A question for men/women in their late forties/ fifties

[marlena]

Those of you who are without a life partner, do you ever feel desperate for love and companionship? Someone to share the dwindling years of your life with? Do you think people in our situation should settle for less? Be more realistic about our expectations of a partner out of the fear of ageing alone?

[Lizzie60]

Those of you who are without a life partner, do you ever feel desperate for love and companionship? Someone to share the dwindling years of your life with? Do you think people in our situation should settle for less? Be more realistic about our expectations of a partner out of the fear of ageing alone?

 

Those of you who are without a life partner, do you ever feel desperate for love and companionship?

 

For a life partner, not at all... in fact, it's quite the opposite, I love my single life too much. Whenever someone comes over, if they stay overnight (which is rare) I can't wait for them to leave, even if I like them very much. I have many lovers for the sexual part... many friends to share my life in general (except my sexual life).... my daughter who is my 'treasure'. I can't ask for anything more for the moment.

 

Someone to share the dwindling years of your life with? No, I have friends for that.

 

Do you think people in our situation should settle for less? NO...never settle for less. Better be single than miserable with someone. Who is the most important person in your life? YOU...so you deserve the best (in everything).

 

Be more realistic about our expectations of a partner out of the fear of ageing alone? It's not because we age that there is an urgency to find a partner at every cost... never settle for nothing but the best. There is no guarantee that you will not age alone, even if you find a loving partner... what if he dies before you, there is no guarantee.

[marlena]

Lizzie.

Thanks so much for your repsonse!! In many ways, it echoes a lot of my feelings and thoughts. Yes, I, too, most of the time feel the same as you. Still, there are certain low moments when I feel the dull,persistent ache of being/ living alone without a man too much to bear. And the need to fall asleep in the arms of someone I love is overbearing.

 

Yes, I too am set in my ways of independency, and even when I had lovers, yes, I did want them to leave as soon as possible. Perhaps because they were just lovers and not lifelong companions! But like oyu said there are no guarantees and who is to tell that if I weren't divorced I'd be a widow now!!!

 

 

Yes, my daughter is my treasure. She has always been my sustaining power but now she is an adult and living her life (as it shoulkd be) in another country with her boyfriend. I miss her so!

 

I too have a wide spectrum of close and very supporting friends and they all seem to feel the way you do!

 

I don't know!! Maybe it's my yearning to recapture the things of my youth or simply my "big change" reeking havoc on my brain and emotions.

[justagirliegirl]

I agree with Lizzie 100%. Besides 40s and 50s are far from dead!

 

I find the older I get less tolerance I have for nonsense from a man. Relationships can be a huge burden.

 

There are no guarantees on who is going to die first or who gets sick and needs constant care.

 

Plus finding an older man who doesn't have health problems from years of an indulgent lifestyle and who also is sane is difficult.

[alphamale]

A question for men/women in their late forties/ fifties

can i answer even though i'm only 42?

[polywog]

hi Marlena,

 

I understand how you feel. I'm in that age bracket and have recently become single after being with someone I thought was "it" forever. I have some fleeting thoughts like yours, but I just can't buy into that myth that women (or men) in their late 40s, 50s and beyond have to resign themselves to being single or settling for less. I remember that back when I turned 30 I knew all these desperate women my age who were freaked out that they weren't married. I was not one of them, because I didn't care about that. And within a year of turning 30, I met the man I married (didn't last, but what the hey... it happened and was good for a long time).

 

I am not going to be ready for a serious relationship for a while, because I need to heal and finish being in love with my ex. But I have faith that when I'm ready, I will probably end up in a very serious and fulfilling relationship because I have so much to give, and know more of what I want than I ever did in my life. For the first time, I think, I am really able.

 

As for "settling", I am not even sure what that means. I don't really have a preconcieved notion, other than a partner who is open and kind and loving, as to what I want (OK...but I must admit healthy and fit are still part of my standards, because I keep myself up:cool:). My last LTR taught me that lesson. If I'd written a singles ad, he'd never have qualified. But yet when I met him I was open, and not really looking for love.... it just happened. It didn't last forever, but it was great for me in that I realized how open I am to all sorts of men, and it was a wonderful relationship for several years.

 

I guess my point is that aging, rather than being a crappy thing, is actually a liberating thing. We are higher up the mountain and have a bigger view of what is possible, if we are open to seeing it. We have the great opportunity to meet single men around our age who have also lived and learned.... look around this forum, if you don't believe me.

