Even the nice girls?

[Trialbyfire]

Unless you're dating Sybill, no one's true personality stays hidden for long. No one's.

Well, then I must have married Sybill.

 

In hindsight, if I had known about NPD, yes, the signs were there.

[alphamale]

A woman can be a nice girl one day and a castrating witch the next.

that cause women tend to be more emotionally unbalanced than men who tend to have a more even keel. its a fundamental difference between the sexes and attracts us to each other.

[serial muse]

Well, then I must have married Sybill.

 

In hindsight, if I had known about NPD, yes, the signs were there.

 

that's funny, so did i. we were married to the different personalities, apparently.

 

actually, some of my friends who knew my exH have wondered aloud whether he's a sociopath. heh.

 

see: "emotionally unbalanced, male"

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

[Touche]

Well, then I must have married Sybill.

 

In hindsight, if I had known about NPD, yes, the signs were there.

 

Cute, TBF. I know..I married a Sybill the first time around too!

 

But seriously, I was a retard. I mean ALL the damn signs were there. But some months before the wedding, he straightened out his act and was treating me well. So I thought he changed. HA! What a stupid little fool I was.

 

People don't change their fundamental true colors. Lesson learned. Oh well...

 

Love has a way of blinding us...ALL of us, men AND women. We just need to take the blinders off in order to make the right choice and not get burned.

 

I mean the signs are always there. Always. It's up to us to heed them. No one can dupe us if we don't let them.

 

And as I've stated many times, love is never enough. Never. Not enough to ignore those signs. If you ignore them, then you do so at your own peril. I don't care how much you love that person. Ignore the signs and you pay the price.

[Trialbyfire]

that's funny, so did i. we were married to the different personalities, apparently.

 

actually, some of my friends who knew my exH have wondered aloud whether he's a sociopath. heh.

 

see: "emotionally unbalanced, male"

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Monday - Ralphie, Tuesday - Abe, Wednesday - Walter in the morning and Wendall in the afternoon...

 

What's not fascinating about having a whole slew of men in one? Twelve for the price of one. :lmao:

Cute, TBF. I know..I married a Sybill the first time around too!

 

But seriously, I was a retard. I mean ALL the damn signs were there. But some months before the wedding, he straightened out his act and was treating me well. So I thought he changed. HA! What a stupid little fool I was.

 

People don't change their fundamental true colors. Lesson learned. Oh well...

 

Love has a way of blinding us...ALL of us, men AND women. We just need to take the blinders off in order to make the right choice and not get burned.

 

I mean the signs are always there. Always. It's up to us to heed them. No one can dupe us if we don't let them.

 

And as I've stated many times, love is never enough. Never. Not enough to ignore those signs. If you ignore them, then you do so at your own peril. I don't care how much you love that person. Ignore the signs and you pay the price.

How true. I completely agree that love is never enough.

[Touche]

Monday - Ralphie, Tuesday - Abe, Wednesday - Walter in the morning and Wendall in the afternoon...

 

What's not fascinating about having a whole slew of men in one? Twelve for the price of one. :lmao:

 

How true. I completely agree that love is never enough.

 

Yes, I even wrote in another post a few days ago that that was one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn as an adult. I really used to be of a mind that "love conquers all" and it really doesn't. Love is only one part of the equation. Only one part...if the other factors in that equation aren't what they're supposed to be then you have nothing. Love alone can't support a relationship.

[alphamale]

Yes, men are so balanced with an even keel that a high percentage more men are in prison cells for abuse and rape.

thats cause their women drove them insane

[Art_Critic]

Here is the post I speak of. Stargazer also is not married, but has dated and been in relationships. Was she criticized and her opinion dismissed for stating EXACTLY THE SAME POINT?

 

When you post your opinion the OP doesn't have to automatically take it..

If they disregard your opinion then just move on.. Why stir it all up ?

