Psychology of a special girl

[The One Who Loves Only Her]

This is probably going to take a long time to read because this has taken place for a long time. In short, I like this girl who didn't like me at first. Then, she began to like me without telling me and this was only brought to my knowledge after I had left for college as a freshman and she has found another guy. If you can give me any advice on what to do, or if you are simply interested in hearing a story from a 'fool' like myself, please read on.

 

It all started at the end of my high school sophomore year, when we were required to find a full time job for a few weeks to gain real world working experience. I was and still am thinking of doing computer science in college and having taken three years of computing courses in high school, I was on the look out for a computer related job. The employment rate was dropping at the time and I received no replies whatsoever. Eventually, my teacher found this job for me at a local hospital where I was supposed to be doing data entry and setting up medical record databases.

 

This was where I met this girl, who shall be known as Katherine for the sake of anonymity. I found her attractive physically on first sight, but it would have required more than that if I were to like this girl. Life is full of surprises and instead of doing data entry and database work everyday, the consultant surgeon who we worked for took us around the hospital everyday doing things from observing open heart surgery to calming down children in the pediatrics wards. Katherine and I did everything together during those few short weeks; we ate together, worked together and played together in our spare time. She is a very cheerful and optimistic person who never seems upset, even though she might be crying on the inside. I knew I was falling for her.

 

We were only required to work for two weeks, but somehow, out of pure 'voluntary' action, my job stretched into just over a month. By that time, summer was quickly coming to an end. She is one year and eleven months older than I am and it was time for her to go to college. We did not go to the same high school so not seeing her in school seemed normal. However, not seeing her everyday somehow hollowed my inside. It was as if a part of my life was taken away. She lived not far from my place, but it is very difficult to catch her on the move as she is VERY busy.

 

I managed to tell her that I like her before the end of the summer and received no reply. She is one of those special few who is liked by many, but chooses none. I later learned that she liked 'older men' and not small little kids like myself. I felt very useless at that moment; I knew I was more than liking her by then and yet there is this impassible barrier that I cannot penetrate, no matter how hard I tried. I did not think about giving up, however, but instead I remembered something a teacher at school had said, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again." Persistence was not new to me as many of you who do lots of math or fishing knows. I was determined to keep trying.

 

Sometimes, I would feel very depressed when she is not around. The first time I got drunk was when I was by myself and thinking of her. When my family and I went on a sight seeing tour during the summer, I stared at a boulder next to the woods and saw the details of her pretty face slowly materializing on its surface. It was especially hard on me when exam times came. Sometimes, I'd sit at my desk for six hours at a pop, doing nothing but spacing out and thinking about her.

 

Since I never got to see her after that summer and she was never home, email and ICQ became our only means of contact. It saddens me when a good friend in real life slowly fades away and all I was left with is a net friend. I consoled myself that summer was not all that far away, even though it was only early September. At least one good thing I got out of this 'relationship' is better physical fitness. Her home was 1.5Km away from mine and I used to run from my place to hers everynight, just so that there was a chance for me to see her, no matter how small my chances were.

 

I was not the play around type and I sent her presents when it was her birthday, delivered get well cards to her door by hand when she was sick and helped her out in every imaginable way I could. Although she never asked much of me, I knew I would attempt in every possible way to satisfy her needs if she so requested. At this point, I knew it was love. Well, to be fair, it was true love from my part anyway. What do you think?

 

Summer time came after a long academic year and she asked me out to see a movie: Notting Hill. I was more than happy to watch the movie with her because she had never done that before. I thought she began to like me a bit more, but I wasn't sure. She told me later that she did began to like me a bit more, yet she backed off when I asked her of what our next move should be. She didn't want anymore than the good friendship we had and I repsected her decision. I knew that I had at least touched her heart when she waited for me outside my place to give me a farewell present the night before I left for college. Just to let you know, college is not just a 40 minute drive away in my case; it is 6000 miles away.

 

I knew it was going to be a few months before I will get to go back home to see her again, so I devoted all my energy into my studies as a first quarter college freshman. Only four weeks had passed before I received an ICQ message from Katherine; she had fallen in love with some other guy. I was heart broken, but felt honored to have a 'friend' who was so frank with me. I told her before that I value honesty the most and she had not failed to honor my values even at a situation like this. It was a cross between happy and sad and my eyes remained dry like a desert, no matter how hurt I was inside. It was two days later before two drops of tears dripped down my cheeks and my eyes ran dry once more.

 

Today, I still like her and I know that I always will. I am one of those guys who would love a woman with all he has got and show no regret no matter what happens. If you are a girl, or a guy, can you please explain to me the logic in this? She told me on the phone that I was the best guy she knew. If she really liked me, why could't she spare more time to see me a little more often or keep a long distance relationship? I know not everyone has the will or power to keep a long distance relationship, but I trust her with all I've got and I believe she does too. If I were the best guy, why would she find this other nice guy all of a sudden? Why did she have to make a decision like this when it would be most stressful for me to cope with? I was going through a period of transition in life from a high school boy to a college freshman thousands of miles from home and it felt like the whole world was coming down on me.

 

Well, the time has finally come for me to go back home. I'll be leaving within seven hours of sending this message. What do you suggest that I do when I get back? If you have any comments, advice or whatever, please post them up. Anything you feel or want to say is much appreciated. Even if you think I am a fool and that I should let go (as with most pplz), please feel free to say that too. I am already delighted if you have read all the way up to this point because this IS quite long. Thanx for reading my thoughts =)

[Jim]

Hi,

 

Its hard to say what is the BEST thing to do.. Personnally if I was in your position I would probably go and see her, just for a chat.. It would only kill you if you didn`t actually see her..

 

Alot of men devote themselves to a single women, even when the odds as stacked against them.. Its strange but the men that are devoted, honest and caring never seem to get anywhere with women - but then thats life..

 

See her, talk with her, and expect nothing.. If you do as a friend, not wanting anything, not expecting anything then you have everything to gain from your visit..

 

Beleive me, there are plently of other women out there.. Infact there are probably thousands just the same (personality, socially, looks, etc..) as your friend, but ARE interested in you..

 

Take care, and most importantly *** LET US KNOW (VIA REPLY) HOW YOU GO ON, AND WHAT YOU DID !!! ***

 

Jim.