wait, what!? "isn't she worth going into a *little* debt for?"

[green-eyed beauty]

When my ex proposed on bended knee, ring in hand, I cried. It meant a lot to me. The next day, I convinced him that he deserved something in return because I wanted to reciprocate so we went out and I bought him the motorcyle he'd been drooling over. These two items symbolized what I felt was our commitment to each other.

That is so cool.

[Woggle]

Well, y'all know what I think as referenced in K-os thread. For me, an engagement ring is a necessity, based on the sentiment behind it. It's up to the guy what he wants to spend. I also feel that women should reciprocate but not from a dollar for dollar perspective, but from wanting to gift your loved one with something as a symbol of your love.

 

When my ex proposed on bended knee, ring in hand, I cried. It meant a lot to me. The next day, I convinced him that he deserved something in return because I wanted to reciprocate so we went out and I bought him the motorcyle he'd been drooling over. These two items symbolized what I felt was our commitment to each other.

 

And in the end it was all a lie because that commitment meant nothing to him. A ring does not really mean anything.

[justagirliegirl]

Well, y'all know what I think as referenced in K-os thread. For me, an engagement ring is a necessity, based on the sentiment behind it. It's up to the guy what he wants to spend. I also feel that women should reciprocate but not from a dollar for dollar perspective, but from wanting to gift your loved one with something as a symbol of your love.

 

When my ex proposed on bended knee, ring in hand, I cried. It meant a lot to me. The next day, I convinced him that he deserved something in return because I wanted to reciprocate so we went out and I bought him the motorcyle he'd been drooling over. These two items symbolized what I felt was our commitment to each other.

 

He's your ex? Was that before or after marriage? Who got the ring and the motorcycle?

[Trialbyfire]

That is so cool.

Thanks. It was...at the time...

And in the end it was all a lie because that commitment meant nothing to him. A ring does not really mean anything.

So you're saying that all men lie about commitment when they're asking a woman to marry them and giving them the ring?

He's your ex? Was that before or after marriage? Who got the ring and the motorcycle?

This was before the marriage. I have the ring and he totalled the bike.

[Diamonds&Rust]

It depends on how you look at it. Compared to how much a car is, it's not. Compared to how much you make in your entire lifetime....it's not. Compared to how much a house costs....it's not. Compared to a flat-screen plasma TV and how much some guys spend on games.....it's not.

A car, a house, and a television are all sensible purchases. Paying three thousand dollars for a gallon of milk is not a lot when compared to buying a Toyota for the same price, but that doesn't mean it makes any sense.

 

Diamonds are not rare. They are only valuable because they are controlled by a vicious cartel--which, yes, even operates in Canada. Just because the diamonds mined in Canada aren't mined by children does not mean that the diamond isn't cut by children, nor does it mean that the money you spend on it doesn't finance the same operations in Africa. Debeers is evil, period. And they have their hands on almost every diamond sold, no matter where you buy it.

 

If you measure the amount he spends as an "investment," I'll repeat myself: You aren't a good investment. Even if you mature, he won't be able to get more for you at market than he paid for the ring.

[green-eyed beauty]

Ha, ha, if a guy is thinking 'damn, I paid X amount of dollars for a ring some odd years ago' when a divorce is going on, he's a loser.

An engagement ring is a sensible purpose because it's a symbol of love and commitment. If the woman you love loves it, it is a sensible purpose. Usually the guy who buys it is proud to give it to her, and have her wear it. He loves to look at it on her finger.

People don't have 'monetary value.' That doesn't make any sense.

[Woggle]

All men don't lie but a ring in the end does not matter much at all.

[green-eyed beauty]

Of course, I wasn't saying it is what makes the marriage. It's just become a visible symbol of commitment to a woman.

[Woggle]

Since you see it as symbol of commitment if a woman has an affair or walks out for no good reason should she give the ring back since she has broken that commitment?

[Enema]

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies in advance if I'm crossing trodden ground.

 

But, let's take it a step further:

 

A man who had ethical and financial reservations about a wedding ceremony is less attractive as a husband?

 

Wow, that's disgusting.

