Happy OW with no particular question..?

[Impudent Oyster]

We are two people who met and at first thought it was going to be easy, and rapidly found out it really wasn't... there IS NO easy, obvious, evident, right, direction a situation like this can go in. We're doing it our way, and just now no one is suffering. .

 

I wouldn't be too sure of that. You really don't mind covering his lies, being put on the back burner, spending weekends and holidays alone, not being able to introduce him to your friends and family, knowing he's in bed with his wife every night, regardless of what they may or may not be doing?

 

I can't imagine being okay with that.

[torranceshipman]

This is truly the saddest post I have ever read. So this is what truly destroyed self esteem looks like.

 

Frannie, honestly...i'm not flaming you...but this is such a sad post. He's treating you like you are nothing, he's using you and disrespecting you AND his entire family, he leaves you to go home to his W and sleep in her bed, which must hurt you to the core, and he treats you like a doormat. And you are totally accepting it. Plus...the A is only going on because you made it clear you were available to him, without any strings attached. Say you're fine with it, but you aren't...it comes across loud and clear in former posts...you'd love to have more, and this is a horrible compromise.

 

I don;t think he's treating his W any better than he treats you...and I don't think his kids are getting any decent treatment either. But you deserve so , so much better than this, as does the W and family.

 

This really is a horrible, soul destroying post. No-one should let their self esteem, dignity and pride be trampled on like this. Like I said I'm not flaming you Frannie - I'm just really sad to see things have gotten to this stage and I wish you'd just leave this selfish loser and date again, and find a great single guy who deserves you. Who cares whether you've 'accepted' the situation....regardless of that, he is still using you, 100%.

[overandout]

This is truly the saddest post I have ever read. So this is what truly destroyed self esteem looks like.

 

Frannie, honestly...i'm not flaming you...but this is such a sad post. He's treating you like you are nothing, he's using you and disrespecting you AND his entire family, he leaves you to go home to his W and sleep in her bed, which must hurt you to the core, and he treats you like a doormat. And you are totally accepting it. Plus...the A is only going on because you made it clear you were available to him, without any strings attached. Say you're fine with it, but you aren't...it comes across loud and clear in former posts...you'd love to have more, and this is a horrible compromise.

 

I don;t think he's treating his W any better than he treats you...and I don't think his kids are getting any decent treatment either. But you deserve so , so much better than this, as does the W and family.

 

This really is a horrible, soul destroying post. No-one should let their self esteem, dignity and pride be trampled on like this. Like I said I'm not flaming you Frannie - I'm just really sad to see things have gotten to this stage and I wish you'd just leave this selfish loser and date again, and find a great single guy who deserves you. Who cares whether you've 'accepted' the situation....regardless of that, he is still using you, 100%.

 

 

 

Torranceshipman,

You really have summed up the situation brilliantly in my opinion.

I suppose no one likes admitting they are being used, but sometimes it is so bloody obvious!

[dignityback]

I Have Read This Thread Several Times And What Comes Across Is:--

 

1) The Ow Is Jealous Of The Wife.

2) The Ow's Self Esteem Is Suffering

3) The Ow Is Struggling To Justify The Mm Loves Her When His Actions Say That He Doesn't

4) The Ow Has Always Justified The Affair Because Her Mm Loves His Children. Sorry But The Ow Forgot He Loves His Wife Too.

 

The Ow Is A Thrill, Some Free Accommodation And Unless And Until She Faces This Fact, Then She Is Truly Lost.

[scaredinlove]

I Have Read This Thread Several Times And What Comes Across Is:--

 

1) The Ow Is Jealous Of The Wife.

2) The Ow's Self Esteem Is Suffering

3) The Ow Is Struggling To Justify The Mm Loves Her When His Actions Say That He Doesn't

4) The Ow Has Always Justified The Affair Because Her Mm Loves His Children. Sorry But The Ow Forgot He Loves His Wife Too.

 

The Ow Is A Thrill, Some Free Accommodation And Unless And Until She Faces This Fact, Then She Is Truly Lost.

 

 

 

It is possible to love two people. Yes i know MM loves his wife and I know he loves me too.

