She sends out all the interest signals, then no-shows to my party...what's the deal?

[FsuBA34]

This is so weird for me, because pursuing this girl (she's only 20, and I'm 25)is making me act like a high schooler again (well that and being in law school...which is another story lol) and it's killing me. Basically there's this girl I met at a bookstore i like to go quite frequently, who happens to work there in the cafe. I thought once she was flirting with me, so i started flirting back and it just kind of grew. It got to the point of where she was writing me notes and throwing things at me while i was reading, so i figured...some pretty strong interest here, right? And it's not like she's working for tips so I can tell it's genuine. One night I walked in and she was working at the front and actually called the cafe and told them my order before I got up there...which I liked hahaha.

 

Well one night she said she was going to be at this club that i had already planned on being at, so i said i'd look for her. I never saw her, turns out she never showed. So my next plan was I was going to invite her to come out with me and my friends one night (trying to stay away from the typical dinner/date thing) the next time I saw her at the bookstore.

 

I went there a couple times, she wasn't working. Finally, I broke down and looked her up online, sent her a fake cafe order as a message and added her as a friend. After that we went a few days, traded multiple playful messages back and forth. In the middle i mentioned something about not seeing her at the club and she said "my friends suck" so I saw that as an oppotunity, i left her a message saying "well you should come out with me and my friends, i'll show you a good time." and right after that, I got her to give me her phone number.

 

I called her two days after that (this was this past Monday). I've never heard someone so excited to talk to me on the phone. Maybe it's her personality, I don't know, but when she figured out who i was she started going crazy hahaha. We talked for a little bit, and then she said she had to go, so I told her "call me back with your work schedule, i was gonna invite you to come out with me and my people either tuesday night or thursday night". So she told me she worked Wednesday night and Friday and I was like "I guess Thursday's out" and she said "no, I'll probably still go out." So I told her "you need to come out with me and my friends that night then." And she said "ok" and that was that. I said I might come in Wednesday because I have some thing about going in there on Wednesdays (light class tday) she said "yeah! definitely come in and see me"

 

So I decided I'd throw a mini-party Thursday night, and she told me online, and in person Wednesday night that she was coming. When I went in Wednesday at first it seemed really awkward because when she saw me she got all nervous and started spilling drinks and getting really frustrated. I was thinking that maybe it was a bad idea to come in. Well, where I sat it made it easy for her to come talk to me (yes I did it on purpose obviously hahah) so eventually she did, and the usual leaving me notes, throwing stuff at me continued. The weird thing was, I know she must have told people about me because at one point the guy working with her pointed at her and pointed at me and was like "uh...cut that out you two, this is a G rated store", and made it pretty obvious that he knew (I know for a fact he saw all the messages we were leaving each other back and forth, because one of us was in the middle of them). I heard him say at one point "it seems like the whole store is focused at one point in the cafe." I'm thinking "damn did she tell everyone?" So when I left she was saying "I know I come off as a ditz but I'm really not" (referring to the beginning when she was spilling drinks left and right) and the guy was telling me "she's really not, she's an amazing person" giving me all these re-assurances. Finally when I left she told me she'd be there tommorrow, I told her to call me if you need directions because I bet you'll get lost hahah.

 

So last night, we get to about 11 (I said the party would start at 8 because of her, because she said she had to be in at 8am Friday, so i figured i'd start it early, but no one got here till at least 9 anyway) and I hadn't heard from her yet, so I called her. She said she was with two of her friends, that they were going to make one stop and then she'd show up....she never did. No call, no message, nothing. Nothing today either...I checked her thing tonight and her status said she felt horrible. I thought to myself "yeah you should you didn't come to my party!" but I'm guessing that's from drinking and going to work that early. I don't understand, how can a girl who seemingly likes me so much just completely no show without as much as a call or even a message the next day when we had traded multiple messages back and forth every day since the first one? Do you think her friends just kept her from coming? I haven't contacted her since that call last night, and i'm not going to unless I see her at the store (I'm going in there on sunday). I've been so hung up over this today (and hungover from quite a party...needless to say her no-showing didn't ruin my night) so someone please help explain. My friends said not to sweat it, but it's hard not to after all the build-up.

[whichwayisup]

She's 20 years old.....There's your answer.

 

Look, just ask her out on a date one on one without your friends. Maybe she didn't feel comfy meeting ALL your friends and hanging out.

[Lady Aurora]

She's 20 years old.....There's your answer.

I waded through that whole post and thought the exact same thing.

 

FsuBA34 (doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it?) - you are overanalyzing.

 

Aura

[Green]

yeah alot of girls that age do this exact thing its not that odd

[jcster]

She's 20 and she freaked out. I think she really likes you, but if you want her to not flake out on you you're going to have to take it out of the cafeteria and into the world. That means make a date and pick her up. Having her come over to your place, when she only knows you from the bookstore, was a recipe for disaster.

[heartbreaka]

maybe she was with friends,and lost track of time.

With me, if i dont have like a history with some one, then if i dont call, then i dont call.

If ive known them for a while and really like them then ill be considerate and send a text and say sorry i cant come

Maybe thats y i dont care if someone doesnt call me or not. lol

but anyhoo, she probaly didnt know what to say without seeming harsh and she knew she would have to see u at her job