Butterfly5437 Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 My boyfriend and I have been going out for about seven months and I trust him but he still sees his ex girlfriend of six years very frequently and it hurts very much. You see they are both into archeology and he says there is nothing more to the relationship than that and hasn't been for a year before we got together and I believe him, but I also know that she would like for things to go back the way they were. They go off and stay all day at least once a week looking for artifacts. He also goes to dinner with her, "business" dinners and goes over to her house to do research like watching videos on different sites. He even goes off on trips with her overnight, which he hasn't done since we have been together and has promised he won't but it still hurts that he spends so much time with her. Should I be worried and hurt? I've told him how I feel and he knows that it bothers me but he still does it. I could maybe understand if they didn't see each other so often, but once a week is a little much, sometimes the time we have together is cut short because he has to see her. Should I make him choose between me and her? Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 Well, you are allowed to feel however you feel. Although, keep in mind, that if you ask him to choose....he's invested 7 months into a relationship with you...and 6 years with this chick. Ex's who have been close, not only were lovers but best friends...and sometimes its hard to let that kind of bond go. My ex is in my business field too, and although I'd do a Lorena Bobbit on him today...before that, I would have been cool working with him, bc we had that friendship. When you ask someone to choose, you take a great risk. You risk him getting angry that you would suggest such a thing and most importantly, you risk having to swallow your pride, if he chose her friendship over you...and trust me that will hurt worse than what you are going through now. What I would suggest, is to talk to him about this, try to understand. Take an intrest in his field, and ask if maybe you could hang out too. Talk to him about you both feeling more comfortable. The time he spends with her COULD be excessive...I can't really judge that because there isn't quite enough information. But that's why communication is so important. He needs you to come to him and talk to him about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 It doesn't sound very good to me. Yes, do have a talk with him. I think you have a lot to be concerned about, no matter what he says. Two people who were together for six years in a relationship spending that kind of time together sounds more than just a casual professional relationship. Why don't you go along on some of the trips? Ask him if you can go...if he says no, tell him where to go! Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted January 21, 2003 Share Posted January 21, 2003 I can understand how you feel, I'd be concerned as well. Funny thing....if they get along so damn well and spend so much time together, then why did they ever break up? I agree with Tony...you should ask him if you can accompany them, on some of these day trips (take some interest in HIS interests!), these video-watching sessions, etc. Make it come across as you wanting to learn more about his interests/what matters to him, etc...versus looking like you want to be "around" to keep an eye on them. If he has a problem with including you, then I'd say there's something up and you should dump his ass. Just curious, has he EVER tried to include you in any of his time with her? Ever invited you along? You'd *think* that he'd want to expose you to things that are important to him, hey? Link to post Share on other sites
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