 

The OW self esteem only suffers when the spent days a nights wondering if he ever will leave OR THINKING THE ONLY WHY HE CAN PROVE HIS REAL LOVE IS TO PACK AND LEAVE.

 

Once the oW accepts that he loves her but he cannot be with her all the time than you will be fine. I made the same choice she did and I understand it completely.

Being a OW dosen't have to be a suffering self-sacrifying journey. I would like to spend more time with my MM but he cannot. I chose to stay.The same way I would like to spend more time with my kids but I cannot because I can't stop working.

 

I am sure many MM would leave their families and stay with the OW but they feel obigated, and yes they love their wives too. Many love both the wife and the OW.

 

She decided to stay because she loves him and accept his choices. Love is not about making someone DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BETTER ,BUT ACCEPTING HIS/HER CHOICES.

 

Like Frannie I made the same choice I will be my MM"s OW as long as I can and I won't be pushing, wondering, crying. It is actually a liberation when you accept that he won't leave. It is the OW who makes the choice to stay or leave.

 

Frannie decided too stay, she is actually a very intelligent ,sensible person if you pay attetion to her reasoning ,even if don't agree with it.

 

Being the other woman can be great when it is not about the quantity of time spent together but the quality. It can actually work great.

 

In my case I feel that being with MM made my self estemm higher because e is very encoraging of anything I want to do.And he is extremelly loving:love:

 

Being a OW can be great if you have the right set of mind.

[overandout]

I don't know as I am not speaking for DB, but I think that StillHere accepts that her mm loves his wife whereas Frannie cannot/will not accept that in her situation. I would imagine he has feelings for his wife, she is the mother of his children and if things were that dire at home,and he had fallen out of love with his wife and the kids were suffering, then it is more likely he would leave.

 

Several people have taken the same line as DignityBack but have just put it in a more tactful approach--look at Torrancemans post and others.

Stillhere does not seem bitter in her post whereas Frannie does eg comment about the wedding ring etc.

I am not knocking anyone, just trying to see the difference.

StillHere seems genuinely content with her affair and I am not sure that Frannie is.

[overandout]

I meant to say Scaredinlove not Stillhere.

Apologies to all concerned!!

[shellys-trying]

I think maybe Fannie just wanted to start something. Was she feeling left out, with her wonderful MM not being with her 24/7, like a regular hubby is with his wifey ?

[shellys-trying]

It is possible to love two people. Yes i know MM loves his wife and I know he loves me too.

 

The OW self esteem only suffers when the spent days a nights wondering if he ever will leave OR THINKING THE ONLY WHY HE CAN PROVE HIS REAL LOVE IS TO PACK AND LEAVE.

 

Once the oW accepts that he loves her but he cannot be with her all the time than you will be fine. I made the same choice she did and I understand it completely.

Being a OW dosen't have to be a suffering self-sacrifying journey. I would like to spend more time with my MM but he cannot. I chose to stay.The same way I would like to spend more time with my kids but I cannot because I can't stop working.

 

I am sure many MM would leave their families and stay with the OW but they feel obigated, and yes they love their wives too. Many love both the wife and the OW.

 

She decided to stay because she loves him and accept his choices. Love is not about making someone DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BETTER ,BUT ACCEPTING HIS/HER CHOICES.

 

Like Frannie I made the same choice I will be my MM"s OW as long as I can and I won't be pushing, wondering, crying. It is actually a liberation when you accept that he won't leave. It is the OW who makes the choice to stay or leave.

 

Frannie decided too stay, she is actually a very intelligent ,sensible person if you pay attetion to her reasoning ,even if don't agree with it.

 

Being the other woman can be great when it is not about the quantity of time spent together but the quality. It can actually work great.

 

In my case I feel that being with MM made my self estemm higher because e is very encoraging of anything I want to do.And he is extremelly loving:love:

 

Being a OW can be great if you have the right set of mind.

 

What, no mind at all? No mind is a good mind? WTFEver!

[scaredinlove]

What, no mind at all? No mind is a good mind? WTFEver!