[sb129]

Women do not want a challenge, they don't like to chase...either at the beginning, middle, or end of a relationship. They like to be caught, and held steady. They like - dare I say it - a certain level of predictability, because to women, that's safe. Consistency is key. Add a dash of spontaneity here and there, and you'll keep her interest...but pull away from her - whether to make her chase or to return the balance - and you will certainly make her untrusting of you.

 

SG and Nicki got is right at the start of the thread.

If you are making a conscious effort to withhold affection, meaning doing it when you actually want to do the opposite, you are the one with the issues in the relationship and you just need to be open and communicative if you are feeling taken for granted, etc. It's about communication and honesty, not playing games.

 

I also agree with this.

 

Me and wonderboy both agree that exercising the theory "do unto others as you would have done unto you" is a pretty good way of having a healthy happy R. Its working for us so far.

We have had a couple of minor disagreements that have been worked out with relative ease thanks to this.

My ex is 5 yrs older than wonderboy, and the ex's communication skills are about 15 years behind wonderboys.

My ex was an emotionally unbalanced male sociopath with NPD too!

 

 

 

By the time we reach our 30's, most of us don't want that anymore. We're done with all the drama. We can appreciate a man who doesn't play games, who lets us know exactly where they stand and who shows their appreciation for us.

.

 

yup.

 

That is if these women in their 30s haven't become bitter against men after having bad boys playing them during their 20s. Women in their 20s get played by bad boys then take their anger towards men out on the good guys during their 30s.

 

I didn't have that many bad boys in my 20s, so I am not bitter. My priorites changed thats all.

 

i hate game playing, and i HATE it when guys withdraw, because that makes me panic.

I like honest open communication, and I like knowing that i can tell my BF when I am not happy about something, and we can resolve it without things getting personal. And likewise, I am happy to admit when I have been wrong about something, and will apologise accordingly.

 

I will say it again, do unto others as you would have done unto you.

If the person STILL doesn't treat you right, then you may well be with the wrong person.

[hardcase]

The blame SHOULD be on the guy in that case....for being too stupid and thinking with his di*k instead of with his brain.

 

Are you kidding me? What part of finding someone you click with and enjoy spending your time with has anything to do with thinking with his di!ck?

 

I mean hello? There ARE signs to watch for so you don't get stuck with a woman like this. But if a man chooses to ignore them, then he has only himself to blame.

 

Oh you are so right...its all my fault. I should have seen the affection, good times, love, and great sex as a sign that she was worthless.

 

Look at some of the threads on here for example...women who are insistent on a certain dollar amount for an engament ring for one (BIG red flag guys!) and those women who always start fights and give you the silent treatment, and those who get mad at you at a drop of a hat..I could go on and on.

 

Sorry....I had none of those signs...we got married..she cheated on me while we were engaged and I had absolutely no clue.

 

Why do men marry women like this and then complain when these women screw them over later?

 

Because there aren't always these signs you speak of. I had absolutely no clue. but hey, its all my fault right? My being betrayed is my fault.

 

I take it you have cheated before on someone.

 

Do y'all get it now?

 

Ya...we get that you don't know shi!t from apple butter.

[hardcase]

Nope, sorry. Wrong again. She was never nice to begin with. If you didn't see that then you were thinking with your dick.

 

Spoken like a true man hater. Woggle has at least admitted that he is somewhat of a misogynist....maybe you can admit you are a misandrist.

[alphamale]

I like apple butter

[champagne]

yea...those same good guys who are paying the mortgage and for her kids

 

Here we go with the dad shouldn't pay child support. If you have kids, don't you want your kids to be provided for their basic needs? Do you want them to have food on the table? So you're saying if a guy fathers a child, it's the woman's child because she gave birth to him? Makes a lot of sense.

Have you heard of JOINT CUSTODY, because since we're talking about trends, that is what is going on now. If a guy wants shared custody, that will be worked out with the courts. He will get visitation if he doesn't want custody (and lots of dads are happy to have his kids living fulltime with mom as they don't want to take on the responsibility, that is actually the arrangement they want anyway.) They are his kids, too. Why shouldn't he have to support them? Most times in a divorce situation, the woman is completely financially wiped out, has to start over, she is used to having her hb's income in addition to her usually smaller income. I fail to see how this is unfair. Your viewpoint just shows you have no willing to be a real man and support your OWN KIDS.

