Is this **MIXED** up or What??

[Jim]

Hi,

 

I posted a few times on this list.. I`ve just broken up with a girl who I was with for 5 years (I`m 24), and due to get married in 6 months...

 

I met this girl at work, shes 23, very attractive and a really good friend.. We get on soo well, but she has a kid and is going out with a guy.. We go to clubs together (theres usually about 6 from work), and we always leave at 1am.. We talk over to a university and sit for 2 hours talking and laughing.. We've never kissed (etc..) and are just really close good friends, but sometimes I feel that I want to.. and I don`t know what will happen if I do, or if she does..

 

Shes told me (in a drunken state :-) if she got half the chance she would jump at me (which did my confidence so end of good :-)

 

But... I feel so 'messed' up after comming out of a 5 year relationship, I don`t want to get into more trouble and hot water.. Alot of other girls at clubs have been interested in me.. so should I..

 

a) Forget about my close friend, and just be friends?

 

b) Go out with a girl from a club/pub

 

c) Stay single for a while, and get my head sorted?

 

d) Implode, and start eating myself ? :-)

 

Thanks people.. for getting this far !

 

Jim

[Sean]

Hi, I posted a few times on this list.. I`ve just broken up with a girl who I was with for 5 years (I`m 24), and due to get married in 6 months... I met this girl at work, shes 23, very attractive and a really good friend.. We get on soo well, but she has a kid and is going out with a guy.. We go to clubs together (theres usually about 6 from work), and we always leave at 1am.. We talk over to a university and sit for 2 hours talking and laughing.. We've never kissed (etc..) and are just really close good friends, but sometimes I feel that I want to.. and I don`t know what will happen if I do, or if she does.. Shes told me (in a drunken state :-) if she got half the chance she would jump at me (which did my confidence so end of good :-) But... I feel so 'messed' up after comming out of a 5 year relationship, I don`t want to get into more trouble and hot water.. Alot of other girls at clubs have been interested in me.. so should I.. a) Forget about my close friend, and just be friends? b) Go out with a girl from a club/pub c) Stay single for a while, and get my head sorted? d) Implode, and start eating myself ? :-)

 

Thanks people.. for getting this far ! Jim

Hi there Jim -- All I can say my friend is that I went through the same exact thing when I broke up with my ex of 5 years -- and that was 3 years ago. I think it's important to set up certain goals with what you want to achieve by "being single" now. I know that I left my 5-year situation for two reasons -- first, I wanted to spend some time and get to know myself since we met very young (at 17 -- I'm 26 now), and secondly I just didn't think she was "the one" (for whatever reason). So I ended up staying single for a few years and while I did date some people did not get serious. I am just starting to get serious with someone now and have to say that taking the time to get to know myself has made me free to pursue the relationship with this new person on a "clean slate" (in other words, I don't have the emotional baggage of that long-term relationship influencing my expectations of her). So I would go with taking the time out and make sure you're "ready" to pursue something. I learned (through dating) that I'm not really the kind of guy that enjoys casual dating so I eventually decided to just call it quits until I met someone who really seemed to have potential. But these revelations took a few years of getting over the old relationship and staying less serious with people in the meantime. However, I have to say that I dated some great people that taught me some things about myself, so just don't "jump into" anything. I know what it's like and if you ever need to talk feel free to post on here or e-mail me. Hope my experience can help your own situation.

 

-Sean