 

 

The good thing about being his OW is I know exactly where he is and what he is doing when he is not with me.

 

He is also very open about his feelings and his marriage. We have a very honest relationship. it took sometime to get here but we made it.

 

I would NEVER CHANGE PLACES WITH HIS WIFE. Does she really know where he is about or what he is doing? i don't think so!

[Havn_a_life]

you're probably about as in the dark about the MM as you seem to think the W is.

 

I wouldn't be too confident. That always blows up in one's face.

[scaredinlove]

you're probably about as in the dark about the MM as you seem to think the W is.

 

I wouldn't be too confident. That always blows up in one's face.

 

No I am not! She watchs him for me when his not at work and I check on him during the day when he is at work. He has no energy for another woman two are plenty, actually more than he can handle.

He says that btw me and his wife he will end up in a loony house. We give him quite a hard time.

[NoIDidn't]

My vote is for over confidence too. I once felt the same with a non-MM that I knew to be cheating on his GF with me. I spent so much time with him when he wasn't at work, that I actually thought he didn't have time for more than she and I.

 

I was wrong. I dumped him for good when he told me about several others. Most single guys that I know laughed at my reasoning. I figured he was too tired to see someone else. Wrong!

 

I am not saying that your MM is lying. I am just saying that unless he is glued to your hip 24/7, you don't know what he is doing or who he is doing it with.

 

Oh, the "she watches him for me" part was NOT cute. Its actually the other way around. He's not leaving her. So you are watching him for HER. LOL!

[scaredinlove]

Oh' date=' the "she watches him for me" part was NOT cute. Its actually the other way around. He's not leaving her. So you are watching him for HER. LOL![/quote']

 

 

I don't want him to leave, she can keep him. I enjoy his as it is now, I don't think I could deal with him on a daily bases....Before I wanted but now no way. I am even sorrry for her, he very stubborn and he talks in riddles. I am telling you I really love him but I COULD NOT DEAL WITH HIM ON A DAILY BASIS.We would end up killing each other....

 

 

How about we are watching him to each other!:lmao:Sorry I have to laugh...See I don't want him to leave her, so she is safe that way. And I know when he is home he cannot even go to the bathroom without her permisson. Let alone wonder out of the house by himself.

Well I guess I am totally threadjacking Fannie's post.

[NoIDidn't]

How about we are watching him to each other!:lmao:Sorry I have to laugh...

 

I was laughing when I was posting. I remember how sure I was about this guy only seeing me and her. Then I found out that there were women that were willing to accept even less than what she and I were getting. He worked evenings, she worked days (and the 3rd shift on her other job) - so he and I spent the days and late nights together. I mean, it was almost 24/7 for us. They also didn't live together, so that made it a little harder to be able to say that she "watched" him for me.

 

Let's just say that I learned a very valuable lesson about men that cheat: they don't care who's bed they sleep in, just as long as they sleep long enough to recharge to please the next lady on their list. LOL.

 

And I am not mad at him. I think it is absolutely nuts to expect fidelity from someone I already knew was cheating on someone to be with me.

[Cliche]

Hey Frannie,

I know you're being raked over the coals on this thread, but I want to thank you for opening yourself up like this. Reading this thread is very helpful to me and, I'm sure, other OW. I was especially moved by your point about maybe this fading away. That is my issue. I want the love to flourish or die slowly. I don't want to kill it. And I respect your ability to get to a place where you can be at peace until either one of those outcomes is realized.

 

Just this morning, I was starting to freak myself out about giving MM more time to leave and wondering when I will know it is time to stop believing him. And my answer came back, well, when I stop believing him, of course.

 

Your MM can't make you happy and neither can mine. But if we are happy while with our MMs, then there is something to be said for that. If we suffer while with our MMs, then I guess it tells us something else.

 

Anyway, thank you.

[scaredinlove]

.

 

And I am not mad at him. I think it is absolutely nuts to expect fidelity from someone I already knew was cheating on someone to be with me.

 

Hey NID,

 

Do you know that song "everybody plays the fool sometimes, no exeption for the rule..." So at least you are not bitter ,that is the way to be.

