Not enough sex - from a female who wants it more

[Wantingtogetitright]

Obviously there is the initial stage of bonking like rabbits and you expect that to die off and then to go in peaks and troughs due to life, work, etc etc. We settled into a fairly good routine (for want of a better word) about twice per week.

 

However for about the last 7 or 8 months the frequency has dropped off to about once or twice a month on average.

 

He is still very affectionate, we have more fun every day, he even bought me a fishing rod for my birthday with a note saying he wants us to share more things together. We have discussed marriage and kids but I stopped the conversation and said I didn't really want to talk too much about cos I want a proposal to be a surprise not as the result of a discussion

 

We cuddle when we sleep, always always kiss before falling asleep and have never refused him, and I try and initiate too. I have mentioned a couple of times that we need to have nooky more often and he says I know but by the time we get to bed we are both too tired etc. I think this is bulltish and told him so, he sounds like an old man! I have just turned 39 and he is 33 this year.

 

Is the above couple of times a month normal?

 

The other thing going on in my head and as I posted on here in the past he has a PAST! He was basically a man whore and if it moved he nailed it, he had no boundaries, friends, friends wives, work colleagues etc etc so in the back of my head there is the worry that if he was so sexual in the past what has changed now.

 

When we do get to it it is always good and we certainly know how to please each other. Thing is cos it is too long between drinks the first frink is over in one big swallow so we have to get around to a second time just so we can take sips if you know what I mean.

[vectorgirl]

I'm curious about responses - this is the exact same situation I'm in, except we're engaged. Everything else is wonderful but I'm soo tired of the lack of sex.

[Enema]

You could be in a rut sexually, have you tried spicing it up?

 

Canned response I know.

 

If you have tried to increase the frequency on your own and you're sure he's not getting sex outside the marriage... I would ask him to see a doctor as it may be a health reason.

 

There are literally hundreds of valid things that can cause it from stress, to low testosterone, to boredom, to cancer!

 

If he's physically fine, might be time to see a counsellor. Maybe he gets bored easily because he's used to his wild past and a counsellor can help you two connect again.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm curious about responses - this is the exact same situation I'm in, except we're engaged. Everything else is wonderful but I'm soo tired of the lack of sex.

Well, to both posters, it's obviously a huge red flag. It takes much effort - from both spouses - to maintain a good sexual relationship over the course of a 10, 20, 30-year marriage. There are more that fail than make it. So the fact that your partner won't even put the work in up front in the early part of your life together isn't good news. How will you feel 5 years from now when once or twice a month becomes once or twice a year ?

 

Whether the answer is physical, emotional or situational, were I in your shoes I want to know what it was before I made any further plans. Hope it works out...

 

Mr. Lucky

[lonelybird]

After marriage, husband's body should be wife's, wife's body should be husband's....get your husband more spiritually connect with you may help in the sex area

[Bobster999]

Sounds to me like he may like the excitement of different partners---forbidden fruit so to speak. Someone who will settle down with him may not excite him sexually. He may be a "variety is the spice of life" guy.

[Wantingtogetitright]

thanks to those of you that responded.

 

I have an update and it's not what any of you suggested or I even considered!

 

I raised the issue and explained my feelings, how I was concerned that his past had been so sexual and now it was not and how I worried that maybe I wasnlt enough for him etc. He had no idea I was so concerned about this and we have bothe agreed to make more of an effort to make time for more nooky, not just slip one in (no pun intended) when we are both not to tired, or our schedules match etc.

 

He explained to me that looking back he thinks the reason he had so much sex was he was looking for that "connection" which he has now learned you have to have with someone BEFORE you have sex otherwise you will never find it. Cuddling me and spending time with me is providing him the nourishment he was missing etc. as we have that "connection". If that makes sense. He sometimes deliberately has held back as he didn't want me to think our relationship was just sex, that we couldn't cuddle without it turning into sex. All crazy stuff we have in our minds hey?!!

 

Whilst not set in stone we have agreed that at least twice a week is a good goal not twice a month as had been the case. Since the talk I am happy to say frequency has gone up, he even woke up the other morning and made himself late for work!!

 

So boys and girls as with all other things in a relationship - communication is key.

[Mr. Lucky]

Whilst not set in stone we have agreed that at least twice a week is a good goal not twice a month as had been the case. Since the talk I am happy to say frequency has gone up, he even woke up the other morning and made himself late for work!!

Good news. I hope you guys can sustain your improved love life over the long run - that's the real test. Keep us posted...

 

Mr. Lucky

[wellanydaynow]

and I try and initiate too

 

There is no "try" there is ONLY do or do not!