cameron83 Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 A short run-down: I (25 yr-old female) asked out my crush (30-yr old male) and am wondering what his response means, if anything. He is very shy and nervous around me but we've exchanged glances and compliments for several months. At the time he was my temporary supervisor so it seemed wisest not to pursue anything. Now that that circumstance is gone, I decided to ask him out for drinks (via email). He responded immediately and thanked me for the offer but explained that he lives in (insert city 4 hours away) and the company had put him in a hotel for the few months he worked there. He then said that he woul be back in town in a few weeks and that we would be able to get together then. So is there no interest there at all? Just being nice? I just want to know how to act! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 I would wait a few weeks and ask him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 He sounds a little hesitant probably because he was your immediate supervisor. Just put the ball back in his court with a response of, "No probs. Well, give me shout when you get back into town. Take care." This will take any pressure off him if he isn't interested but leaves the door open. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 A short run-down: I (25 yr-old female) asked out my crush (30-yr old male) and am wondering what his response means, if anything. He then said that he woul be back in town in a few weeks and that we would be able to get together then. So is there no interest there at all? Just being nice? I just want to know how to act! Thanks Just a wild guess, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he is going to be in town in a few weeks, and he'd like to get together with you. What is it about his response that makes you think he might have "no interest there at all?" Act like yourself. Relax. Be patient. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 He sounds a little hesitant probably because he was your immediate supervisor. Just put the ball back in his court with a response of, "No probs. Well, give me shout when you get back into town. Take care." This will take any pressure off him if he isn't interested but leaves the door open. Good luck. TBF - I didn't see your response by the time I posted my last... I'm interested - maybe this is a "how guys hear it" and "how girls hear it" kind of thing - but I'll ask the same question of you: what is it about his response that sounds "hesitant"? From my perspective, the operative part of his response is "we will be able to get together." Not even "maybe we could" or "I'll be there but I might be busy" or anything like that... Is it just my "guy" perspective? The only thing I can think of, is are you expecting that if he were more enthusiastic, he would drive the 4 hours one-way for a first-time "drinks" get together, when he's going to be back in a couple weeks anyway? The reason I'm so curious, is that - putting myself in his place - I would think that what he said was a pretty definite sign of interest, but I'm eager to hear your perspectives... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 TBF - I didn't see your response by the time I posted my last... I'm interested - maybe this is a "how guys hear it" and "how girls hear it" kind of thing - but I'll ask the same question of you: what is it about his response that sounds "hesitant"? From my perspective, the operative part of his response is "we will be able to get together." Not even "maybe we could" or "I'll be there but I might be busy" or anything like that... Is it just my "guy" perspective? The only thing I can think of, is are you expecting that if he were more enthusiastic, he would drive the 4 hours one-way for a first-time "drinks" get together, when he's going to be back in a couple weeks anyway? The reason I'm so curious, is that - putting myself in his place - I would think that what he said was a pretty definite sign of interest, but I'm eager to hear your perspectives... I guess it depends on what kind of guy he is. Some will drive up for the weekend, not to stay with you or anything but to get to know you, some won't. It depends on how interested and/or how practical he is. As a woman, I just don't believe in the hard push to men. You have to give them room to move, so they don't feel pressured or cornered. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 I guess it depends on what kind of guy he is. Some will drive up for the weekend, not to stay with you or anything but to get to know you, some won't. It depends on how interested and/or how practical he is. As a woman, I just don't believe in the hard push to men. You have to give them room to move, so they don't feel pressured or cornered. OK, I'm good with all of that. I just think that if they haven't ever gone out even once, and she suggested drinks - not even a "date" really, right - and he is going to be in town in a couple weeks and says "we'll be able to get together," I think that all points to some affirmative intent, and there's no reason to think he's "not interested" or "just being nice" or as the thread title has it, "a polite rejection", because if that were the case, he certainly would have used some other way of squirming out of it, whether graceful or not... Again, I recommend be patient. Do the drinks thing in a couple of weeks, then see how interested he is in continuing... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 Like Trimmer, I actually see it as a definite sign of interest. There's no "maybe" about it - sounds to me like when he is in town next he DOES want to get together. But maybe I'm just being my lame optimistic self. Link to post Share on other sites
Starry-eyed Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 OK, I'm good with all of that. I just think that if they haven't ever gone out even once, and she suggested drinks - not even a "date" really, right - and he is going to be in town in a couple weeks and says "we'll be able to get together," I think that all points to some affirmative intent, and there's no reason to think he's "not interested" or "just being nice" or as the thread title has it, "a polite rejection", because if that were the case, he certainly would have used some other way of squirming out of it, whether graceful or not... Again, I recommend be patient. Do the drinks thing in a couple of weeks, then see how interested he is in continuing... This is so interesting. My reaction was the same as TrialbyFire's (that he sounded hesitant), but I have a male friend whose reaction to things like that is just like yours, Trimmer. I don't know if it's a male/female thing, or a confidence thing, or just an experiential learning thing, but it's fascinating. Cameron, I'd try to find the positive in this guy's email and not see the negative (see, I'm trying to learn from my friend to do that). In a couple of weeks, you could put the ball in his court by asking him to call/email when he gets into town or would like to have a drink. I know it is hard to be patient! Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 My instinct tells me that he is not very interested. A guy that is, would definetly drive for 4 hours just for one date. At the very least, he would call or sound much more enthusiastic in his email. This is not to say he can't get very interested in the future - just at the moment interest level is low. Millions of times before, I have tried to decipher guy's texts and emails and often I found no proof in words as such of no interest or low interest. However, I could always "sense" when things are not quite right. I haven't been wrong yet. My guess is, unless you contact him, you won't hear from him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 Well, I'm really interested in the different perspectives, too. I'll also add that I'm in my mid-40's, and I'll admit that when I was in my mid-20's I might have driven 4 hours at the drop of a hat for a first get-together, so it may be an age perspective, too. And for my part, even at my current "advanced age" I, myself, would definitely show more enthusiasm if I were interested, just to make sure I was sending the right signals. However, we know from her original description that this guy is "very shy"... Anyway, it will make a good observational study. Cameron, will you promise to give us an update as things happen, or don't? Link to post Share on other sites
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