My boyfriend cheated and I still love him...

[Guest]

Ok, here's my story...

I'm in a long distance relationship with my bf for over 3 months now...

We were really in love with each other until basically a month after our long distance we had a pretty big fight and things just went downhill from there....after that we hardly talk and he just msg me maybe once a day to let me know how his days go...some days he seem alittle warmer but most days it was cold. I planned a trip to visit him (we're in different country, like 4,000 miles away and 16 hours time difference) long ago and I was really thinking whether I should even go or not because I felt that we're pretty much over....

 

I was really devastated for nearly 6 weeks of time when we were apart and his attitude completely gone cold on me...we haven't date that long before we went on long distance and he was the one who kept making promises and want me to wait for him.

 

So I was all prepared and made my decision to visit him, to see him for 10 days...to prepare for breakup and stuff, and also to have fun too cuz I've never visit where he's from.

 

Anyway, when I got there, I notice something's changed, his feeling changed...he would use to always call me and stuff but basically he has changed...I couldnt put it in words but I almost felt like he doesn't love me anymore. He took good care of me during my stay, paid for everything and support all my need, I gave him credit for taking the time and effort to make my stay really enjoyable.

 

I met his parents, his relatives, his best friends. From an outsider point of view, we look like we're doing well and that he's acting as a very good bf...basically he was a really good provider in every way when i was there, very attentive, but I just felt that it was different.

 

Anyway, I did something horrible as to check his cellphone and found out he was messaging some girls online 5 days before I went there.

I confront him about it he said it was harmless and he wasn't gonna do anything anyway.....I kept on bugging him about it and then he apologize saying he'd never do that again.

 

He said he still love me and wants to work it out, and I asked him what plan does he have with our future? I said to him, I was devastated for over 6 weeks and I dun wanna go thru that again, I also said that if he isn't serious abt having a future with me than dun waste our time anymore and we can just break up after the trip.

 

He said he still wants us to go on and he's saying all the stuff abt saving up money and moving back to where i am. Well we spent most of the time sightseeing and having fun and we didn't really talk "that" much but the idea is that, he confirmed with me he still want me to wait for him.

So he said he can't come back to visit in August cuz the flight ticket is too expensive but he can come in December.

 

That's like 7 months later and I'm like are you sure u wanna do that? cuz it's a long time...and he is like, "dont 'worry I won't do anything, we'll be ok".

 

Finally I have to accept it but something's just doesn't feel right. After I came back home...I did another terrible thing..I checked his email without him knowing..he doesn't know I know the password...well I guessed it, and I guessed it right! I know, I'm horrible.

 

Anyway, as terrible as I sound, I found out MORE stuff about him.......he had signed up a site to look for 'sex friend' TWO DAYS after I left.

I meant, he even PAID for it.

I dunno if he already made arrangement or already cheated on me.

But that was enough.

 

Well, from this point on I guess u'd think, why am I stll writing here? wHy dun I just break it off...

 

the problem is..I can't believe I still love him after all these...is something wrong with me? this man hurt me so bad...and I still love him...he made me really happy like noboyd else at one point and then hurt me like nobody else as well.....I don't even think he love me!

 

He's telling EVERYONE around him he still love me and he wont' cheat on me, and here I found out the stuff he's doing.

 

I haven't confront him about it becuz it'd only lead to nothing but 'fighting' since I'm doing wrong for invading his privacy.

I'm more upset for the fact that he still can tell me to wait for him while lying to me with a straight face.

I dunno what I should do....my feeling for him was so strong that even after all these, I still have some feelings left for him...I feel hopeless with this relationshp but I just am not strong enough to break it off....I still want to talk to him and stuff...

I must sound pathetic...

Fact is, there are guys out there that are interest in me and yet I am just not interest in them....*sigh* I guess I just need to vent this out...I know everyone would have told me to break up with him...it's just so hard I dunno why.