 

My MM had other lovers before me, the reason I know he is only with me is :

A- he usually has only one lover at a time

B- he ended up the last one as soon as his W found out.

c- we are pretty open with each other.

 

I feel the same about him like you feel about you ex.My cannot put his foot down for anything, so he won't make a decision. I either will walk away or she will kick him out. I think I eventually will walk away ,but for now I am just trying enjoy him.He is a jerk,a liar and a cheater but he has his qualities too. I love the SOB, what can I say ,:bunny:I guess I like lost causes. Who knows.....

[precious1357]

I'm totally in love with MM and I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me totally! He cannot just "up and leave". He's no bad guy or cheater, we fell in love unexpectedly. He and his wife had not made love in years, I know because SHE has told people in the area and he verified it

when I asked him. I asked him why they do not sleep together, he replied that his wife believed God did not want them to have sex any more! I believe they will be divorced soon. He has been put down throughout all the years he's been married. He loves me so much and I can really feel it! I am ashamed because I know its not right to be involved with someone else's husband. I only ask God to forgive me.

 

 

 

Well I thought rather than keep clogging up FF's thread with my responses to posts about my relationship, I'd start a thread, using the latest post. Can't keep on thread/jacking.

 

Bearing in mind that I'm not looking for any input or advice or suggestions on my relationship which yes, I'm very happy with and have no intentions whatever of changing. So, that out of the way, this is the post I was about to reply to on FF's thread:

 

 

 

I didn't say I wish things were different, I said I'd rather they were different (or words to that effect). That is where the WHOLE difference lies, I think, in how I felt and thought before, and how I think and feel now. I just don't need, don't wish, don't hope, for anything to change. And I think that being in that frame of mind really affects how you feel about life. Nothing he could do or change would make one iota of difference to my happiness. Because I found that for myself. Good place to be.

 

I've never needed to 'justify' his reasons for staying. I understand them completely, and even agree with them to be honest, and have said as much way, way, way before he didn't leave. Of course you'd have to check out my older posts to see what I've been writing here for years, but the points of view are there.

 

If you think you can ask random males for a 'male perspective' on all other males, then I think you're wallowing in generalisations. Maybe some of your friends told you that your MM was not very into you... fair enough. If you think that all men can tell you that all MM are not that into all OW, then you're listening to bull. I'm sure the truth lies somewhere inbetween.

 

Whether you see yourself as a 'loser and a bit on the side' is really down to you. Personally, I don't. You talk about exotic holiday destinations and so on like they're part of every MM's life with his W... failing to realise that not everyone's situation is like yours. And yes, some MM leave their Ws, and marry OW's... but so what..? Does that mean that yours or my situation has to match theirs to be relevant or real?

 

And yes, you surveyed your situation and realised he was not in love with you. And good for you that you got yourself out of it. Does that mean that all OW and all MM are a carbon copy of your life? Is your 'advice' to every OW that she is in your situation, it's hopeless, loveless, going nowhere and she should get out? Then forgive me, but that's worthless.

 

I was never confident that he was going to leave. Not once. I don't think there was one post I made on here, and one thought I had that didn't have doubt all over it. What makes you think otherwise? I've been posting on this site for something approaching two years now and your name isn't one I recognise, and your 'thinking' doesn't really match with anything I've posted. So can I assume it's an assumption of yours rather than based on anything you took from my history of posts..?

 

I've always doubted that he'd leave... right from about two or three months into knowing him, when he suddenly said he couldn't meet with me because he had just realised what all this meant in terms of messing with his kids' lives.

 

And you don't know me, no one here does. Neither do you know him. So how can assumptions be made about intention, need, priorities? I post very little about the day to day of our relationship... there's nothing to base assumptions on. So how could anyone know (I didn't even know) how the actual final, unequivocal 'no I'm not leaving' could affect either one of us? We didn't. I didn't.

