its nearly a year... dont know

[northerngirl82]

hi all, this is my first post on here but been reading the posts for a while. Cut long storey short. move to new area for job,meet bloke from work and get on very well. He is married with one child. I know this from the start but kid myself it is bit of fun and things will be ok... big big mistake.

 

I finish it after very intense four months, not long i know. But feel upset but also like bit weight off my shoulders. We remain in contact and do the mates thing.. over the last year we have had few periods of no contact, made by me saying loved him too much. I still feell worse when iam not in contact and when i am in contact. I text him and dont get replys alot of the time and if i do they take i while to come

 

 

spoke to him last week about poss going for drink as not seen him for 8 months. He said he couldnt as he couldnt have anything to tempt him again. I said i wasnt going to jump on him and he said was talking about his issues , not mine and just being mates wasnt that simple.. He said he didnt want to **** his head up.

 

 

shall i text him and ask him if he wants to be mates. One part of my confident self respect pride side of my brain tells me to never contact him agen and forget the idiot. BUT this is a big but this is the first time i have been in love and i still think about him everyday and would be with him if he left his wife. I know a big part of this is my lack of confidence and my belief that i wont meet anyone better. This is silly as i have lots of mates who tell me different and keep telling me i cant be mates with this guy. I am not daft but i cant let it drop and its like iam wanting to hurt myself.

 

Also on anti- deps and councilling but recently decreased both after getting on mission to do half marathon and loose 2 stone. BUT all my old feelings have been stirred up as i know the bloke will be working very near to where i live next week. Shall i ask to meet again? contact him? or just forget it and know i can do better? any adivce except i told you so would be appreciated. thanxs