Hmm....... ?

[dr strangelove]

So

 

a while ago I first found loveshack.org. I thought ok i'll write about my situation.

And I did and I remember back then I thought I would never speak to my ex again.

 

And after posting for a little while she started trying to make some brief contact with me.

 

So since that time, theres always been her popping up at some point. Although it never goes anywhere. One time on a lark I went to see a fortune teller and she said you can have what ever you want even her but you have to do everything in order.

And she added, "im not sure" you really want her though.

 

In any case, im not sure what order I have to do everything.. I mean I have a rough idea. But in the meantime

 

Since I have posted about my ex.. I eventually was visited by a friend who I

queried about her. And of course I asked has she mentioned me. He said yes

Then he confessed I was all she ever talked about.

 

Then after some time I planned to try and have him pass her a trinket from me or try to get us invited to the same place. But on a day I was invited to see him him perform I had an anxiety attack..

 

So Ive lost touch with him. And then not long ago she sent me an email saying that she came by to see me and wondered why I wasnt around and said some other things about the state of my place and I wasnt sure if this was her just trying to stick me with a verbal knife or what she had in mind.

 

Ive read in books if someone like an ex is trying to contact you they still have interest. But I stared at the email for afew weeks. She even tried to call the next day but I did not pick up.

 

Then I left a bag of stuff for her with a friend.. this was maybe 3 weeks or so after the email. One day she called me and said why dont u pick up the phone

then she said its over move on.. I also believe she called me at 3am prior

 

My first though was I guess she said that to get a reaction.. then I thought maybe she tought I was with someone and thats why I didnt answer at 3 am.

 

My friend said that I should have responded quicker, and that now she is ticked off at me. I guess it would be good if I could get my timing right one of these days. Its hard to figure if she is sincere or not, I can see why she could get upset making some effort and not getting any reaction from me. That must be very upsetting. She has a pretty fragile ego.

 

So..

I guess its like this

 

Sometimes when they make contact..{the dumper) You have to pick up on that mood..ie your chance.. cause you have to think about

How many days and night did they have to work up the confidence or strength to make contact

I guess I can see why my ex kind speaks to me the way she does, I mean it sort of like she turns it around so it was my idea or hey you have problems its so its not so terrifying making contact.

 

I kind of agree with nofoolins quote in his latest post "get a life get a girl" but

problem is I lol I was at the pinnacle of success and it sucked having no one to share it with

Anyone successful has someone close.. a family member, a pet etc..

Its hard building a castle on your own

 

Anyways another reason I posted this sometimes she pops up when I make a post about her.. call me superstitous but its happened

 

And so... the other thing I was thinking about was

The time when we broke up for a while and I got her back

 

I been thinking about what I did that time and trying to repeat the steps

I can break it down to these

 

 

-saw other people

-focussed on my own thing

-did not make any contact with her

this step was hard.. I was dying.. I even bought her a teddy bear and plant and the day I did that she showed up on my doorstep out of the blue

 

-The other thing was I never completely forgot wbout her but I did tell myself I would see her again.. I didnt go on and on about it. Well sometimes I did

I kept a picture of her on my wall which I sometimes looked at.. I dont do that anymore, in fact I ripped up a pile of pictures I printed out of her, I felt awful after that.

 

So I dunno its tough focussing on just your own thing. I try to date too but that really doesnt work out so well.

 

I might have to visit that lady to clarify what order I should do things in.. I guess I look at that as a long long road that I have to travel maybe it doesnt have to be as long as I think it will be.......

[CaliGuy]

Amigo.

 

If she called or tried to make contact and gave up after one or two tries and cops an attitude like "it's over..." well then you know her heart was never in it. She was just trying to test the waters to make sure you were still on her string.

 

If she really wanted to be with you neither hell nor high water would stop her.

 

Instead of focusing on what you should have done, instead of focusing on ways to scheme her back why don't you do the only RIGHT and JUST thing in this situation?

 

And that's focus YOU. The here. The now. The present. What happened in the past is done. You have no control over any future with her. The only thing you do control, is you.

[dr strangelove]

You know what Cali

 

Im glad you wrote something here. Because I totally disagree with you.

 

Anyways, the difference between my situation and yours is I would have my ex back already if I got to see her in person.

 

"If she really wanted to be with you neither hell nor high water would stop her."

really? Do you think she is the frigging post office or us marshalls? No she is a woman.