 

So on to your next point. Your MM you are sure made love, made sure his wife knew he'd missed her, whatever. Therefore all married couples make love..? You know there's really no logic to what you say there either. Besides, what reason could you possibly have for assuring me that this 'must be' the case with my MM..? Do you spend time in his bed? In ours? No. You have no clue. The man could have erectile problems, could really not like sex, WE could never even have sex, there could be all sorts of things going on but somehow, inevitably, in your mind, he 'has to' be going home and showing his wife how much he's missed her. Right. This is the wife who doesn't even speak to him for three days at a time..?

 

And in addition... you have no clue whether I do or don't care whether he has sex with other women, his wife included. Do you know what our sex life consists of..? No. And yet you're so sure about what happens when he returns home... OK. Assumptions.

 

Onto your final paragraph.

 

I don't need to make any more moves to give him an 'incentive' to change his current situation. I think a huge factor in my feeling so good and free of worry now is that I KNOW that I gave him every single incentive to leave.. and he still didn't. End of worry, end of concern, end of doubt. He needs to be there. And if I can't accept that, then I leave. But I can. It's easy. Now.. it's very very easy, in fact, to accept that he has that priority and there's no more push or pull or indecision. No, it's not a situation I'd have gone into. The situation I went into was one of a man saying his marriage was over, and he was not happy. Everything he said was about leaving. But words are easy. Actions are not.. especially when the situation becomes real. And he realised that he could not leave. And that is the same thing I was faced with... I will NOT be in an affair! I stated... but when it came to it, it seems I would be. But only when I loved him already. Such is the way it turned out.

 

I do not consider the 'trappings of marriage' 'mutual friends' blah blah as a 'real relationship'. Again, look back on my posts if you like, but I have always said that a marriage and a relationship are two completely different things. What he and I have is a relationship. We work on it every single day of our lives. A relationship is between two people... there are no 'trappings'... there is no wider anything in fact. Though of course those things matter, they are incredibly important! But when it comes down to it the 'trappings' are not the relationship. It takes BOTH... but the heart of it is in two people dealing with each other, fulfilling each other, leaning and relying on each other, sharing things, fun, and conversations, good times and bad. The 'trappings'... they're extraneous.

 

I did not want to end that because I realised that he really needed to be where he was. And that my only choice was whether I wanted to continue to have him in my life or not. And I chose yes... we have something great I don't see the reason for ending. Yes, things could be different, but that's life.

 

The fact he would abide by NC and not break it, would let me live my life in any way I needed to, and not impose, never contact me and so on means the world to me. The fact he was prepared to let me go, because of what he believes in means the world to me too. It shows me where his priorities are, and that they're not with easy giving in to what he wants to do, even when it almost broke his heart into tiny pieces. But the fact he's happy as anything to see me, and makes every moment we spend together special, and works, really works on what we do have... well that's just fantastic to me, and a happy situation for me to be in.

 

Why would I want anything more..? It was never, ever, going to be an easy situation. We met and he was married with two children. How could that ever have turned out 'well'... or perfect..? The answer is, it can't. There is no perfect, obvious answer. We are two people who met and at first thought it was going to be easy, and rapidly found out it really wasn't... there IS NO easy, obvious, evident, right, direction a situation like this can go in. We're doing it our way, and just now no one is suffering. So, I think we have some things right.

 

But.

 

I've opened this thread now because I'm willing to debate stuff on this topic. NOT because I want to change where I am, I'm not unhappy, I'm not needing advice, and I certainly don't need any 'tough love'. I'm 44 years old, he's 45 and neither of us need teaching how to live. But since people keep commenting on my situation in other people's threads I thought it only fair the debate or whatever it is got brought to a single space where I don't feel like I'm threadjacking every time I post.

 

So there you go.

[frannie]

Hi Frannie,

I ask because I still think that you want your mm to leave his marriage.

Your earlier post on another thread suggests you are not happy.

Please don't pretend that you do not think about what you mm is up to right now at home and how you wished he was with you.

I would, if I loved him as you clearly do. He is sleeping with another woman and if that doesn't trouble you then I doubt you are as involved as you say you are. It used to irritate and grate on me although I tried not to dwell on it.

 

He told you months ago that he wasn't leaving his marriage and was assuming that you would end the affair. He has already made his choice.

He is staying married and you will have a secret life with him.

