jgold03 Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 I am 18 years old. Ever since I was 12, I have felt very insecure about the way I look, mostly because I am husky, but nothing really extreme. This insecurity has lead me to be very shy around females and made me insecure also about the fact that I haven't even kissed a girl yet, and thus 6 years later I still am yet to meet someone even slightly. I have never even known of anyone who ever has liked me in the past but never said anything. There is a girl I started to become friends with in 10th grade when she started to hang out with my group of friends. She was very physically attractive and flirty, yet a down-to-earth type of personality. Our friendship gradually started to increase as high school continued. I always thought about dating her, but never really felt an extreme initiative to follow this path. During 11th grade, I had gotten a car and since we lived pretty close I offered to take her home everyday after school. We would talk alot, sometimes sitting in front of her house for an hour talking, and got very close. I also watched as she unsuccessfully dated two guys that school year. I was less into her at this time, going through both my first three attempts at asking out a girl and my first three rejections simultaneously. These three rejections hurt alot, and because I go to a special school with only 40-something students, its been very hard to meet girls. At the beginning of the 12th grade, she had gotten a car. Because I do pretty well in calculus and physics, she started to come over frequently to do homework with me. But we also didn't just do homework, it was our way of hanging out now that I didn't give take her home anymore. She started to come over every day, and we got really really close. When we didn't have homework, she would ask if she could come over anyway and watch a movie or do something. I started to completely fall for her. And she didn't help when I would be sitting at the computer on instant messenger and she would sit on my lap to read what what was being typed. I had completely fallen for her. Yet, she treated me just like a friend in other ways, confiding to me in her trouble of meeting guys and that she wished she "could just find someone nice." She also went with one of her friends and ended up "getting some play" with a guy (shes not of low character, she later told me she felt bad about it and had been pressured into it). She also said something to someone about how she "admits to being superficial and looks being important for her in a relationship." I am pretty sure she wasn't trying to give me any signals for me to not go for her, but that I just indirectly started to understand that she didn't express the same feelings as me. I started to become very beat down by it, as I have never always been insecure about my dating ability and the one girl that actually sees me for who I am and obviously likes me wouldn't even go for me. Also, my entire group of friends had serious girlfriends and I was always became the odd guy out of the group without a girlfriend. I began to get very lonely and wanted to date her even more. Seeing her began to trigger a depressed mood for me, and I began to feel really bad about myself. I started to avoid her slowly, as she was unaware of the transition I was going through. She started to notice something was wrong, and asked me about it. I decided that the best thing to do would be to tell her how I felt, and get it off my back. So I wrote her an email telling her how I felt and that I am not ready to re-emerge into our original friendship until I can cool off a bit. She called me up and told me she understood, and for me to tell her "when I am ready." It has been 2 months now, and I still avoid her. I mean I don't completely ignore her; we say a few words once in a while, but she still looks at me as though she is waiting to get her friend back. But every time I see her, I honestly can say my heart beats and I just feel real bad about myself. One of our friends we share brings up the question of when I am going to start being OK with her and I just don't answer. Sometimes I think I treat her this way unconsciously just because I think she'd realize what she's missing, but my depressed mood is also a strong factor. My question is, am I doing the right thing? My friends believe I am being selfish and taking my anger of rejection out on her as well as probably hurting her feelings, which I think I am doing. Or is it better to just do whats right for me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jgold03 Posted January 25, 2003 Author Share Posted January 25, 2003 No replies? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 25, 2003 Share Posted January 25, 2003 I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. It is impossible to get on with your life when you are pining away after a friend. If she is in your life, all you will do is think about her, when she is clearly not interested in you as anything other than a friend. It is a no win situation for you. This is why most people do not remain friends with their exes. It's just too emotionally traumatic. So, that said, get yourself some self esteem (they sell it at Nordstrom's), and start dating other girls. Go out and do fun things. Get yourself a fun and exciting life. This girl will fade into oblivion, and you will emerge with a happy and fun life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jgold03 Posted January 26, 2003 Author Share Posted January 26, 2003 any other opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 26, 2003 Share Posted January 26, 2003 I agree with Clia, that's why I have not replied. I think you have done the right and mature thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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