yes Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 I've been seeing someone who's from a different country, as am I. He is often nostalgic, and I get jealous when he's remembering his friends, etc, cuz I feel like he'd rather be there than with me. I dunna if this is just my insecurity or not, but when I'm with him, there's nowhere else I'd rather be; and I often feel like he'd rather be elsewhere - with his best friends, in his country, etc. He cannot move back to his country because of its poor economy, and his friends have left their country as well, anyway. I'm going to give it some more time, and if I still feel like this, I'll call it quits... I think when someone's in love, they won't be often nostalgic, but perhaps i'm wrong. I get nostalgic, too, but I don't have as many friends or great memories from back home, and I'm happy to be here, in this city, close to him. *sigh* -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 While his stabs at nostalgia aren't making you feel very special, you have to understand his predicament and the sadness he feels. Be thankful he feels comfortable enough with you to express this sadness. Imaging yourself having to leave your own home, country, friends, etc. to permanently live in a new, strange land. The feeling is pretty depressing and isolated. I agree that if this goes on, you should terminate the relationship because obviously you don't need to listen to this crap forever. He's got to accept things sooner or later and get along with his life. Just how long you listen to him is up to you. But you can't keep him from expressing his sadness or you can suggest he go find someone else with a more willing ear. I also get the feeling he doesn't understand relationships very well. He needs to know that if he doesn't help you feel real special in his life, you aren't going to be there forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Unclescam777 Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 Oh!!!!!! The Scam Man is here to tell you something. Now is your chance to attack! Understand he is missing his old life, and that should be expected. But now here is where the plan comes in. Right now he is hurting, which means he is vulnerable. Its time to move in for the kill. The best thing for you to do is be the best damn person he has ever met. Love him, caress him, be there for him. Listen to him talk about his past life and be supportive. Be the best girlfriend(or boyfriend maybe? I dont knwo your sexual preference) you can be. If you act like a Goddess now he will fall madly in love with you and want nobody but you. Trust me it works. A few months of kissing up to him will get him for good. But please please please don't be mean. If you do this, don't change into a nasty person once you reel him in....when he finally gives his all to you please treat him right. It sucks giving your heart to someone only to have them change how they act, it really hurts, and believe me i know from experience. Reel him in now, then work on making it a permanant thing. Believe me it'll work. Support him! Stand by him! talk to him about his past life and be there to cheer him up. And definately act intersted and get him to tell you some funny stories about his friends. If he sees you interested in this he will no longer just care about his past, he'll soon have a place for both of you. The worst thing you can do is get upset over this and not be there for him in his time of lonliness. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 Totally disagree with Unclescam... Listen to him talk about his past life and be supportive. To a certain extent. Listen kindly, say "Awww..." and then change the subject or point out the beautiful flowers on the side of the street. If what he's talking about makes you feel bad, act bored. Be nice, but act bored. I don't think this is mean behavior. talk to him about his past life and be there to cheer him up. You weren't put on this earth to be his therapist or to counsel him out of his sadness or nostalgia or to cheer him up. How long have you been seeing him? Someday when you are married you can cheer him up. Until then, you aren't happy when he is going on and on ad nauseum about this particular topic. Furthermore, it's rude of him to constantly talk about people and situations you don't know anything about. A story every now and then is fine, and possibly interesting. Going on and on forever to the point that you are simply feeling like a vessel for him to fill about his wonderful past is not. So? Do the aforementioned "Aw..." or "That sounds like fun" and then Change The Subject. If you don't like how you feel when he is around, he isn't the guy for you. (You know this, I know you do!) Link to post Share on other sites
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