Thinking like this sickens me, because you are only thinking about it as paying HER, but you are NOT. It has NOTHING to do with the kids. Child support has to do with taking care of your kids.

[hardcase]

I like apple butter

 

LOL..well then I hope you aren't like Touche, or you might mistake if for human waste.

[serial muse]

i hate game playing, and i HATE it when guys withdraw, because that makes me panic.

I like honest open communication, and I like knowing that i can tell my BF when I am not happy about something, and we can resolve it without things getting personal. And likewise, I am happy to admit when I have been wrong about something, and will apologise accordingly.

 

I will say it again, do unto others as you would have done unto you.

If the person STILL doesn't treat you right, then you may well be with the wrong person.[/QUOTE]

 

Reposting and bolding because this gem might get lost in all the bitter back and forth...thank you sb129.

 

Honestly, people. Is it really that hard to agree that the Golden Rule pretty much covers it all???!?

[champagne]

Spoken like a true man hater. Woggle has at least admitted that he is somewhat of a misogynist....maybe you can admit you are a misandrist.

 

OK so everyone who gets cheated on is really at fault because they didn't see it coming. Doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

[alphamale]

Honestly, people. Is it really that hard to agree that the Golden Rule pretty much covers it all???!?

the golden rule doesn't apply to dating and mating....

[champagne]

i hate game playing, and i HATE it when guys withdraw, because that makes me panic.

I like honest open communication, and I like knowing that i can tell my BF when I am not happy about something, and we can resolve it without things getting personal. And likewise, I am happy to admit when I have been wrong about something, and will apologise accordingly.

 

I will say it again, do unto others as you would have done unto you.

If the person STILL doesn't treat you right, then you may well be with the wrong person.[/QUOTE]

 

Reposting and bolding because this gem might get lost in all the bitter back and forth...thank you sb129.

 

Honestly, people. Is it really that hard to agree that the Golden Rule pretty much covers it all???!?

 

I totally agree, but Krytie doesn't, and you're not allowed to state your opinion if you disagree or you're being "aggressive" and your point has nothing to do with the argument. You have to see it Krytie's way because he has the ultimate truth, if you're really honest with yourselves, women.

[serial muse]

the golden rule doesn't apply to dating and mating....

 

apparently, when both people are willing to acknowledge it, it most certainly does.

[champagne]

When you post your opinion the OP doesn't have to automatically take it..

If they disregard your opinion then just move on.. Why stir it all up ?

Because I made exactly the same point as other posters, yet he chooses me to dismiss, yet the others were respected for their answers.

[champagne]

thats cause their women drove them insane

 

We have a man here who is actually saying that women drive men to rape and abuse.

[Trialbyfire]

Because I made exactly the same point as other posters, yet he chooses me to dismiss, yet the others were respected for their answers.

Does it really matter? Why mess with so many threads and create all this negativity, for nothing? Life's too short to be so "in your face" and "must be right" for ever...single...little...thing.

[serial muse]

Hm. To move things away from the gender crap and into a new realm (whew!) where we're talking about the Golden Rule and cooperative action vs. acting for individual gain (which I think was alpha's point regarding what people will do when dating/mating ...sorry if I'm misrepresenting, alpha...)

 

Anyway...now that I think about it, it's kind of another way of looking at the Prisoners' Dilemma, the theoretical problem in which two people are faced with the choice of cooperation vs. defection/betrayal.

 

There are four options: both cooperate, both betray, one betrays while the other cooperates, and vice versa. If both cooperate, both benefit, but the odds are higher (1 in 2) that one will betray while the other cooperates. If so, the betrayer gains while the cooperater loses.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner's_dilemma

 

Relationships, of course, aren't game theory - both parties stand to gain much more if they cooperate. But perhaps it's human nature to hedge your bets, out of fear and insecurity about what the other person will do, and therein lies the conflict.

