i need advice from other pet lovers

[jamieileana]

my dog is 16 years old. i have had him since he was 2 months old.

 

recently he was diagnosed with renal failure and hip and knee dysplasia.

 

for the most part he seems to still be in good spirits and has his good days and bad days.

 

the other day however he was unable to get the use of his back legs while i was out.

 

when i came home i found him stuck on the kitchen floor unable to get his back legs out from under him to get up.

 

the rest of the day he was pretty exhausted and slept so soundly that he urinated himself as well.

 

the next day he was better again. but i know now that his time is running out!

 

my boyfriend has been with him and me for 4 1/2 years so he is close to my dog as well.

 

this morning i told him jokingly that i was not leaving the house ever again until my little guy was gone.

 

he got mad at me about my statement. he knows how much i love this little guy. he has been through so very much with me, that when he is gone it is going to be devastating as it is.

 

every weekend we go out for a few drinks and some music entertainment.

 

this evening i do not want to go out anywhere. i hinted to my boyfriend (we live together) about this and he said "we'll see".

 

this is not something that "we'll see" is what i needed to hear.

so i sent him a fax asking him "a movie and a six pack, yay or nay?"

 

i am still waiting for his reply. what hurt's the most about all this is that i am afraid to just come out and tell him that i do not want to go out tonight.

 

i already know his response will be "what'd ya going to do just live your life for the dog until he is gone?"

 

or something to that affect. mind you he is not an oger or anything like that, he just believe's in this pulling yourself up by your boot straps and getting on with life.

 

if he thinks i don't want to go out now while he is still alive, what makes' him think that i am going to want to go out after his death and have a good ole time, at least right away anyway?

 

yesterday my little guy got stuck in the doggy door and was unable to pull himself through it to get back in.

 

what if that happen's again when we are at the bar? the guilt and anger towards him that i would feel would be very much that it just is not worth it now to me, but he don't understand that.

 

don't get me wrong, my little guy is not on his last breath by any means, not yet anyway, but the vet said he could live another few week's only and that was two weeks ago!

 

there is nothing they can do for him, so from here on out it is just comfort measures for him.

 

how can i explain all this to him so that he wont be upset with me?

 

he think's i am using my dog as an excuse to not go out. all i want to do is spent every possible minute with him as possible, i do not want to leave him alone for any long length of time.

 

 

how he can think that after all these years of going out every single weekend is beyond me.

 

i do get sick of it and want to stay at home some times but yet i go to please him.

 

him going alone wont happen, i firmly believe that a guy who is not single has no place in a bar without his girlfriend with him.

 

so that is not even an option. if he was going to play golf or something like that, then fine, but not to a bar, no way!

 

so i would like some input on my predicament, please?

 

Editor's Note: This thread spawned off into another thread of discussion regarding pet health which has been moved to pet lovers unite.

[yes]

how can he expect u to go out and have fun while your dog has so little time left to live? that's just plain cruel. How can your bf himself have fun, if he's also attached to the lil guy, and if not that, if he cares about your grief?

 

i think it's 100% right of you to stay home and comfort the lil guy. i know i would, and i'd be mad and upset as hell at my bf if he wasn't understanding. doesn't he get that u'll be sitting at the bar, but your mind will be back at home anyway?

 

-yes

 

PS i know this is a terribly sad time, - i've gone through the same thing, - and the only comforting thought is that the lil one had lived a long and happy life with you, and that's a blessing.

[mighty bop]

Don't mean to sound mean or anything, but it's just a dog. That may sound bad, seeing that you have had him for 16 years and all, but you shouldn't let something like this get in the way of the relationship with your man. I think you should just put the little guy to sleep. He is probably in a lot of pain as it is. What do you think?

[yes]

nothing makes me more mad than hearing people say "it's JUST a dog"... what do you mean by JUST??? If U were dying, wouldn't you want the person you love most be by your side?

 

Some people just don't understand that other species have feelings, too.

 

-yes

[jamieileana]

I TOO GET SO ANGRY WHEN PEOPLE IMPLY THAT!

most frustrating is the total lack of understanding from others that have never had the love, comfort and companionship of a pet.

 

that is why i specically posted "need help from animal lovers".

this is why i did not want to be subjected to people with little hearts that have little minds.

 

until you have loved and felt the love of a beloved, loyal, faithful compainion as that of a pet, it is almost impossible in my book to know what un-conditional love is all about.,

 

something that too few humans can even give or have experienced.

 

YES; thank you so much for the comfort. thank you also for putting into words what i have been trying to say but just could not find the right words.

 

my bf says he understands all this but he thinks in his mind that my little guy is going to live yet another six months because 2 1/2 years ago when diagnosed with congestive heart failure the vet then said he would only live another year.

 

like i said that was 2 1/2 years ago so he proved them wrong them and he thinks that my dog will prove them wrong again.

 

however as much as i would like to be that optimistic i just am not and i can't be either.

 

you are right, that i would not have any fun, i do not want to leave my baby alone and am not going to especailly to go to the bar like we do every single weekend anyway.

 

if we had something planned that was special then maybe i would ask someone to stay here with him, but that is not the case.

 

because he thinks he will be here for another six months that is what he is basing his opinion of tihs on.

 

thank you again SO MUCH for the help and coming to my resuce with the above poster.

 

i feel bad for that person, maybe they just want to make trouble, who know's.

 

their attitude is their problem, really.

thanks to you again, it is nice to find someone who can relate to what i am going through and i'm so sorry that you had to go through this too.

 

take care.

