Adjusting Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 I feel lost and confused about this situation, don't know what to do and need some good advice..... After being together 3 years (engaged and living together for several months with a wedding date planned) my fiancé basically had "cold feet" and aspirations to be more independent, thus leaving me. The initial break-up process was somewhat mutual, with a lot of emotions on both sides of the fence. I was firm that I did not want to marry someone who had any doubts, but still wanted to at least TRY to see if things could be worked out in the relationship. All she has really said is "Things feel like they changed." yet offers no futher explanation. It all sucks. In retrospect, maybe things could have been handled somewhat differently, but you can’t change the past. She moved out and got her own place and I am trying to pick up the pieces and move forward with a few life decisions that she kind of held me back on. I'm trying to move on and take her off my "pedestal". I know it is a fruitless waste of time to keep worrying and analzing about the situation. Since it has only been a few weeks not everyone knows the whole story. The worst is still every time someone asks, "Where's your better half?" etc. in a social outing. I just cringe and put on a fake smile and laugh and suddly explain "Things just didn't work out, ha, ha." This sounds bad, but I really am better than a few weeks ago. Time heals I guess? I have a variety of mixed emotions about everything from anger to despair, yet I am trying to be the adult and take the high road. (The break-up all happened in a matter of 2 days!) In all our ongoing discussions we both still have love for each other, but hit kind of a "stale" point. She has some diagnosed anxiety problems that she takes medicine for and was basically starting to "freak out" about the upcoming wedding. Our families get along great and our careers are starting to take off. It seems like such a waste to simply walk away with our history and everything we've built together. Now it's been a little over six weeks since this began. This was my college sweetheart and pal. QUESTIONS: Should I wait her out and see if things change or just move on and find someone else? Should I still have ongoing contact or just go "cold turkey"? Thoughts....Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleTouch Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Im sorry to hear of your situation. It must be a tough time for you both. How you behave now is actually quite tricky as Im not sure NC is the right response at this stage. My gut feeling is that you should continue to take a dignified step backwards and allow her space to evaluate things clearly. If things are foggy for her at the moment then there is no guarentee that it will clear quickly. One thing is for sure, it will clear quicker without you crowding her. Im sure she is absolutely aware that you love her and that you are there for her. What you have to avoid now is spiralling into a situation where she keeps you hanging around for ages while she experiences life. That is not fare on you. If I had to hazzard a guess I would say let her miss you but in a dignified mature way. Dont play games with her. Also acknowledge the fact that she has come commitment fears born out of issues. These issues and fears are not fixable by you, only by her. The problem with that is that she may never fix them. I hope this helps a little. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adjusting Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 Good advice, I agree. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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