Shyness!!!! Ahhhhh!

[Bill]

This is a question for people who have gotten over shyness.

 

I have a very extreme shyness. I can't every look anyone eyes talking to them, except maybe one of mygirlfriends. I have never asked a girl out in person, it's always been a setup. I have tried to just get over it, but it never works. This is like a fear or something.

 

I now work at a job with quite a few college girls. Everyone is kinda telling me that I need to go up and talk to them. I must not look like I'm shy because people just come up and talk to me if I am somewhere. With the exception of alcohol, nothing has worked to break this barrier. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

[Dragonflys]

Shyness can be hard to overcome, but personally, having overcome a lot myself, its all about the approach.

 

You are probably thinking now 'I have to do this' 'I have to do that', and you probably are trying to guage the reaction of the person you are trying to impress. Thats not the way...pointscoring does not work, women don't look for points.

 

Generally, within reason, women don't care too much about what you do, or even how you act as long as you believe in yourself in your actions. That is, you are able to act the way you do without looking for their reaction, expecting reward, waiting for gratification, because you know you are alright and can just be yourself.

 

If you approach a woman and just talk, act up as you usually do without fear and act a way that makes you feel good and does not suck up to her, your chances is improve. You approach each woman the same way, not expecting anyone to be 'the one'...most won't be interested, but if you act as I say above the ones who naturally would be will be. As Tony always says (considering the number of women we meet)..there will be plenty of women who will like you if you act yourself. Don't fear.

 

Without fear you can listen to that little voice of instinct that will tell you how to act as you do it, note what doesn't go down well, and learn from each experience.

 

Go get em!

 

Oliver

[Bill]

I guess my main problem is confidence...

[mighty bop]

Start working out and running. Your confidence will increase and you will probably overcome your shyness.

[Bill]

Working out... hrm, that might be hard to do as I have no lifting equipment. I used to be a member of a gym but that is too expensive for me anymore. As soon as the snow gets off the ground, I will go out skating again. I've also just gotten back into playing ice hockey.

 

I don't think that will work though. At my "peak" in sports I was elected for an AAA Ice Hockey team, yet I was STILL shy.

[lilithsfire]

Personally, I'm attracted to shy guys. They're genuine and when they do talk to me, I know they aren't going to deliver me some overused line.

 

Your shyness could actually be a plus. Don't worry so much about that, and instead, just concentrate on the specific thing YOU want that you feel shyness is keeping you from getting--then deal with that issue individually.

 

If you think what you really want is confidence--well that's different for every guy. I know, as a woman, I used to be incredibly insecure and shy and completely not confident. I hated so many things about my body and everything else that I was dumbfounded if a guy talked to me (and then I gushed all over him about my insecurities and HE began wondering why he was talking to me).

 

What changed was just dealing with each insecurity, rather than trying to overcome the vague concept of 'shyness.' I made a list of everything I loved about myself, everything I disliked about myself, and then a list of the ideal me, noting what I'd have to change about myself to become that ideal me.

 

Just making the list helped me keep these things at the forefront of my mind, so I started noticing things, living more consciously. I didn't stress about changing everything at once, but little by little, over the next two years, I changed everything I didn't like, learned to cherish the things that I did like, and soon after, my confidence just sort of appeared.

 

Everyone's different, but give that a go--it's amazing what simply taking stock of yourself can do for you.

 

=)

[Dragonflys]

It's non-proactiveness!!

 

You appear to deconstruct what others say, make an excuse, sigh, and then label it as shyness as if thats your lot in life.

 

I think your goal should be to break down some of the barriers through hard work and determination to sieze this life before its gone.

 

Oliver

[quankanne]

do you know anyone who is comfortable talking with people? My boss's wife is a true extrovert, she is comfortable striking up conversations with anyone, and I've picked up a lot of "tips" just by watching how she handles herself around people. I think a lot of it has to do with how comfortable she is with the idea that she will be able to find something that helps her to connect with the person she's talking to, whether it's volunteer work, hobbies, kids, where she's lived, what she's read lately, etc.

[Tolkien]

I used to be very shy, I was made fun of a lot and it was very hard for me. I'm just now getting to the point of not being shy anymore.

 

One thing that helped me was to say "What's Up" to everyone I knew on a pure acquaintance basis. Even if I only knew there name, and nothing about them, I would say Hi. Some would be a little shocked I said anything, but the next day I would have a new friend.

 

I go to a high school with over three thousand people, and I can't walk anywhere without finding someone I know, all though it did take 3 years and about 20 or so classes.

 

So basically what I am trying to tell you is to just say hello to everyone you recognize, and go from there.