No doubt about it. I'm in love with my friend

[iridealone]

I met this girl at work a few years ago and we were both hired at about the same time. We were just work acquaintances and I didn't think much about her at first, but a friendship eventually developed between us. We would call each other and message each other and talk about things outside of work, but I didn't feel any romantic feelings for her then plus she was in a relationship which eventually ended. We were just good friends. About four months ago, I started having feelings for her which have grown really strong, but I haven't told her how I felt. I was afraid my feelings wouldn't be returned, and I let the feelings gnaw away at me for months which has been very painful. I've heard it's not a good idea to date a co-worker but I don't care at this point. I am very much interested in her, but I can't seem to accurately gauge how she feels about me. She often comes up to me and asks me for help with a lot of things. She also likes to tease me in a playful way. Recently when she has talked to me, she has smiled and winked at me. Does that indicate she may be interested? She is in another relationship right now but it doesn't seem really serious. About two months ago, she became really testy at me for no particular reason and I don't know if girls do this to guys when they are interested in them but the guy doesn't seem to respond. I really love this girl and I want to be with her, but I'm afraid to say anything for fear of getting myself hurt if she doesn't feel the same way. Based on what I've described, does it seem she is interested in me and do I have a chance? Should I just tell her straight out now?

[GiveAndTake]

Do the 2 of you spend time together outside of work? If so, where and how often?

 

If you don't, then ask her to go to dinner or a movie with you. Be casual about it like it's a friend thing. If she says no, then she isn't interested. If she says yes, then you can up the anti from there.

[VnusMars]

I don't think GiveAndTake's advice is necessarily going to give you an answer. If you ask her to "go out," she may see it as a "just friends" thing and agree to go anyway. My best friend and I went out all the time for 2 years - breakfasts, shows, dinner, drinks, shopping - and it was all strictly platonic.

 

I also caution you to be too forward with her if she's in a relationship - the last thing you want to do is be disrespectful of that, or of her boyfriend. If and when a relationship develops between you, that respect and honor will be remembered.

 

I think the best you can do is just BE HER FRIEND and let the rest come as it will. Do things together, have fun together, get to know the REAL her without an agenda. Learn to appreciate the love you feel for her for what it is, and not for what it's going to bring YOU.

If you're just yourself and are relaxed and can be a real friend to her, she will notice. Something about you is attractive to her already, it seems, so let her see the rest.

 

I say this because I was in a similar boat - my girlfriend and I started as casual work friends, then later progressed to best friends - she was with someone else and so was I, so it was all very honest and platonic. But, I developed strong feelings for her, and from what she's told me recently, she developed her own, but neither of us really let on to the other. I broke up with my previous girlfriend because I realized that I was in love with my best friend, and it wasn't fair to her to string her along if I wasn't going to commit.

 

Newly single again, my best friend and I continued being buddies, but she was still dating someone.

I said to myself "I'm just happy that I have the opportunity to be with her at all and love her for who she is...if something more is going to come of it, it will happen eventually, for now I'm just glad to call her my best friend."

 

And I relaxed and enjoyed life - I dated very casually a little bit, had fun with her, etc.

 

And within 2 months, we were sitting having drinks and she basically said "all of our friends think we should be together, why aren't we, and could we make it work?"

 

That was April 28, and the last month has been wonderful, because we took the time and had patience with ourselves and after 6 years of friendship and 2 years of being best friends, we're now together. And since we've already been "together" for a few years, I don't feel at all strange in saying that I honestly think I will marry this girl and be with her forever.

 

So...

Feel it out. Enjoy her company. Do things together. Don't pressure her or hint too much, just be yourself.

Eventually, you will need to just tell her how you feel - just make sure it doesn't disrespect whatever relationship she may already be in, or wait until she is single again (and wait a good month or so after the breakup so there are no "rebound" issues).

 

I am proof positive that patience and openness are the keys to going from friends to lovers.