 

I have never been scheming to get her back, but at the same time I sure havent made myself open to getting her back either..that probably doesnt make much sense but it will at some point.

 

Let me put it to you this way

 

You will never catch a bus if your not standing at the bus stop..

[polywog]

You know what Cali

 

Im glad you wrote something here. Because I totally disagree with you.

 

Anyways, the difference between my situation and yours is I would have my ex back already if I got to see her in person.

 

"If she really wanted to be with you neither hell nor high water would stop her."

really? Do you think she is the frigging post office or us marshalls? No she is a woman.

 

I have never been scheming to get her back, but at the same time I sure havent made myself open to getting her back either..that probably doesnt make much sense but it will at some point.

 

Let me put it to you this way

 

You will never catch a bus if your not standing at the bus stop..

 

With all due respect to Caliguy, I'm with you on this one (this particular case), Dr.S-love.

[norajane]

Why do you want a woman back if she already broke up with you twice? what makes you think it would turn out any differently even if you did get back together again? Aren't the same problems you had in your relationship before still going to be issues again?

[dr strangelove]

Nora you are asking me about something that hasnt happened yet, or maybe where you come from is the future and you have a time machine that lets you travel back and forth. If so I have financial backers that will buy this technology from you.

 

I have a question of more importance to be pondered..

do you people in the states have something called "SESAME snaps"? they now come in a chocolate flavoured version and wow are they tasty. I bet my ex would love them

[norajane]

Nora you are asking me about something that hasnt happened yet, or maybe where you come from is the future and you have a time machine that lets you travel back and forth. If so I have financial backers that will buy this technology from you.

 

Hey, you can be as flippant as you wish. You're the one who has asked for advice, not me.

 

However, this question is not about the future, but about the present: Why do you want a woman back if she already broke up with you twice?

 

And the other questions are asking about the nature of your relationship - if you have had such issues that have caused her to leave you twice, ignoring those issues sets you up for having to deal with them at a later date if you get back together. Ignoring problems doesn't make them go away.

 

It's not time travel, it's common sense.

[dr strangelove]

Hey Nora thats a bit personal dont you think?

 

No your right its not time travel.. its OATMEAL!!

 

I can only say that I have had alot of time to reflect upon everything....

[Trialbyfire]

DS, cut the attitude. If people don't agree with you, that's life.

 

I don't know your background but I will say that if both of you haven't changed sufficiently, another go at it won't make a difference. I hope you've done enough inner analysis to realize what you needed to change within yourself and also have sufficient awareness of what you need from her.

[dr strangelove]

blah blah blah

 

talking just to talk

 

dude instead of making 4000 posts on here I have studied many posts, wow its amazing how stunned you think I am

 

You really are just blabbing on about nothing...

 

Sure I agree change is part of anything

 

but sometimes you take a journey and you end up right back at the start.

 

I have to laugh because I did not stick this post up on here looking for your approval or even advice. I dont see why I have to justify anything to you.

 

Sometimes a person is more help just listening and not commenting.

[madgun68]

When I first read your post Doc, I really couldn't tell if you wanted her back or not. I'm still not so sure if you do or not. You seem to say you want her back, but your actions don't seem that way.

 

If she opened the door, it took some courage on her part. She won't hold it open for very long while you go through the bashful routine trying to figure out what to do. (If she hasn't closed it already.)

 

I have to laugh because I did not stick this post up on here looking for your approval or even advice. I dont see why I have to justify anything to you.

Not to sound rude, but this is a public forum.. You can expect people to share their opinion on the matter. Don't take it so personally.. You know what they say about opinions.. (Yup.. includes me too.)

[datingmum]

Babe,

 

If you're still thinking about all the little things you love about her and you've been so strong on the whole no contact thing and she's suffered, then maybe it's time to feel out a tiny bit of line.

 

Make it a casual thing and just observe observe observe.

 

Because if I was her I would react in one of two ways:

 

a) I'd go crazy and show up at your house at 3am in tears

 

or if I was in a stronger mood

 

b) think you'd think I was becoming a stalker and thus stop trying to call you and also - start trying my own non contact thing.

 

So, lay a bit of bait and see if she bites. Then take it from there. But you have to know and be sure you're ice cold in your assessment of what you need. Can you make things right again? Sometimes you have to keep learning the same lessons over and over until you REALLY learn them - alternatively, you two discover something new and move forward.