[mighty bop]

I love animals, especially dogs. I wasn't trying to cause trouble either. And my attitude is not a problem. I guess I just don't understand since I am not around my dogs 24/7. Everything's gonna be OK!

[jamieileana]

all is forgiven.

it does hurt when people say he is "just a dog".

just saying that for the record, okay?

 

take care

[mighty bop]

OK

[Just A Girl2]

Don't mean to sound mean or anything, but it's just a dog. That may sound bad, seeing that you have had him for 16 years and all, but you shouldn't let something like this get in the way of the relationship with your man.

 

Just a dog? Hello? That's a pretty insensitive remark to make to someone who's had the courage to share that their companion of 16 yrs doesn't have much time left. I am astounded by human beings who are so damn heartless and cold when it comes to animals. I hope to God you don't have pets.

 

And to Jamie....I totally understand. I had an elderly cat who had renal failure, high blood pressure, and a rare condition of the adrenal gland......at the end, it was her heart that was failing......and I didn't even want to leave the house for an hour because I needed to be there in case she got 'bad' and I needed to make that trip to the Vet.

 

In your dog's case, please consider this......animals deserve to leave this world with dignity, and without pain. If they can't barely get around, are peeing all over themself, if it's a struggle for them to walk across the room or change positions, they need to be let free from their suffering. Animals are notorious at hiding their pain and suffering...so by the time you DO notice things getting bad, it's already pretty bad for them. It really does take more love to 'let them go' (humanely, at the Vets) then to keep them around because we selfishly don't want to be without them.

 

And if it's really hard for you to get your poor dog in the car and to the vet when the time comes, many Vets will make house calls.....I know so many people who've chosen this way. The Vet will give the animal something to sedate them a little first, and then it's extremely peaceful...and they spend their last moments in their own home, surrounded by those who love them. If your own Vet doesn't do this, ask him/her if he/she knows of one who does..or look in the Yellow Pages of your phone book, under "Veterinarians"....here in Canada, anyway, some include in their listings that they make house calls.

 

16 yrs old is very old for a dog........as I'm sure you know. Please don't let him suffer Renal failure in dogs is really no different than it is in cats..and in the final stages, it can be very painful.......all the toxins that build up in their body due to their failing kidneys not being able to filter them out. I went through this disease for 16 months with my old kitty (though luckily with cats, there's a lot more treatment options up to a certain point). Failing kidneys affect every part of the body.

 

And as for your boyfriend, well geez, if you've been together with him for 2 yrs and you live together, you shouldn't have to feel afraid to tell him you don't want to go out. My God, he should have enough basic compassion to understand how hard this must all be for you......he sounds very selfish and dense. Pets are like our children, to a degree..and if they've been in our life for so many years, they are part of our family...sometimes even closer than real family, as I"m sure you know (such unconditional love).

 

You just have to think about you and your dog right now. If your b/f doesn't 'get it', too bad. Don't make any apologies or explanations.......you shouldn't have to explain. Millions of pet owners in this world have gone through what you're going through, or are going through it right now...and what you're feeling is normal and right. During the last couple weeks of my kitty's life (when she was just diagnosed with her heart failure), I slept in "her room" with her, on the floor for 2 weeks.....just had to be there in case she got short of breath or anything. I didn't have an insensitive boyfriend to contend with, thankfully......but I did once have one years ago..when one of my other cats was sick (nearly died).....and I learned that I had to put my pet first.......with no regrets.

 

It's often hard to know 'when' to let them go.........but for me, as crazy as this is going to sound, I asked my kitty to 'give me a sign' when she was ready to go......because some days would be good, some not. It was so hard to know, and I'm a nurse and these things (in humans) are usually pretty cut and dry. Even on her last day, she was walking around a little and eating......but she moved so stiffly and was so tired after walking only a few steps. I knew it was time. It was so clear to me, though it broke my heart. After I took her in and she was put to sleep, I was sick about it, but felt an amazing peace inside...because I knew I'd done the right thing, out of love for her......and wanting her to go with dignity (and not in such a bad condition that she couldn't even get to the bathroom on her own).

 

Wishing you much strength and courage.........and tune your b/f out if he doesn't get it. You are not in the wrong, honest.

[Ally Boo]

I'm not really one for that sort of thing, but to me, it sounds more mean to let a dog who is obviously in extreme pain, and can't even get up on his own life each day hurting like that. I'm not insensitive at all. In fact, when I read this post, my heart hurt, because I can't imagine how that dog must feel. And to ME that's worse.

[jamieileana]

ally,

if i thought for a moment that my little guy was in constant pain and totally unable to fend for himself, to go pody without my help, to have to be tube fed, etc....

 

then i would not let him live that way. it seems people are mis-understanding this.

 

i did state that did happen but only the one time. since then i have not left him alone for more then hour at a time!

 

fortunately i have a job that i can take him with me, and he will be with me all day today.

 

my original post was about my boyfriend and him wanting to go out for our weekly night out over the weekend, and my not wanting to leave my little guy just to go out to a bar.

 

i appreciate your concern though, and please do rest assure when he gets to a point that he is in pain and unable to function on his own, i will help him to a much better place.

 

like us he has his good days and bad days and when his bad days out weigh his good days then i will help to the rainbow bridge.

 

thank you for your concern.

[Ally Boo]

Well, I'm glad to know it's not as bad as it sounded to me. I know the situation you are in. A lady at my bank has a dog she adores too, and she's dealing with such pain because the dog is blind, deaf, and has no bladdar control. She knows she should put him down, but it's hard, so I understand. Thank you for not thinking I was trying to be mean, I really wasn't, it was just a thought.