You are destined to be with him on a part time basis for a long time.

I doubt you are actively looking for a single man, although obviously I don't know.

You and your friend do not have a full on relationship with your OP so in a way you are both throwing your lives away as you both wish things were different.

 

So I want him to leave his marriage and I'm not happy... guesses, guesses... and you have no more idea where I am mentally than you have of my MM's W's identity (what was that about, btw?)

 

I know what my MM is up to right now... he's in bed, asleep, next to his W. And no, it doesn't bother me in the slightest whatever. And you can believe that or not but it's the truth. I couldn't care less what he does at the weekend when he's with them... because I know how he feels about all three people in that house. Actually I think it's pretty sad for him, and for her, but whether or not they work it out isn't my business. In all honesty I think it would be better for everyone if they would. I just don't really understand why they don't.

 

Yeah I do love him, but no it doesn't bother me where he is. Does that make me realistic, not a jealous person, certain of his feelings, or what..? You and I obviously aren't at all alike, because I don't spend any time at all wondering what they're doing. Mostly because I know... what was your MM's life like, and what was his relationship with his W like..? Perhaps they're just different to mine..?

 

Yes, he told me months ago he couldn't leave now. And of course he was assuming I would end the affair: that's what I'd said to him, because that is what I believed. But when it came to it, I just couldn't go through with the hassle of ending it, NC, withdrawing from it, and I thought it would be far better for me to stay involved, and see how it went. He agreed to do that. I will be happy whether we end or whether we go on to be married, again, you can believe it or not, but that's how it is. Perhaps what I predicted has happened: I really don't mind either way what the outcome of this is. But I didn't have to go through painful and time- and energy-consuming NC in order to do it. most affairs end because the OW just got bored or couldn't do it any longer, and so may this.

 

Currently he's talking more of the future, leaving, and how everything will be fine than I am. Personally I think that it's somewhat tarnished to say the least, but if he wants to leave, and does, then I'll almost certainly always consider him a future partner. What he does is up to him as regards leaving, but I don't want him to leave 'for me' because the guilt and pressure I'd feel is something I don't want to live with. If he leaves and comes to find me after that, then I'll see how it goes. That's certainly what he wants to do.

 

And no, I'm not actively looking for a single man. But if a man I think I could have a future with came into my life then I'd follow that avenue without a minute's pause. But I'm quite a fussy individual as far as relationships go, and 'a single guy' TM isn't necessarily anything I'd go for. I would never have got involved with this MM had I not thought he was a good match for me.

 

Basically, this is where I stand more or less, in response to your comments. Most of all I think it's fair to say that you're completely off track regarding how my MM feels about me and the future... way off.

[scaredinlove]

A relationship with a MM is like any other R , it may work or not. Him leaving the wife id not a sure bet that the R with the OW will work, so way go thru so much drama for something that may happened or not???

 

Frannie I am right there with you. I don't want to be the cause my MM divorce either. If he lives that is up to him.

 

Like you I am a "single guy" and if MM leaves them we will see, but for now things are what they are , and it won't last forever, nothing does. What the end will be no one knows.

 

I agree with you when you said you want to go thru the NC ,withdrawn and all that...Why should one put himself thru that????

 

What will be will be!

 

i am sure if it is meant to be things will work that way.

 

Hugs for you and I understand your choices because they are the same ones I made.

[frannie]

Thanks SIL. Yes, I already put myself through two episodes of NC, and it just consumes too much of my energy, it's traumatic, and awful and completely unnecessary the way I look at things.

 

I said back earlier this year, if it's going to end, it will end naturally, because it's meant to, and with closure for everyone... basically, it will end because it's unworkable in one way or another. I'd rather end it because I'm sick and tired of it or see it going nowhere than in the full flush of love and hope and having to break it off to 'save me further hurt' (what NC is meant to achieve)...

 

I agree, that further hurt is best avoided, which is why I'm avoiding ending it, or NC. But at the same time, I'm not about to walk away from the affair now that he's doing all the running and he's the one with the positive view of the future. I'm just not convinced it will happen...

[frannie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by overandout

I think the bitterness is with you.