 

If we hold onto old ideas from our 20s and 30s of what we want, then we are bound to be disappointed because whether we know it or, we have outgrown those standards.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[Lizzie60]

Lizzie.

Thanks so much for your repsonse!! In many ways, it echoes a lot of my feelings and thoughts. Yes, I, too, most of the time feel the same as you. Still, there are certain low moments when I feel the dull,persistent ache of being/ living alone without a man too much to bear. And the need to fall asleep in the arms of someone I love is overbearing.

 

Yes, I too am set in my ways of independency, and even when I had lovers, yes, I did want them to leave as soon as possible. Perhaps because they were just lovers and not lifelong companions! But like oyu said there are no guarantees and who is to tell that if I weren't divorced I'd be a widow now!!!

 

 

Yes, my daughter is my treasure. She has always been my sustaining power but now she is an adult and living her life (as it shoulkd be) in another country with her boyfriend. I miss her so!

 

I too have a wide spectrum of close and very supporting friends and they all seem to feel the way you do!

 

I don't know!! Maybe it's my yearning to recapture the things of my youth or simply my "big change" reeking havoc on my brain and emotions.

 

I never ever get those feelings of 'loneliness'... I am a loner and just love it the way it is... when it happens to you, call a friend, go out to a nice restaurant (yes all by yourself), go see a movie, or treat yourself to retail therapy (shopping), get yourself something nice...

 

I feel for you though for your daughter...it sucks that she is so far away... I'm sure you miss her very much.... maybe that's why you get all 'down' sometimes. I know I would if my daughter would be in another country...mind you she has travelled the world and, on many occasions, she was away for months... I missed her then.

[Lizzie60]

I agree with Lizzie 100%. Besides 40s and 50s are far from dead!

 

I find the older I get less tolerance I have for nonsense from a man. Relationships can be a huge burden.

 

There are no guarantees on who is going to die first or who gets sick and needs constant care.

 

Plus finding an older man who doesn't have health problems from years of an indulgent lifestyle and who also is sane is difficult.

 

I find the older I get less tolerance I have for nonsense from a man.

 

I am like that too... LOL I don't compromise anymore, it's my way or the highway... I have no patience if the guy doesn't even 'think' like me... ewww imagine...

 

Plus finding an older man who doesn't have health problems from years of an indulgent lifestyle and who also is sane is difficult.

 

That's is sooo true... that's why I go for the much younger males...

I rather be a 'babysitter' than a 'nurse' LOL

[halfarock]

Those of you who are without a life partner, do you ever feel desperate for love and companionship? Someone to share the dwindling years of your life with? Do you think people in our situation should settle for less? Be more realistic about our expectations of a partner out of the fear of ageing alone?

I really don’t think about it because I’m mostly a loner. I don’t settle for less. The older I get, I think the pickier I get. Except for a couple of years with my children’s mother I’ve never had a life partner. I’m not sure how or if I’d adjust to one. However, I am very close friends with a few women who fulfill my companionship and emotional needs very well.

 

One of my women friends, who I often refer to as my girlfriend, is very much like me. Our loner sensibilities ensure that our time alone together is sporadic and I seem to really like it that way as our time together always seems really special – she makes me feel very happy, content.

 

For whatever reason, I’ve aged very well and at 48 it seems that more women are attracted to me than when I was in my 20’s, even with women in their 20’s. Maybe it’s just that I’ve gotten better at interacting with women, understanding them.

 

… Plus finding an older man who doesn't have health problems from years of an indulgent lifestyle and who also is sane is difficult.

Or finding an older woman who hasn’t let herself go and isn’t burdened with emotional damage from her past relationships.

[marlena]

Yes Alphamale,

Please answer!!!!!!!!!!!! I've always loved your replies!

[alphamale]

Those of you who are without a life partner, do you ever feel desperate for love and companionship?

mmm not really...maybe I will in the future? I have a very close immediate family so that is even better than some lame romantic relationship. i don't really believe in romance anymore. I think if you have a viable substitute then you really don't need a romantic relationship at least all of the time...

 

Do you think people in our situation should settle for less? Be more realistic about our expectations of a partner out of the fear of ageing alone?

yes, you don't have any choice but to settle. people must be realistic and objective about their life and lovers. As you age your baggage gets heavier and the breasts saggier....I mean i would love to be banging some hot 23 yr old porn star when i'm 55 but it probably ain't gonna happen.

 

Please answer!!!!!!!!!!!! I've always loved your replies!

i wish everyone felt that way