lucky44 Posted May 29, 2007 Share Posted May 29, 2007 I travel a lot and my wife of many years thought i did'nt love her any more , because she thought i was,nt paying her any att: but that was not fully true maybe i was,nt paying as much as i used to and maybe i took her for granted i really don't know what the problem really was . but any way she met a man that payed her some att: and he touched her and kissed her she said nothin happened and i really don't know what really happened or what to beleave any more , im trying to beleave my wife and i don't think she did anything wrong she said she stoped it before anything happened am i stupid for beleaveing her , or should i suspect something else really did happen i love her with all my heart and i don't want to loose her but until i feel i got the truth in my head i really don't know whats going to happen with us im really trying to put this out of my head but its really hard to do at this time , and we have 2 wonderful children . What to do ?????????? Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted May 29, 2007 Share Posted May 29, 2007 If she told you about this, then I would think she told you because she loves you and wants to work on your marriage. Let it be a wake up call to you to sit down and have a big discussion. Ask her how this guy made her feel. Ask her what's been missing in your relationship. Then tell her (and show her) that you will do that for her. Share how you've been feeling, too. Commit to each other that you will work together. Tell her you love her and will do anything to be together. Tell her you want her to be happy. I really think that if she had wanted to have an affair, she would have kept the whole deal a secret. And then she would have continued it behind your back. It's a good sign that she is telling you about it. She wants you to do something about it. She, herself, wants to do something about it. That sounds hopeful to me. Oh, and make sure she has no further contact with the other guy. Put your foot down on this one. She is to come to you and only you for attention and comfort. That's the only way you can become stronger together. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted May 29, 2007 Share Posted May 29, 2007 I suggest using periods in your sentences first of all. Everything kind of ran together. I would suggest marriage counseling for you both ASAP, if you are both wanting to try to fix things. You said you were not really sure what the real problem was. Sounds like not much comminucation going on. Sit down with her, talk to her, really listen to her and see if you all can figure out what is missing or whats going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Hugh_950 Posted May 29, 2007 Share Posted May 29, 2007 You've already lost a lot of ground and can regain it only if you really want to and really try. First of all ... both go to counseling. Avoid any hint that she's a bad person for getting close to cheating. Stop justifying and rationalizing. It's laced in your writing - face it and stop it. "she thought i was,nt paying her any att: but that was not fully true" You slowed down on attention - which can seriously hurt a woman Take resonsibilty and correct things. "im trying to beleave my wife ... am i stupid for beleaveing her" If you focus on this, you'll divert you own attention from giving her what she needs. She'll sence that you're brooding - bad move man! As it stands, you've made her feel unloved and done some damage. Stop trying to figure out if she's been unfaithful and fill her needs. Got a libido problem? See a sex clinic - buy viagra - slow down on alcohol - do more excercize. Get romantic - like it used to be. Look man. If you don't love her, someone else will. Then you'll be another one of those loser betrayed spouses that bitterly hate the cheating bitch and nag on ond on about how he did nothing wrong. She's given you a wake up call Some women do that because if they can fix it - they'd rather stay with the H. But if you won't wake up - then she's gonna get the attention from some other source. Sack up man. Taker better care of her - if you really love her. Link to post Share on other sites
alice36 Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 look lucky i feel what your saying my other said the same thing to me , but to find out she really did cheat . i think you should look at your situation again theres no such thing as almost cheating if she said that she almost cheated then you can bet that she really did . she knows that she made a mistake and now shes trying to cover it by saying she almost cheated she did it and you know it in the back of your mind , if she did it once then she will do it again your problem is now can you trust her again , you say in your mind you can but you know you really can't anymore . probley the best thing to do is move on down the road and find someone you can trust if you can trust another again watch yourself lucky don't be a fool women will eat you up and spit you out like you are nothin , i should know im a woman myself and i did the same thingto someone remember theres no such thing as almost cheated , she is lieing to you sure as the sky is blue , unless you want it to happen again run get out Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 IF I were in your situation I would be considering "be-leavin" too. Start the process of examining your options. That includes legal options. As time goes on, I suspect you will find that your wife did a lot more than "huggin and kissin". Link to post Share on other sites
aterry35 Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 hey yall need to stop maybe she is one of a very few girls that are really true to there man , the last 2 post on this page were really bad advice , i think she is really a good woman , and the man needs to look at what hes got because she did'nt have to tell him anything at all and he would have never known , you don't know her so don't put her down because i know lucky44 and his wife and she is a really true person , and she would have never cheated shes one in a million and theres not many women out there like her so be nice Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucky44 Posted June 8, 2007 Author Share Posted June 8, 2007 well i don't know what to do anymore im still haveing bad dreames and im treating my wife really awful and thats something i don't want to do , i think im goin to ask her for a seperation for a while so that we can get ourselfs together and see whats goin on shes not doin anything wrong its just me and its not fair to her maybe that will help us out some what do yall people think it seems like the right and only thing to do please help Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 well i don't know what to do anymore im still haveing bad dreames and im treating my wife really awful and thats something i don't want to do , i think im goin to ask her for a seperation for a while so that we can get ourselfs together and see whats goin on shes not doin anything wrong its just me and its not fair to her maybe that will help us out some what do yall people think it seems like the right and only thing to do please help I think you both need to talk about this without shouting at each other and get some MC. I wouldn't say that she didn't do anything wrong. She did almost have an affair as I'm sure you know. As least she didn't actually go through with it. Does she want to work on the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 As least she didn't actually go through with it. You think she didn't do anything. What she told you may be the tip of the iceberg, could've been going on for a long time, even full blown sex, it's called damage control. Find out. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 You think she didn't do anything. What she told you may be the tip of the iceberg, could've been going on for a long time, even full blown sex, it's called damage control. Find out. Yeah that's true. I shouldn't have assumed that. Like Vader <----love your name) said, find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 Yeah that's true. I shouldn't have assumed that. Like Vader <----love your name) said, find out. Thank You, it's very intimidating! Ahem! Anyway, do find out! Link to post Share on other sites
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