a missed opportunity?

[merrickswd]

This is my first time ever approaching strangers for help about romance, but if it works, oh well. I am 18, and I just graduated from high school a few days ago, and I feel like, I've missed an opportunity I'm never going to forgive myself for.

 

Its a long story and Im sure some of this information is umimportant. I moved to this high school part of the way through my junior year. I had this girl in one of my classes whom I will call Amber, and I always thought she was cool, but never did I have a real interest in her. So, all of my junior year I pretty much ignored her.

 

Now, my senior year came around, and I didnt even have a class with Amber, and to be honest, I could have cared less. I barely even remembered her. I saw her at a party and I remember thinking she looked interested in me, but I forgot. Then, one day, I saw her in the courtyard during lunch, we started talking and what do you know, we actually had alot in common. Then I got kicked out of athletics and the class I got stuck with SHE was in.

 

So obviously we talked, and I could tell she was interested in me and I in her. It seemed like we really did have alot in common, and I really felt like I could be myself around her. We liked the same music, had alot of the same opinions about things, etc. It seemed fated almost we were so compatible. I know she felt the same way because I always caught her giving me the same looks and smiles I gave her.

 

But, I didn't make my move quick enough (or perhaps I didnt even make a move at all =[ ) and she got with some other guy. Thats where the story sometimes ends, but with me it didnt. She STILL had interest in me despite being with this other guy, but I felt like it would be awkward if I tried to make my move then, so I did nothing.

 

Now, during this whole time from November to March I talk to her everyday. She rarely talks about her boyfriend, and in fact, never even refers to him by name, but instead as "her boyfriend" almost like shes embarrassed of him, despite the fact I know him. I really got to know her well, and in hindsight I understand now that I actually became quite attached to her, but not in a touchy feely way, but conversationally if that makes sense.

 

So, come March of this year, Amber comes out and tells everyone almost in announcing fashion that shes broke up with her boyfriend. It seemed like an angry end to the relationship as well, with the way she was phrasing everything. I perceived this as meaning she was again available. Now let me explain something that I perhaps should have explained earlier. I am not a good flirt at all. I get choked up very often around girls, and it seems like when Im by myself I have all the confidence I need, but around anyone else it is just gone.

 

The same occurred with Amber: I really liked (and like) her, but I could never break the barrier because I didnt know how. I always wanted to hang out with her, you know, with some friends or alone or anything, afterschool or something. But it just never happened.

 

So, the weeks passed, and finally, right before the last week of school I just went out and asked if she wanted to go out on a date. She said it would be fun. OKay, problem solved right? but the last week of your senior year is usually passed kinda busily, so we couldnt do anything. I didnt want to pester her despite wanting to go out with her so bad, so I didnt really make any move AGAIN! I feel stupid.

 

Then her phone was cut off. I have no way except myspace to contact her, and I cant even send her a msg for some stupid technical reason! I feel so frustrated. As I said, I really like her alot, and I feel like we have so much in common. what hurts even more, is the fact that i KNOW she has interest in me, but I'm not ... letting her bring it out? Because thats what it feels like. It feels like somehow IM stopping us from being together.

 

Is it too late? I asked her if she wanted graduation to be the last time we saw eachother, and she said of course not. She told me "Just be persistent." The last words I heard from her. I dont know what else to do now. I miss just being around her everyday, its like theres a hole in my life - and we were just friends.

 

Is there any hope?