[Trialbyfire]

Since you see it as symbol of commitment if a woman has an affair or walks out for no good reason should she give the ring back since she has broken that commitment?

I never got the bike back...and truth be told, didn't want it back.

[Woggle]

I never got the bike back...and truth be told, didn't want it back.

 

You should have and he cheated on you so he broke the commitment which means you were right for keeping the ring. I made my ex give back the ring after she cheated. We were poor when I bought it and it was a nice ring.

[Trialbyfire]

You should have and he cheated on you so he broke the commitment which means you were right for keeping the ring. I made my ex give back the ring after she cheated. We were poor when I bought it and it was a nice ring.

I would have driven it off a cliff, if I had gotten it back. Instead, he totalled it because he was angry at me for leaving him. A true reflection of who he was.

 

Good. When one party cheats, they should return the gift of love.

[Art_Critic]

Ha, ha, if a guy is thinking 'damn, I paid X amount of dollars for a ring some odd years ago' when a divorce is going on, he's a loser.

 

I'm curious.. Have you been married before ?

[Art_Critic]

A man who had ethical and financial reservations about a diamond is less attractive as a husband?

 

Wow, that's disgusting.

 

I agree with your statement.. it goes to show that the woman is/was in it for monetary reasons rather than love and commitment.

 

I think it is a different scenario for each and every couple..

To a couple that each make 6 figures then a 2-3 carat ring is no biggie..

To a couple that each make lets say 20k and have school loans and debt to pay off then a cheaper than 2-3 carats ring is right up their alley..

 

A ring that more fits their budge and lifestyle is what is really correct.

 

To put a label such as 3 times your monthly income then Theat migh make sense for some and not others..

 

If a guy makes 15k a month then he is supposed to go out and spend 45k on a ring.. I think not..

The guy should consider THEIR lifestyle...

 

Any woman that makes it a deal breaker on the size and expense of the ring isn't worth the box it would've come in and certainly will most likely see a divorce in her future..IMO..

[Citizen Erased]

I think that any woman who expects 3,000 to be spent on a ring should spend the exact same on something their new fiance wants. The moment should not be about the ring, it should be about the fact of the commitment being asked. The ring may be a symbol of that commitment, but it is not the commitment itself. I know that if my bf proposes I will be far more interested in the "omg I am getting married!" then a piece of jewelery.

 

Diamonds are unoriginal and in comparison to other gems, rather boring. I prefer sapphires anyway

[Diamonds&Rust]

People don't have 'monetary value.' That doesn't make any sense.

It's kind of what you're saying.

the moment should not be about the ring, it should be about the fact of the commitment being asked.

bravo.

 

If you need something expensive to put on your finger and look at in order to be happy, I question whether you're ready for an actual marriage.

[K-os]

It is about whether or not she bases his worth on how much he spends.

 

I agree. If she's willing to marry you whether the ring costs $5 or $5000, she loves you. That seems like a much better way to get "proof of love".

 

But anyway...as far as spending, it's all in your perspective. A 22-year old college student starting out...OK, he's not going to be able to afford as much as a 30-year old, succesful and established in his career. If I were in a relationship, he would have a similar background, meaning established and successful....so it's a different perspective. He's going to think differently about buying an engagement ring than the starving college student. Which is OK. But....I don't have any expectations, I'm not going to say "I expect you to spend X amound on a diamond, and it should be this carat weight, etc. etc." I don't even want to know what he spent, it is something I'd never ask.

 

Well this sounds much more reasonable. You and some other people on here have been coming off like spending thousands of dollars on a ring is a requirement no matter who you are and no matter what she wants. I was starting to think we had some people from DeBeers on here...

[catrocks]

Secondly, I think that many men measure their OWN worth by the size of the diamond they put on their beloved's finger.

 

In any case, it is flawlessy clear that the size matters more to him than to me.

