Marriage So Easily Trashed Over Appearance?

[Wedded25]

Hey, all ... Might I ask thy ears to bend again? I'm on vacation and should be sleeping in, but I'm wide awake because the following does NOT compute:

 

Those of you who read my first thread here know I take a firm stance against appearance pressures. This past Saturday morning, the lovely Mrs. W25 suffered a SERIOUS medical jolt (I'm not at liberty to give details) and spent the rest of the weekend and yesterday relaxing and recovering from it. However, last night when I got home from the grocery store, she was in tears and worried sick I was going to leave her because she hadn't fixed her hair, put on makeup, and generally made herself "look good for you, honey."

 

Of course, I gently reassured her and reiterated my positions: my love for her never drops over such matters, she's always lovely in any case, I find beauty pressures to be morally corrupt, and that even if a case could be made for "fixing oneself up" to go out (which is debatable at best), her own home should be a respite from such stress -- ESPECIALLY after a medical scare.

 

What irks me now are the thoughts that:

 

(1) Any guy could even feel entitled to toss his marriage on the slagheap because his wife doesn't keep up a beautification regimen 24/7/365, and

 

(2) All it takes to trigger that is seeing a woman who appears to do so -- and that dumping the wife upon sighting is not only normal, but perfectly acceptable! It's best embodied in that horribly sexist old pop song "Wives and Lovers":

 

Day ... after day ...

There are girls ... at the office ...

And ... men will always be men ...

 

Don't ... send him off ...

With your hair ... still in curlers ...

You ... may not see him again ...

I mean, the vow says, "till death do us part." Period. It does not say, "unless she decides not to put on makeup for a day or two, in which case HA HA all bets are off," or "unless she picks up a few extra pounds, stretch marks and/or worry lines, in which case get thee hence, you hag!" That's right: a few "flaws," and she goes from gorgeous to hag in a trice.

 

These notions are absurd on their face, and I have NO idea how they arise.

 

Thoughts eagerly welcomed. Thanks

 

Wedded25

_________

 

"We were the eleven o'clock news

because while the rest of the world

was going to hell we made love."

-- Richard Brautigan

[quankanne]

they arise when people buy into the crap pitched by media: That you're not truly worthy or beautiful unless you're a stick thin female with surgical enhancements or a guy sporting a six-pack and no body hair! All bullsxht, if you ask me, because people don't stop to think that even THOSE people get zits, have bad hair days, etc. Or realize that most of those photos are airbrushed.

 

how does one combat something like this? Honestly, I don't know, but I think the answer lies somewhere in letting the person know what you value most about them, and telling them over and over until they start to truly believe that you mean what you say.