Jim Posted December 10, 1999 Share Posted December 10, 1999 Hi, My bf & I have been together 7 mo. Both in our late 30's, niether of us were looking for anything serious, but it happened. I love him with all my heart. I know he loves me too and has asked me to marry him. The only problem is that he is a sexual camel. He is very attentive and loves to cuddle, but says sex is not that important to him anymore. He goes weeks without touching me or even sleeping in the same bed. He claims he is too busy or too tired. This is driving me mad and I'm becoming depressed over it. I've already made the realization that if I marry him, nothing will change and I must learn to live with it. I don't want to give him up and I could never love anyone else like I do him. He knows how I am feeling, but he's perfectly happy the way things are. Any suggestions? You have to make him understand that there is a careful balance between your needs and his.. If he is like a 'sexual camel' - have you found out the reasons, is it his sex drive or is it more than that?? It could be his self confidence (etc..) If you love him, then as with all relationships, there are going to be things you have to .. well.. sacrefice, sex shouldn`t be one of them - you both should enjoy it.. What ever you do, make sure he tells you EXACTLY why things don`t happen.. Men have a hadit of not telling the ENTIRE truth about things, so make sure you get it all !! Jim.. Link to post Share on other sites
kris Posted December 12, 1999 Share Posted December 12, 1999 I hate having sex alot to and I'm married we do it about once a month big deal Just get a vibrator thats what my wife did and she is VERY happy -Kris Link to post Share on other sites
Simmer Posted December 12, 1999 Share Posted December 12, 1999 I hate having sex alot to and I'm married we do it about once a month big deal Just get a vibrator thats what my wife did and she is VERY happy -Kris Could there be an underlying reason that you guys don't want to have sex much, or are you just the type that doesn't have the need for much physical contact? I only want to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiser Woman Posted December 13, 1999 Share Posted December 13, 1999 RUN!!! Sorry if that sounds flippant but I married a man who wasn't that interested in sex either - it wasn't that he didn't like it, just not that big a deal to him and I have lived to regret it after thinking I could accept it. Eighteen years later I'm frustrated, bitter and resentful. I've run the gamut from begging him, throwing myself at him, pleading to get counseling to the point I'm at now - 46 years old and sleeping in a separate room. He seems perfectly happy being "roommates" while I spend most nights wondering what to do now. Sexual intimacy in a marriage is important, not the end all be all of a marriage but an intregal part and a marriage without it is not a happy one. Link to post Share on other sites
Simmer Posted December 13, 1999 Share Posted December 13, 1999 RUN!!! Sorry if that sounds flippant but I married a man who wasn't that interested in sex either - it wasn't that he didn't like it, just not that big a deal to him and I have lived to regret it after thinking I could accept it. Eighteen years later I'm frustrated, bitter and resentful. I've run the gamut from begging him, throwing myself at him, pleading to get counseling to the point I'm at now - 46 years old and sleeping in a separate room. He seems perfectly happy being "roommates" while I spend most nights wondering what to do now. Sexual intimacy in a marriage is important, not the end all be all of a marriage but an intregal part and a marriage without it is not a happy one. It's not that we NEVER have sex, just about once a month. And when we do it is terrific, definitly worth waiting for. I am happy with him otherwise and sometimes I feel I am being selfish when I want it more often and he's not up to it. Guess I'd better find a hobby, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Guy Posted December 13, 1999 Share Posted December 13, 1999 It's not that we NEVER have sex, just about once a month. And when we do it is terrific, definitly worth waiting for. I am happy with him otherwise and sometimes I feel I am being selfish when I want it more often and he's not up to it. Guess I'd better find a hobby, huh? I have to agree with Wiser Woman. My sig other just doesn't get all that excited about intimacy. If your the type of person who is looking for a pal to spend you life with that's great. But if you're like me and looking for passion, romance, and affection then it's rough to be with someone who's not. Especially because it's really bad on the self esteem to throw yourself at someone only to be rejected 4/5 times. Link to post Share on other sites
Simmer Posted December 13, 1999 Share Posted December 13, 1999 I have to agree with Wiser Woman. My sig other just doesn't get all that excited about intimacy. If your the type of person who is looking for a pal to spend you life with that's great. But if you're like me and looking for passion, romance, and affection then it's rough to be with someone who's not. Especially because it's really bad on the self esteem to throw yourself at someone only to be rejected 4/5 times. This is so sad. I think I finally find the love-of-my-life only to discover that LOVE, as with everything else, is not perfect. I'm not putting all the blame on him. He works 3rd shift, I work 1st. We have kids on the weekends and a visiting neighbor every evening. It's tough on him too, I'm sure. We do the best we can and so far we are both patient and understanding people. By the way, I have never thown myself at him, I always wait for him to make the 1st move because I think he is the kind of man who likes it that way. Think I should start 1st? But then if he rejectd my moves, then I would REALLY feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
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