When is it time to tell?

[Takerslove]

I have been abuse when I was a child starting at the age of 5 till the age of 16. I am dating this guy and I am really really in love with him and want to get my past out there in the open. So, I don't feel like i am hiding something back.

 

When is it a good time to tell him?

[Zona76]

There is no range of severity in abuse. Physical nor mental it lingers.

I hope you have told your story to another adult or teacher. It helps so much to know that others know what you have endured.

I assume you are out of that house and environment.

Discussing abuse with a loved one is a part of an open relationship. "OPEN" meaning you should be able to discuss any subject.

Yes you should tell your partner. BUT, don't dwell on it. Some people are not comfortable and can't deal with this type of reality.

Tell your story, let it out then close the door.

We all have reasons for not telling on the abuser. Many cases they threaten another loved one or family member.

I never told because I thought my Dad would "KILL" the man who hurt me. And I was afraid my Dad would go to jail for killing someone. In turn I protected my father.

[dazz187s]

You know, it takes a lot of courage to be willing to tell a loved one about that. In my case, i was seeing someone who was abused when she was a child, she stated she was but never wanted to talk about it. It didn't bother me until she stopped answering my calls and couldn't continue with the relationship because she felt weird telling me she was abused but never the whole story.

It does take courage to tell a loved one about this and not being able to feel weird after it. it is a step forward because its the truth and personal events being told to another that build on a relationship like yours. his reaction will determine the outcome of this relationship.

[Takerslove]

I told my story my fiancée and when I asked him a few days later if he has thought about what I said and how it can affect the relationship he told me no. He said what happen in the past, is the past and didn’t want to know anything more. He has not asked me questions about the past or even brought it up. I am not really sure how to take him. My last boyfriend wanted to know everything down to a ‘T’. Is this how he is suppose to act or am I just over reacting?

[tickledpinkies]

I have a feeling the reason this new guy either doesnt like getting deep with women or he really cares about you and doesnt want to think about you being hurt (especially if it is sexual abuse). I have had friends who have been abused and sometimes I get really upset even when Im not in contact with them.

 

Im not sure about people who want to know every detail (just personal opinion) your better off with someone who is there to listen but doesnt push it out of you. I know some people who pretty much never want to talk about it with boyfriends but if you want an open relationship your going to have to sort it out.