 

Still, as someone posted a while back - if you can have mutual cooperation, rare as it may be - why wouldn't you strive for it?? That's my thesis, anyway. I like sb129's Golden Rule, and I choose to cooperate until I find the person with whom it matches.

[Touche]

Are you kidding me? What part of finding someone you click with and enjoy spending your time with has anything to do with thinking with his di!ck?

 

 

 

Oh you are so right...its all my fault. I should have seen the affection, good times, love, and great sex as a sign that she was worthless.

 

 

 

Sorry....I had none of those signs...we got married..she cheated on me while we were engaged and I had absolutely no clue.

 

 

 

Because there aren't always these signs you speak of. I had absolutely no clue. but hey, its all my fault right? My being betrayed is my fault.

 

I take it you have cheated before on someone.

 

 

 

Ya...we get that you don't know shi!t from apple butter.

 

 

Nope, I don't hate men. I love men. I've always gotten along better with men than with women in fact. And nope, I've never cheated on my H of 12 years nor the ex.

 

And sorry, but again..if you were honest with yourself you would have seen the signs. But you chose to ignore them. So I stand by my statements. YOUR fault. Not your fault that someone cheated on you...see the subtle difference there? But your fault for not recognizing the signs of that person's bad character before you married them.

 

And you need to stop with the insults.

[champagne]

Then they cheat on the good guy, walk out on him, cut him off from his kids, screw him out of everything he owns and blame him for everything.

 

We're going to solve this once and for all.

1. Husbands statistically cheat more than wives. And that IS a real statistic.

2. It's called JOINT CUSTODY. This is a GROWING TREND. Men can have custody of their kids if they WANT IT. AND you need to talk to this person called your LAWYER because you work out an AGREEMENT that BOTH PARTIES AGREE with or you GO to COURT and a JUDGE (not the exwife) decides who gets the kids.

3. As far as screwing out of "everything he owns," again....that is decided with LAWYERS, and if NOT, it is decided by the COURTS. Typically, NOT always, the MAN has made MORE MONEY and has contributed more FINANCIALLY to the HOUSEHOLD. HOWEVER...the WOMAN has not contributed as much FINANCIALLY, she has STILL contributed by RAISING THE KIDS and/or TAKING CARE OF THE HOME, or worked a job which paid less salary or part time, because that is what the COUPLE decided to do. NOW....divorce HAPPENS and KIDS are OFTEN INVOLVED. Statistically, women suffer the most financially in a divorce, and yes, that is a REAL statistic. I've actually done research on this, and my parents were divorced when I was young, so I saw first-hand (guess what...because my DAD was a SERIAL CHEATER, he was a prosperous (rich) farmer and slept with the female migrant tomato pickers in his fields as well as other women around town. Not being racist, it simply is the TRUTH)...SO....the courts need to see that the KIDS are taken CARE of. Most REAL MEN want to see that their KIDS are taken CARE of. My MOM was left as a SINGLE SCHOOLTEACHER in the 1970s...with THREE KIDS. SO...SHE NEEDED SOME HELP. my DAD got visitation, he got to see his THREE KIDS Every Other Weekend, but he INITIATED giving up CUSTODY RIGHTS when I was in 4th grade because his NEW WIFE didn't like it when HIS KIDS visited. Now...my MOM was scraping by on a SCHOOL TEACHER'S salary in the 1970's with three kids....and she had a very rich EXHUSBAND who OFTEN did not PAY his $300 a month CHILD SUPPORT to her, because his NEW WIFE resented that he had to pay CHILD SUPPORT, even though $300 a MONTH was a very, VERY tiny DROP in the BUCKET and wasn't putting them out at all. However,my MOM was a STRONG woman and we got through it. Did she go to court to get the many checks of CHILD SUPPORT that my DAD missed sending all those years? NO, because she has pride and she was a strong woman, like I said and we made it through, unlike men who are divorced who can only whine and biotch about a few dollars they ahve to pay each month to TAKE CARE of their OWN KIDS which they CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSEEEE to bring into the world.