What is This and Now What?

[phyrespryte]

Been having an innocent email correspondence with a guy for about a year and a half now. He lives over on the west coast, I live on the east coast. We met halfway in Chicago about three weekends ago for the first time. Ended up sharing a room and a bed.

 

I wouldn't say it was an amazing experience. There were lots of awkward silences. And I think most of the time we were exhausted. But at night, when the lights were off, we started talking like we did in the emails. More stuff happened than I should've let, but no point in stressing over that now.

 

So we went back to our regular lives. No talk about what happened or what will happen next. One day he casually mentions he had a drink with a friend who he used to have feelings for and how awkward it was since she's no longer engaged. That bothered me more than I thought it would, so I respond by asking him if he had as good a time in Chicago as I did and if he'd like to meet up again soon.

 

He gave me a neutral response saying, that a trip like that won't be practical for awhile, but yeah, one of these days.

 

Awesome.

 

The thing that's really bothering me is that he's stopped emailing everyday. It used to be consistent that I'd get an email from him Mon-Fri before 1pm. Now not so much. I don't get it. We had a pretty good friendship. Why be all vague like this? Why this weird pulling away as if we were dating? Should I be doing the same? Not respond as quickly as I used to?

[LoveLace]

It always feels awkward to meet someone for the 1st time even if you've been in touch for that long. Did you two discuss sex with each other in the emails? It could be that it was his only intention from the get go. It doesn't mean he won't hang out with you again sometime down the road; but I'm thinking he feels "safe" in the fact that your so far away from each other, so even if you've hooked up sexually he doesn't feel obligated to treat it like a relationship.

 

He told you about the meeting with his "friend" AFTER meeting you? Unfortunately it sounds like his way of letting you know that he doesn't intend to committ to you, that he still dates other people. And yes you should pull back on making contact. If he wants to talk to you or meet you again he will let you know. If not, chalk it up to a one-night affair and date people that you can actually see and date on somewhat of a regular basis.

[phyrespryte]

We've never talked about sex actually. Didn't ever flirt. I didn't even expect that there might even be an attraction there. Kind of hoped, but didn't think too hard about it.

And a year and a half seems like a long time to plot for sex...but who knows?

 

And yup, a week later after we met, he was telling me about his day and how he met up with her. He said that it was awkward meeting up with her since they had feelings for each other awhile back. He's told me about this friend before, but never once mentioned that he had feelings for her.