 

Good luck.

[McFadden]

After what she said last time I wouldn't be the first to try to contact her, but I think she'll probably contact you again and like you said you won't catch the bus unless youre standing by the bus stop. Don't know what I think about getting information from fortune tellers or clairvoyants, has that worked at all? Pretty strange.

 

Hahaha, still lol at that sesame snaps comment.

[CaliGuy]

blah blah blah

 

talking just to talk

 

dude instead of making 4000 posts on here I have studied many posts, wow its amazing how stunned you think I am

 

You really are just blabbing on about nothing...

 

Sure I agree change is part of anything

 

but sometimes you take a journey and you end up right back at the start.

 

I have to laugh because I did not stick this post up on here looking for your approval or even advice. I dont see why I have to justify anything to you.

 

Sometimes a person is more help just listening and not commenting.

 

I'm not telling you what to do, or how to do it. I'm just giving ya my 2 cents. You can take it or leave it.

 

You can study all the post here, you can read many books, you can go to counseling or even take pyschology classes. None of that is going to make any of us experts on figuring the opposite sex out.

 

The fact remains, you two aren't together. However you got there.

 

Cheers.

 

PS: This is a forum where people ask for advice. If you don't want unsolicited advice, don't post. It's that simple.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm not telling you what to do, or how to do it. I'm just giving ya my 2 cents. You can take it or leave it.

 

You can study all the post here, you can read many books, you can go to counseling or even take pyschology classes. None of that is going to make any of us experts on figuring the opposite sex out.

 

The fact remains, you two aren't together. However you got there.

 

Cheers.

 

PS: This is a forum where people ask for advice. If you don't want unsolicited advice, don't post. It's that simple.

Well said Caliguy.

 

This is a mutual help site. Some people try to help others, to try to put something back into a site that's helped them. If a fortune teller is more suitable to your thought process, by all means, please see her again and get some hardcore advice that's more suitable to your special needs.

[polywog]

Dr.Strange,

You've had some of LS's best posting here... ones I respect, and they've said smart things, and it made you a bit defensive.

 

But rereading this thread, and reading between the lines of your somewhat opaque posts, I glean that you want to try it out again with her and are scared, reluctant, or something along those lines.

 

Just try it again. Connect with her, it seems like you want to, or you wouldn't have started this thread. But be gentle with her and yourself and the relationship. Maybe you are unclear on what you want, but make that clear to her so as not to start up on false grounds. Start it all from scratch.

 

Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. Take the plunge with your best most honest self, and with your eyes open to what she wants to bring to it, too. Why not?

 

Good luck.

[dr strangelove]

This is how I feel when I read nora jane and trialby fires comments

 

Its like one of 2 things

 

Im cinderella and they are the wicked step mom telling me I cant go to the ball

 

Or

 

Im christopher columbus I think the world is round and they think its flat and if I sail off to sunset I will fall off

 

mmm kind of more like nagging to me then supportive comments

 

They also I assume I have not taken the big picture into account.

 

Polywog I can only say that our thoughts are in tune

 

Anyways.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

This post was sponsored by SESAME snaps

 

now yummy chocolate covered!! extra flavour extra fun

[polywog]

This is how I feel when I read nora jane and trialby fires comments

 

Its like one of 2 things

 

Im cinderella and they are the wicked step mom telling me I cant go to the ball

 

Or

 

Im christopher columbus I think the world is round and they think its flat and if I sail off to sunset I will fall off

 

mmm kind of more like nagging to me then supportive comments

 

They also I assume I have not taken the big picture into account.

 

Polywog I can only say that our thoughts are in tune

 

Anyways.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

This post was sponsored by SESAME snaps

 

now yummy chocolate covered!! extra flavour extra fun

 

Well, all I can say is that they are both favorites of mine here on LS, and it's worth listening to them. They are favorites of mine because they are both smart and sympathetic, not bossy stepmoms as you have interpreted it.

 

Your posts are sort of weird, a bit indirrect. A bit hard to respond to. That's why I posted my last post. I reread, and took the time to read between the lines, as well as reading these smart women's responses.

 

So I guess I can't jump on your bandwagon of dissing two of my favorite respected posters here, but I will jump on the bandwagon of giving the relationship a chance, because that's what I see happening.

 

Good Luck to you both. Be gentle and humble and kind.

