My parents VS boyfriend..the saga continues

[JoL]

My stomach is churning and I have been crying my eyes out for the last 4 hours.

 

I am currently going through what has become my own personal hell. I have been with my boyfriend for about 1 1/2 years. We are pretty happy except for one thing: My family.

 

My parents disaprove because he is not the same background. They have said that they WILL NOT EVER except him or anyone else who isn't the same background as us. Now my brothers have found out (2 younger brothers) when my bf came to pick me up, They saw him in the car. My parents never wanted to meet him, but my boyfriend did drop me off and pick me up at times from our house.

 

After I left they apparantly started swearing and carrying on about how dare I do this, How I am probably a sl#t sleeping around etc etc..they rang and rang my phone and sent me messages threating my boyfriend and how I better come home right away and how "I better break it off or else". I was speechless..who's life is this anyway?!?!

 

My parents didn't like me seeing him but they didn't stop me. Now my two younger brothers who I am not even close with AT ALL, get involved and start making stupid macho threats. It is totally crazy. I am 24, not 14!!!!

 

My mum is saying she won't back me up because she doesn't approve as well. I told her that if my brothers think they can tell me what to do and interfere in my life then I am better off dead or I will just leave and never come back.

 

My mum said if you really love this guy and want to marry him, then forget about your family. We will never approve. She seems to think I am doing all of this JUST to spite her.

 

My boyfriend and I have had fights about this issue in this past as he wants "an easy life" and doesn't want to deal with all of this difficulty. He finds it all too hard and thinks I need to do more to make them accept him. I don't even know if he is cut out to go through all this fighting.

 

I know I need to think long and hard about whether he is the one, and the fighting is all worth it. But my friend made another good point- It's got nothing to do with fighting for him, I need to also fight for myself and put my foot down and tell them that I will make my own decisions and that nobody has the right to stick their nose in.

 

Unfortunately, my parents are in a community where everyone thinks like they do...so there is nobody close to them to challenge their thoughts and opinions and show them that they are narrow-minded.

 

So what do I do here? Do I move out? Do I end the relatioship? Do I just leave without a trace? Do I tranfer my job and just tell them I am going, goodbye? Do I leave my boyfriend and family behind and just disappear? I am so tempted to do the latter. Then I have peace and quiet and nobody can say I chose one over the other.

[coco_milkshake]

JoL,

 

This is your life. YOU need to decide what is best for YOU. Your brothers sound like a bunch of idiots and your parents sound very disappointing for not sticking up for you.

 

Personally, if I was in your situation I would break away from them. I know it sounds funny coming from me cos I have yet to break the hold myself, but you have a job, you have money right? Get your bf to help you look for a place and just leave. Dont tell your family where you are cos it is likely they will harass you and that is the last thing you need.

 

That is just my advice though, the rest is up to you. All the best.

[BlueEyedSarah]

I agree with your friend on this one and the above poster.

 

You need to put your foot down, tell your family you love them but you can not put up with them treating you like a 14 year old. You are a grown woman and can make your own wise choices.

 

They need to get their heads on straight and not be so judgemental on someone they have not met and given a chance yet.

 

And calling you a slut? That is beyond anything I have heard parents call their own children, don't they know you well enough to make good decissions?

 

You have a job and money, I suggest you move out. Its up to them to realsie their silly childish attitude.

[JoL]

It was my brothers that called me THAT word not my parents.

Not that it makes a difference.

 

I can't believe I am actually living a life like this. I sometime entertain thoughts of just packing up and leaving. It occupies my thoughts a lot.

 

The sad thing is, I don't think my boyfriend realy understands how hard this is for me. I told him last night that we best not see eachother in person for a while (not breaking up, but until my idiot brothers stop their stupid threats). My bf then rings me up today all chipper and happy....while i spent the night tossing and turning and not being able to sleep a wink. Doesn't he realise I am going through hell???

 

I don't think anyone understands, I now understand what a cagged animal feels like.

[JoL]

Something so very strange has just happened....as I was sitting at my desk and worrying and churning away, I just spoke with a manager who rang to ask if I am interested in a 6 month transfer to an interstate location!

 

I am so shocked. Is this the universe giving me a sign?

 

I can't believe the timing...

 

What does this all mean? I will get to escape the hell-hole that has become my life? Or is this running away? What do I do?? Do I run and just grab it with both hands???

[coco_milkshake]

Grab it with both hands!!! Go for it!! This is the opportunity you so badly needed, dont let it go. Good luck.

[JoL]

I have decided that if this job is offered to me (I will find out for sure in a couple of days) then I am definately going..I need to, for the sake my sanity and health.

 

I really hope this works out, I need this.