Not nice being rejected by someone that wants you when it is convenient.

Aaah the children--now why do I keep forgetting them.

 

I tell you what. Let all the OW push their mm into a corner and issue ultimatums; let 99.9% (say they are staying in their marriage and then all those rejected OW can suddenly become happy OW just like you.

They would all be happy having a part of their mm and not mind at all that they will always share him.

Sounds plausible NOT:o

 

Hmm I don't know OAO... I'd say a surer sign of bitterness or issues was someone posting day after day trying to convince others that their lives are as bad as theirs are, their circumstances as dire as theirs were, in the face of the evidence and personal statements. But each to their own definitions.

 

As a matter of record, I didn't push my MM into any ultimatum. If you have the time (possibly you do) you could go back and look at the thread WBASmethwick posted, what he said, and what he was looking for. Ditto my posts of around the same time and earlier. No one was issuing any ultimatums, we were looking for input. Honestly trying to pick our way through a circumstance that neither of us wanted.

 

Neither are either of us content with it now. But it is what it is, and we're happy with each other. If you can't bear that, that's your problem really. But all you're really doing is posting on thread after thread, trying to convince me that my relationship is something I'm unhappy with. Not only is it pointless, but it's disruptive to the forum. If you have something to say to me about my relationship, it would probably be best you posted it on my thread, where people are free to debate it to perpetuity.

[frannie]

Originally Posted by frannie

I know he isn't tucked up in bed with her because he's emailing me. Unless they have some very odd sleeping arrangements I haven't considered, I'd say that was fairly conclusive.

 

It's ME who isn't sleeping with HIM. Do get your facts straight. I bought it up because, as you're well aware, it was in a thread in which we were discussing whether affairs were all about sex. And someone said, try not having sex with him for a while and let's see how long it lasts. As I said, I'm not having sex with him and hey, it's lasting. You know that as well as I do, but hey, if it suits your agenda to pretend you've forgotten I'm sure you'll find someone here who will believe you.

 

If there was no doubt in my mind about men and whether they lie I'd count myself pretty naive. But actually I'm a realist. So yes, of course people lie. Hey I bet you've told a few in your time even. Not that I can remember any offhand... oh, I won't bring them up again in case you blush

 

Yes, certainly I'm having a relationship with a man who is doing and contemplating things I wouldn't do myself (cheating, and divorcing), but you know, I can accept those things about him... he's a human being after all, not the perfectionist I beat myself up to be.

 

The thing is, OAO... you come across as someone who is far, far too keen to break something up between him and I... you're sure that I'd run a mile if confronted with certain things, if he were reading here, if she found out. And actually, whatever you say really reveals so much about YOU, and is so untrue of him and I, that I am just left shrugging my shoulders.

 

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if he read anything you post here, or I post here. I'm absolutely sure of his feelings for me. I just don't think you get it at all. In fact, I know you don't. But I'm sure you'll carry on trying to spook me. Your comments make no sense to me, and have no impact. One day you'll realise that... maybe...

The not sleeping thing with you for 3 months shows that he's not just after one thing right:p

I think I did say earlier that it's no skin off his nose to wait a bit until things get back to normal and as I have absolutely no idea why, then its kind of meaningless to comment, don't you think?

See, you can't have it all ways; generalise about something and then wonder why it hasn't been commented on. AND no I don't want to know...

[OWoman]

Her mm is only a part time weekend dad anyway so what would he be giving up to be with Frannie full time

 

... and a part-time weekend husband. Why you attach more weight to his "feelings for his wife" than his feelings for his kids in this situation I don't understand - he spends as much time with either, and far more with Frannie.

[GreenEyedLady]

Why is it that as soon as someone says they're happy, all the people who claim they have "seen" the light suddenly appear and try their best to rip another person to shreds?

 

Truly happy people do not see the value in putting others down in order to make themselves feel better...those are bitter, jealous people...

 

All the blanket generalizations are just that-blanket generalizations...The truth is found in the R, between the two partners...Not from strangers with nothing better to do...

 

Perhaps we should all consider our motives...Are we here to help or hurt?