HurtbyPorn Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 I can't believe I'm about to write this, but I think my husband has an online porn problem. We've been married for 10 years, and I've always known he did some "innocent perusing" from time to time, and frankly what guy hasn't? I never really cared, occasionally maybe we'd watch a movie together, but I could certainly live without it so I figured if he wants to look around once in a while on his own, what could be the harm? I should mention he is very moral and faithful, and a truly committed man - I've never had any concerns about his faithfulness in the marriage. Then, a few weeks ago, I came across a website which was more than just porn - he had actually established a log in and password on a local "escort" site, and was receiving and sending out pretty lewd messages. I even found e-mail messages asking "how much?" and "where are you located?", etc. Needless to say, I flipped out. To cut to the chase of it, he claimed he was just entertaining himself harmlessly, and it was never going to evolve into anything. He called it "live porn", with extra satisfaction because people were paying attention to him, and it was directed at him personally. After discussions, he also told me that he had made a couple of phone calls as well which were apparently very short, non graphic, and just something about taking the escapism to another level. He said he was "creeped out" by the calls, and stopped them and returned just to this "harmless" internet chatter, and that even it was getting boring and trailing off. The first problem of course that even I see as I am reading this is what kind of idiot am I for believing that there was nothing more to these messages than "entertainment". The fact is though that he is very shy and has never even set foot in a strip club, so he is definitely the last person I could imagine actually meeting up with a hooker. Also, he is a stay at home dad and with my 2 year old son all day, so I know there is actually no opportunity to do so. Plus I saw the websites of the "girls" he was talking to, and they were actually really gross looking - not the kind of thing that would be tempting. Most of all though, he is a very good person, and we have a very active (if you know what I mean) and fulfilling relationship, so I just don't think he would ever cheat. But of course there are those lingering doubts... Even if I can get past the doubts though, I am incredibly hurt by this behaviour. Like I said, I have no problem with a little porn or whatever now and then if that is his thing, but how could he be talking so dirty to someone other than his wife?? I know as a stay at home dad that boredom has played a role, and he has some emotional and self confidence issues stemming from some significant financial problems he is facing, so he claims it is escapism. He has apologised up and down, and sworn off of it and says he feels disgusted with himself for letting it get too far in his mind. I could really use some advice here - am I overreacting? Should I feel like I can't trust him? Any guys out there think this is normal behaviour? Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts