Neketah Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 I'm new here. Maybe someone can help me with this. Why is it hard for some men to show affection, cuddle or say sweet things to us. For example.. say you wanted to go on a 4 day getaway.and you get your period.and the man refuse to take you on that getaway. I don't like having sex then..but what wrong with cuddling and showing affection. Even if he gets horny..there are several ways he can be pleased. I love my husband of 13 years dearly. but somethings I just don't understand..he wasn't like this before..Help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 Some Significant Others are emotionally distant, and honestly, unless the other person is the 1 out of 9,040,574 people that can deal with it, it's doomed. That's what ended my marriage, and we went to counseling. They discovered that he has a problem with intimacy. It's physically hard for him...would be the same as someone who is terrified of heights, riding a Ferris Wheel. It's just scary for them to do, and nearly impossible at times. I don't really understand it. He wasn't willing to work through it...even facing that fear was terrifying for him. Our counseler (also a male) said he had that problem as well, and he had to pysically make himself hold his child. So, it wasn't just that he was distant to his wife, but to everyone. I think we all have this problem to a degree, but most of us can get past it, once we start trusting someone. Then, there are some who never will look past it. The only thing I know to tell you is to encourage him to get help, and if he refuses, hang it up, bc I promise you, its over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neketah Posted January 20, 2003 Author Share Posted January 20, 2003 I see what you're saying..but it's quite different. he shows compassion for other female friends< his co-workers>.The only time my husband wants to touch me is for sex. We can laugh and have fun and be just plain crazy together. but I'm beginnng to feel more like a friend instead of his wife. He says he love me more than life itself. I guess I need a lot of affection and closeness. Yes I am insecure..but he made me that way. When he started putting his <co-workers> first. Am I making any since?<smile> Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 I understand how you feel. I felt like his sister or mom. The only explaination I can see is that those female aquaintences are "safer" than you. In other words, he's not as intimate with them, as he is with you, and therefore he's not afraid of showing "safe" affection with them...because nothing is expected in return. Know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 These two sentences do not jive: say you wanted to go on a 4 day getaway.and you get your period.and the man refuse to take you on that getaway. He says he love me more than life itself. A man who loves you more than life itself wouldn't give a rats ass if you got your period prior to a four day getaway. He would take you anyway. I just don't understand..he wasn't like this before What does this mean? How has he changed? Is it possible he's having an affair with one of these co-workers? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neketah Posted January 20, 2003 Author Share Posted January 20, 2003 I know you're right it shouldn't matter about the getaway..It didn't in the pass. because we did go. No I don't believe he's having an affair. He feels like everything is fine, and he don't see anything wrong. Well I make have to make him listen to me. But I'm not going to beg. Thnx for your output. Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 Neketah- I have no idea why some men are like that, but I know exactly how you feel. My husband was the same way. He never touched me unless he wanted sex, even if I was having a really bad day and I just needed a hug. Yet he never had any troubles showing affection to his female co-workers and friends. Most of the time I didn't even feel like a friend, I felt more like the maid. I didn't even get an "I love you" from him. I understand what you mean by "he wasn't like this before" my marriage didn't start out like that, and I don't know what happened either. The only advice I have is for you two to see a counselor. My husband and I are currently separated, he has been seeing a counselor and says he is better but it's just to little to late for us. Try to explain to him how he is making you feel. I understand your frustration and pain, I wish you the best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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