am i really just second best?

[the temptress]

i am seein this guy called andy, we have been going on and off for about 3 months. he is 19 and has a girlfriend. we have not been having sex but doing stuff together and has made it clear that he wants more. i.e. sex. its getting hard to keep it a secret although his girlfriend does not suspect a thing. he says he would love to be with me and the he is 'falling' for me, which i am him, and that im not second best. its just the wrong time. i dunno what to make of him, he is really nice and sweet to me and we talk for hours about nothing at all but everything. make sense?! i am really looking forward to seeing him after about 3 weeks but i dont know if he is just using me for his own pleasure. his girlfriend dont bother me its just that we would have more time together if it aint for he. he has made it clear that he dont wanna be with her. what do u lot think he wants from me? realtionship or pleasure?

[Sketchy]

If he's willing to cheat on his girl with you, do you honestly think he's going to be a loyal to you?

 

I think you should let this guy go, and go find yourself a nice person. Either that... or tell him to make his decision... it's you or her. He's using you.

 

Why buy the cow if the milk is free? He's getting the best of both worlds.

[clia]

what do u lot think he wants from me?

 

Sex, sex, and more sex. For as long as you are willing to give it to him.

 

he says he would love to be with me and the he is 'falling' for me, which i am him, and that im not second best.

 

LOL. Seriously. LOL. Are you really falling for this?

 

its just the wrong time.

 

LOL. Right. Been there, heard that, got the T-shirt. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would be. Nothing would stop him!

 

i dunno what to make of him, he is really nice and sweet to me and we talk for hours about nothing at all but everything.

 

Sweet? Nice? He's cheating on his girlfriend!

 

i am really looking forward to seeing him after about 3 weeks

 

Stop this! Go out and get a life. Don't waste one more precious moment of your time thinking about this guy.

 

its just that we would have more time together if it aint for he. he has made it clear that he dont wanna be with her.

 

If he didn't want to be with her, he wouldn't be. He's an adult (I'm assuming?) and knows what steps to take to be with the girl he wants. He's not doing so. He hasn't done so in the three months that you've been fooling around with him. Three months is eons. He's had plenty of time.

 

Words are just words. Look at his actions. I don't care how long you've been talking to him on the phone or what he says to you. He is trying to get you into bed. That's all he wants. He wants a side treat. Yuck!

 

Please stop fooling around with him. You are setting yourself up for heartache and hurt. Go out and find a guy who appreciates you, not just your body!

[Ally Boo]

For future reference. If a guy wants you to be a "secret" he doesn't want you for anything that anyone SHOULD find out about. In your case....casual sex behind his girlfriend's back. I'm so sorry.

[Grace]

I'm friends with a guy who has had a gf for the past 3-1/2 yrs. We've been just friends for months now...no sex. He has never pushed the issue regarding sex. He told me he really respects me and would never ever push anything from me, especially because he knows I won't get involved with him while he has a gf and because he respects our friendship.

 

When he finally confessed his feelings for me a month ago, I told him if he wanted to date me so badly, he'd have to be single and gf free. I told him if he ever wanted to have a physical relationship with me, he'd have to court me correctly and when I was ready to have sex, I'd have it and not a moment sooner. He broke it off with his gf to be with me. This was in a matter of a month of him telling me his feelings.

 

Believe me. If this guy really liked you, the gf would be history and he'd be with you. Stop making it so easy for him. You're the other woman and that's all you'll ever be to him until you put your foot down and say NO to him for once. Guys will tell you anything you want to hear in order to get a girl in bed...even the words "I LOVE YOU" and "I'll leave her for you". This man is so sexually attracted to you, but he's not leaving his gf. It's sounds like this guy doesn't love or respect his gf either. She's not getting a prize that's for sure. I feel bad for her. Let her have him. She'll wake up one day. If you sleep w/ this guy, you are going to feel cheap and used. I've seen it many many times before. Run away from this man as fast as you can. I found this all out the hard way myself.

[midori]

Guys who cultivate relationships (sexual or not) with other women are deliberately withholding themselves from their primary relationship. It might just be about the sex he hopes to get from you, or it might also be that this guy is terrified of full-blown intimacy (with his girlfriend, or with any woman) so he spreads himself around. Either way, it's not a good thing at all.

 

If he's unhappy with his gf, he should break up with her regardless of whether or not he's got someone else lined up. If he doesn't want to end things with her, he's got no business building something with you, especially a friendship-that's-not-really-just-a-friendship. Not fair to you. Not fair to her.

 

Guys who screw around behind their girlfriend's back, either by sleeping with other women or by building other relationships to compete with their main romantic interest, tend to be repeat offenders. You might want to bear that in mind.

[Tony T]

Outstanding wisdom from midori....absolutely on target!!!

[Ally Boo]

Ok Tony, I nominate that you start the official "Midori Fan Club!" hehe