[dr strangelove]

Hey cali

I have been able to apply most of the things I have picked up here and there to real world experiences, rather then just theorizing on it.

 

And yes I am not with her

 

but I have got her back once before, and thats not the only ex I got back before either.. but I dont like to mention this stuff or boast

 

See thats the big difference

 

Mcfadden

Ya I shouldnt mention things about the Occult on here..

The reality is its something i dabble in.. I read tarot cards etc... One time I did a reading for a friend about a lady he wasnt sure about dating and now they have a house together

 

And another eading I did for a friend who was starting a restaurant here in my city and it was plagued by problems and delays

Now he has a successful critically aclaimed place

but that has nothing do with the post

 

Sesame snaps are yummy

 

DATINGMUM

 

Showing up at my place at 3 am

ya well I know she has shown up here

 

I have given her a bit of bait and no bites yet... And so I reflected upon the last episode and decided I will retrace my footsteps

I have alot to do

like

-cleaning up

-getting rid of piles of stuff

-getting in shape ugh.. I still have to go for a long ride this morning

if I can manage Ill do 100 pushups

Lol do you want to watch? just kidding

Another ex liked to watch me do pushups

and another female friend likes to make fun of me while I do them at her place

then I ask her why she doesnt do any. She just shrugs her shoulders and eats

another pringles chip

 

Which brings me to yet another thought

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pringles

 

Eating our chips is all the exercise you will ever need, honest

[dr strangelove]

Hey polywog

 

I just dont feel I need to justify or explain why I want someone back to some anonymus (sp) poster

 

And there in lies the rub, doesnt it. Im not offering up any dirt.. sorry nope wont get sucked in

 

Madgun

 

sorry I didnt get to you

Yes you get what im saying about the door, or my BUS reference.

As much as I want to write her

and I have a few times

 

I think its best to break it down like this

 

since the break up Ive dated alot (like serious numbers)

and I have met one or two

No one kind of clicked with me like her

 

Im of the age where I would like to settle down

seems to me that she is unhappy with parting of ways as me even though I have to find about it in a round about way

and if there was a possibility to reconcile im interested

 

But I havent ever let there be a possibility

 

And I dont really have to comment on the issues surrounding the break up as I am mature enough that I have taken all of that into account already and feel it can be sorted out and as well I have made improvements

 

I am surrounded by my own sisterhood collective in reallife and they have been schooling me for the last long while

And I learned alot

 

By just listening and by taking an interest.

So I havent just sat around making 4000 posts

No I went out into the world to get a bit of education since this transpired

 

Hmm I kind I cant believe I said all that...i

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[polywog]

I hear ya, really do.... and like what I hear.

 

Will you go for it, I hope? Life is just such a grey zone, there's so much learning from experience no matter your age.

 

Keep us posted.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Is this the same ex you first posted about? I looked at your threads, and back in 2005 you had already spent a year with 'ex' issues. So, you've been going around in circles with this ex for three years now, or is this a different ex?

 

If this is the same ex, maybe you two are a Pam and Tommy Lee type of couple that can't seem to live with or without each other.

[dr strangelove]

Wow lucrezia 7 more posts and you have 4000

 

wowwie

 

POST POST POST POST

(you know like chug chug chug)

 

Rolls eyes and blushes

yes same ex.. I have met other women since then but...

 

You know what your comment on Tommy lee reminds me of

this one day I was standing outside my place and sometimes these nursery school kids are walking by, you know for exercise or maybe they are from grade 1 or 2 no idea

But these kids were chanting something I was like huh

I ask the lady what are they chanting or singing or shooting

 

Oh they are doing shout at the devil by motley crue

 

uh huh...

 

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Memories and us are all you need to get you through a lonely night

[Art_Critic]

What is your deal with post count dr strangelove ?

You seem to be belittling people that post on your thread because of there post count..

 

You have over 300.. keep going and maybe you will hit 4000..Post count means nothing other than we like to help people..

 

Honestly you sound to me like someone who has put themselves in their own position.. in other words you made your own bed.. now sleep in it..

 

Until you move on and forget about the ex you will be unhappy..

How about using some of that time that you don't spend on LS and go out and find someone that can trip your trigger.. sitting there wallowing over your ex isn't working so you need to try something new..

[dr strangelove]

Please confess your undying love for me and get it over with......

 

You will never have me but, wouldnt it be great to come clean about it?

 

"hugs"