I'm really confused. Can someone please shed some light?

[Grace]

Back in May 2002, I met a 35 yr old cop who walks around in my area. We started talking and I found out he's been in a relationship w/ a girl for the past 3-1/2 years. She's his sargeant's sister. Because he has a gf, I've never gotten physically or romantically involved w/ him.

 

Anyway, as the months have gone on, we've become pretty good friends. While he's walking his beat during the week, he stops by my house (2 - 3 times a week) and we hang out and chat. I live with my brother, and the cop will even sit around and chat with him or any of my friends when they're over. Sometimes he'll stop by after his shift and play board games w/ us. Everyone really likes him. All my friends (and even my brother) were starting to think that he really liked me as more than just friends and said it was so obvious. I never thought that though. I had definitely known that my feeling were growing for him and all I knew was that he had a gf and he was off-limits.

 

Well the visiting has been going on for a few months now. He stopped by on my b-day to wish me a happy b-day and even spent New Years Eve at my house (and brought 2 bottles of my favorite wine). I thought it was strange that he'd rather hang out w/ me on New Years eve, than his gf.

 

Finally on New Year's Eve, I confronted him w/ his feelings. He said he really liked me alot and wanted to ask me on an official date, but knew I wouldn't date him while he had a gf. I said, no I wouldn't. He told me how unhappy he was in his relationship and never realized it until he met me back in May. He even said he remembered meeting me back 5 yrs ago when he was still single and he didn't know how to approach me. I didn't remember meeting him at all. He said, all he and his gf did was fight and he slept 90% of the time on the couch when she would stay over his house. He said he loved her, but wasn't in love w/ her and he knew that now. He said to give him 2 - 3 weeks to sort things out and he wanted to ask me on a date. That night my friend also told him that we were going away to a cabin in the mountains and he was welcome to come. He said he would if he were single by that point and that he really wanted to go. He said he needed a vacation and to get away from things and he wanted to spend some time w/ me.

 

2 weeks passed and a week before we were going away, he showed up at my house on a Sunday to tell me he broke it off w/ her. I said, "you'll probably get back w/ her and go back and forth for a while." He said, "why would I get back w/ her. It would be pointless. I'm not in love w/ her, I'm miserable w/ her, I can't see her as the mother to my children, I can't see her as my wife. I do care for her, she's really sweet, but I really don't want to be w/ her." He also said he was going to go away with me the following weekend. He stayed overnight and we fooled around a bit, but didn't have sex. I wasn't ready and felt he wasn't, though he said he was...yeah right. Afterwards, we both felt awkward and he was distant to me. I didn't have sex w/ him so I didn't understand. He did end up warming up a bit more, but left fairly early in the morning, leaving his cell phone at my house accidentally. Later that night, he came by to pick it up and only stayed for 5 min...which was odd. He acted really distant and acted uncomfortably. My brother said to him, you're still coming this w/e right. He said, "yeah, i think so." I haven't heard from him since. He didn't end up going w/ us, he never even told me he couldn't go. It really hurt my feelings. I was also surprised, cause he seemed to be a man of his word, all the way up to this past weekend. My brother was even confused and shocked by his behavior of just blowing me off. I've left him totally alone and I understand he must be going through stuff w/ his ex. I also know she's probably calling him constantly and he's feeling guilty, but he just blew me off and I thought he really liked me.

 

Can anyone help me shed some light on what they think might be going on? I'm confused. Does it sound like he just lost interest in me all of a sudden or that he's decided that he loves his gf again and made a mistake w/ me?

[Ally Boo]

He's been involved with this lady for a while, and it's going to be weird getting it all settled. Just give him a few weeks, and wait for him to come to you. You don't really have anything to lose, so just chill.

[quankanne]

sounds like he's being very wary of jumping into another relationship so quickly after getting out of the one with his girlfriend, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. If you guys got a long as friends while he was with the other girl, I don't think he's going to back track and suddenly decide he dislikes you, at least that's my impression after reading your post. You're pretty mature to give him his space, to not get involved even though you're definitely interested in him, and I commend you for making those kinds of decisions.

 

Chances are, things are just a little weird in his head right after breaking up with someone, and he's just trying to figure things out. Like I said, if he felt comfortable with you as a friend to begin with, it's a good solid basis for something deeper once he gets past this hurdle. I guess the question really is, are you willing to wait for him to get through this stage, even if it takes a bit of time? He sounds like a good guy, just trying to get his bearings right now.