I totally agree with you - when we got engaged I picked out loads of c-z rings I loved, with a reasonable price tag (like, $500) which I would have been totally thrilled with. It was him who decided to get a diamond because he thought it was "proper" and he wouldn't have felt like it was an engagement ring if it was a c-z. It wasn't size that mattered for him, it was quality (and yes, I love my diamond, but that's not to say I wouldn't have been happy with a c-z or even a plastic ring )

[catrocks]

If you need something expensive to put on your finger and look at in order to be happy, I question whether you're ready for an actual marriage.

 

I see what you're saying and I don't disagree with you.... if all you're worried about is the size and price of the ring.

For me, being in a long distance relationship, I like to be able to look down and see my engagement ring... it puts a smile on my face when I'm missing him the most and wishing I was there with him.

I know my ring wasn't cheap, but I never demanded that.... it was his choice to spend the amount he spent, I never said I wanted an expensive ring. And I would love it and feel the same way about him and it even if it were from a kinder egg or whatever.

The point is, it's a nice symbol, especially for me in an LDR. I don't need my ring to be happy but it does cheer me up when I'm down.... does that make me materialistic and not ready for marriage?

[green-eyed beauty]

It's kind of what you're saying.

 

bravo.

 

If you need something expensive to put on your finger and look at in order to be happy, I question whether you're ready for an actual marriage.

 

No, I wasn't saying at ALL that people have monetary value. That's ridiculous. YOU'RE the one that talked about selling a woman like property. And yes, I AM worth it. Also, no one said they would NOT be happy, it's just a traditional way of showing a woman your ultimate love and commitment to her, that being the promise of marriage. It's more "official."

[green-eyed beauty]

I'm curious.. Have you been married before ?

 

If someone's getting a divorce, I would HOPE they're not focusing on the monetary cost of a ring purchased before they were even married. In the entire scope of life, the cost of a ring...well, does it really matter in the whole scope of things, the monetary price when you're on your deathbed? If you buy a $27,000 pickup for yourself, hell, a ring for the woman you love is nothing.

I bought a $2500 treadmill in 1999. Well, I couldn't fit it into my small condo so I sold it at a yard sale for $150 two years ago because that's all I could get for it. It's just life. I'm not sitting here dwelling on it, and I really wasn't regretting it because my time with the treadmill was good while it lasted. Just like I'm not dwelling in the $21,000 Grand Prix I bought in 1995, which I had to buy 2 transmissions for, and then said to heck with this lemon, and traded for a used Ford Focus which has been running a lot better! Well...cars come and go, and so do the payments. What's it matter? That's why I don't see how buying an engagement ring of quality for the woman you love is ridiculous or superficial...at ALL.

[Woggle]

How much do you people want to bet that most of the women who walk out becauise they need to find themselves and fell out of love are the same ones that needed an expensive ring as a sign of commitment?

[K-os]

What's it matter? That's why I don't see how buying an engagement ring of quality for the woman you love is ridiculous or superficial...at ALL.

 

It certainly isn't. It only gets ridiculous when the price tag, rather than the beauty, symbolism, and thought behind the ring, becomes the focus. There's much much more to life than money. Why get hung up on it? What's it matter? (I'm not necessarily pointing this post at you green eye, as a recent post of yours sounded much more reasonable and open-minded about the money involved)

 

Sure, my budget is set around $500. That's way low for some, but it's all relative. I know for a fact that my girl is not going to care at all how much I spend. I would hope that I know her better than that by now. She'll focus more on the lovely ring in front of her, the effort put forth on my part to aquire it, how well it matches her, and above all else, the fact that I'm asking her to be my wife. And to be honest, there's a good chance I would spend double or even more if I came across what I knew was the right ring. The same would be true if the right ring happend to be less than $100. In that case I could maybe use the difference to treat us both to a couples day at a nice spa to celebrate. Again, what's it matter?

 

This argument that a man should spend several thousand because he should want to get her something "decent" is wearing thin. Any number is an arbitrary one. One person's is as good as the next. A "decent" ring can be had at all price levels. Let's take the focus off the money and back where it belongs.

[Citizen Erased]

How much do you people want to bet that most of the women who walk out becauise they need to find themselves and fell out of love are the same ones that needed an expensive ring as a sign of commitment?

 

I don't think we have the right to speculate on that matter as we can never know every person's circumstances.