Even the nice girls?

[champagne]

:lmao: Hey, thanks for the laugh!

 

And kryt, you've never been with a man have you? They can be pretty damn demanding if you ask me. Perhaps not in the same ways, but still..pretty damn demanding. Don't fool yourself into thinkng otherwise.

 

I don't understand why you are laughing here. When you love someone, you love all parts of them, even their imperfections. hardcase sounds like quite a sensitive man to be accepting and notice a woman's internal beauty, rather than focusing on her imperfections.

[iwearpearls]

Kryt, I sort of get your point though I won't go so far as to say I want my man to be emotionally unavailable. As f***** up as it may seem, I was almost happier when I didn't know how he felt. I had to keep up the mystery, the je ne c'e quoi (I am sure I am spelling that wrong.). At any rate, I didn't realize I needed drama, the chase, something to keep the fire alive. I still love and appreciate him but there's something about the feeling your way along that makes things a lot more fun. I believe that Touche is right. I am still very much in my 20s and probably not ready to settle down yet. In a lot of ways, I am still so new at this that I still need things like mystery and excitement. I am sure as I age (God forbid though I know it is on the horizon) I will feel less of that need and will be happy without all the bells and whistles.

[Touche]

I'm so impressed with your post, IWP..plus you wear pearls and I LOVE pearls.

 

Anyway, yes. You're so self-aware to say what you did. I didn't know I was like that when I was in my 20's, really. It was only upon self-reflection, years later that I realized that. So I'm impressed with you.

 

But in your youth you're wrong about one thing..."the bells and whistles" part.

 

I've got ALL the bells and whistles, honey. No more guessing. No more drama. A man who told me 12 years ago that I'm the woman of his dreams. And I knew he was my man fairly quickly. And that hasn't changed. He said "T, we're gonna make a great team together." And I told him that I knew he was right without a shadow of a doubt.

 

And guess what, I was right! If you don't call that having all the bells and whistles, well then I just don't know.....

[Trialbyfire]

Maybe the feedback has been skewed because there aren't that many teens and twenty-something year-old women posting in this thread. The rest of us are tired of the drama and want love, consistency and stability in our relationships.

[alphamale]

Maybe the feedback has been skewed because there aren't that many teens and twenty-something year-old women posting in this thread..

and exactly what sort of "feedback" would these young and naive women with little or no experience give us?

[Trialbyfire]

and exactly what sort of "feedback" would these young and naive women with little or no experience give us?

I'll stick to the young part. The rest is malleable, depending on the individuals involved.

 

In youth, girls are still interested in the bad boy. He helps to provide the drama fix, which includes the ignoring games. If they're ignored, many don't have the life skills to break the cycle and feel they have to pursue, therefore giving men their required emotional ego stroke. A more mature woman will look at it as a withdrawal of affection, therefore, if he's not interested anymore, time to move on.

[Trialbyfire]

I should qualify my last post. If a man has emotional needs that aren't being met, he should express them, not play games. The same should hold true for women.

[alphamale]

In youth, girls are still interested in the bad boy.

where you get this baloney from TBF? Women are ALWAYS interested in bad boys no matter their age. Its just that when women want to settle down and get married and have kids its only the "nice guys" who are willing to stick around. Once she squirts out a couple of pups then she'll have affairs with bad boys or get divorced and date bad boys again.

[norajane]

So there's really no such thing as a woman in a relationship with a very nice man just sometimes feeling that it's too easy? Never? You can yell at me and call me a woman hater or whatever, but I absolutely refuse to believe that not one female has agreed. As I said, not because of my opinion, but because it just doesn't make mathematical sense.

 

Too easy?

 

We're talking about relationships between men and women. It never gets to the point where it's 'too easy', because there are always unique qualities and differences between people (not just men and women, but people), so many differences that it's impossible to ever be completely sure about someone, to be so completely in tune and in harmony that there is never a question or doubt.

 

And when you talk about the chase, the mystery, what you're talking about is uncertainty. Uncertainty that the person you're with wants you the same way you want them. And while you might know in general they want you in a marriage or long term relationship, maybe today, this week, this month, you're uncertain what they need. Maybe today, this week, this month, they need a little extra romance, a little time alone, a vacation, a shoulder to cry on, an admiring glance, flirting like you used to flirt, cuddling, f*cking like porn stars, tough love, babying, distance. And maybe tomorrow, next week, next month, it'll be you who needs something from your partner that your partner will try to provide.

