Was this abuse, or my own fault?

[Guest]

I had a couple of things happen in my early teens and wonder if it would be called abuse. I was unfaithful to my husband soon after we were marriedand am trying to see if this had anything to do with it.

I was about 12 when a man came up to me on the pretext of asking directions. After I had responded, he told me I was pretty and then went on to make suggestive comments about my budding figure and what he would like to do. I ran away and went home, but did not tell my parents or anyone else. At around 13, I started doing some heavy petting with boys my own age. At 15 I had a flirtation with a married man in his thirties which led to some heavy petting sessions in his car. I knew his wife by sight but felt no guilt.

I did not talk to anyone about sex or relationships, and I never had steady boyfriends. In late teens and early 20’s I always seemed to be the OW with guys who were engaged or who had steady girlfriends. I am trying to figure out if these early experiences were formative. Also, since I did not talk to friends, what age is considered “normal” in western society for the type of activity I engaged in at the age of 13, TMI but needed, touching breasts, hands in undies. I never felt boys up or did anything to their genitals until about 19, then it was hand job.

I feel I was a willing participant, but I am trying to figure out why I was so sexually precocious and why I had no concience.

[Mr. Lucky]

Why do you think there would be a connection between your experiences and cheating on your husband?

 

Mr. Lucky

[silktricks]

People always want to look outside of themselves for why they did or do things they are ashamed of. In our society, it's not only acceptable, but it's encouraged especially for women to consider themselves as victims. If you've made some bad choices in your life, then you've made some bad choices. Learn from them and move on. Don't try to find excuses for bad behavior by playing the victim card. That prevents you from learning the lessons that life has in store for you.

 

By the way, what you've said doesn't sound like abuse to me, it sounds like a teenage girl whose got a pretty strong sexual identity and a poorly formed moral one - there's nothing strange about that, nor anything wrong with you. You just need to learn your life lessons and not repeat the bad behavior.