people on this forum actually got past retroactive jealousy, or did they just have to let go and move on? do many people stay with the first person they fall for, can it last? or do they all eventually have regrets and feel they missed out? why do people keep photos and stuff from their exes when they're supposed to be over them and on to better more important people? and is snooping always wrong????