 

My point is, even established and committed couples are never completely certain what is needed, what to provide, when to provide it, and how. Even if you do figure it out...people change over time, and so do their needs and wants. Some uncertainty always remains, which means it's never too easy to be together.

 

 

Having said that, there are women (and men) who really only like dating. They think they want a long term relationship and even marriage, but what they really like is the dating stage where there is so much uncertainty that they're always on their toes and relaxing into the relationship is not yet possible...that uncertainty fuels the passion. And once there is certainty, the passion fades. That's not love, though. And that's more typical of younger people who aren't ready to settle down, and older people who are players or serial daters (both male and female).

 

My 2 cents.

[Trialbyfire]

where you get this baloney from TBF? Women are ALWAYS interested in bad boys no matter their age. Its just that when women want to settle down and get married and have kids its only the "nice guys" who are willing to stick around. Once she squirts out a couple of pups then she'll have affairs with bad boys or get divorced and date bad boys again.

While there are women who are like this, the average woman isn't. Bad boys maybe fun to play with when you're young but beyond that, they're pretty useless for a long-term relationship.

[Touche]

Wow, wow, wow. NJ, and Trial...two of the women of LS who I agree with the most! (Story, you too!) Unbelievable. You women really capture what REAL women think and feel. Mature women, not girls. You women rock. And you can really write (unlike me.)

 

Certain men on here (who shall remain nameless) will never understand where we're coming from. And they couldn't get women like us to save their lives. I mean let's face it. It's the truth. They just don't have what it takes to attract quality women. So they have to aim for the lowest common denominator. It's sad, really.

 

And NJ, you really, really get it about established couples. It's so true. Nothing is ever 100% certain. And that's what keeps it exciting. It's what keeps us wooing each other. The only difference is, is that in a good solid relationship you're only uncertain maybe 1% of the time. And it's that 1% of the time that makes you both woo each other.

 

In a dysfunctional relationship, you might feel uncertain 50% or more of the time. Who the hell wants THAT? Too much work.

[alphamale]

While there are women who are like this, the average woman isn't. Bad boys maybe fun to play with when you're young but beyond that, they're pretty useless for a long-term relationship.

I disagree totally. Women of all ages are wishing the attractive bad boy will whisk her away and ravish her sexually and then she will tame him with her love and understanding and good food.

 

This dream has been drilled into womens heads since they were 4 years old.

[Trialbyfire]

I disagree totally. Women of all ages are wishing the attractive bad boy will whisk her away and ravish her sexually and then she will tame him with her love and understanding and good food.

 

This dream has been drilled into womens heads since they were 4 years old.

:lmao:

 

I think not. Have you been reading Historical Romance novels again alpha? You need to upgrade.

[Touche]

While there are women who are like this, the average woman isn't. Bad boys maybe fun to play with when you're young but beyond that, they're pretty useless for a long-term relationship.

 

Word, sista!

[Trialbyfire]

Wow, wow, wow. NJ, and Trial...two of the women of LS who I agree with the most! (Story, you too!) Unbelievable. You women really capture what REAL women think and feel. Mature women, not girls. You women rock. And you can really write (unlike me.)

 

Certain men on here (who shall remain nameless) will never understand where we're coming from. And they couldn't get women like us to save their lives. I mean let's face it. It's the truth. They just don't have what it takes to attract quality women. So they have to aim for the lowest common denominator. It's sad, really.

 

And NJ, you really, really get it about established couples. It's so true. Nothing is ever 100% certain. And that's what keeps it exciting. It's what keeps us wooing each other. The only difference is, is that in a good solid relationship you're only uncertain maybe 1% of the time. And it's that 1% of the time that makes you both woo each other.

 

In a dysfunctional relationship, you might feel uncertain 50% or more of the time. Who the hell wants THAT? Too much work.

Hahaha...Touche. As if you don't get your points across crystal clearly.

[Trialbyfire]

Word, sista!

Back atcha' Babe.

[ilmw]

where you get this baloney from TBF? Women are ALWAYS interested in bad boys no matter their age. Its just that when women want to settle down and get married and have kids its only the "nice guys" who are willing to stick around. Once she squirts out a couple of pups then she'll have affairs with bad boys or get divorced and date bad boys again.

 

:lmao::lmao:... I gotta tell yah alpha.. I don't always agree with what you say bud.. but.. I always get a laugh...

[Touche]

Some women don't want to "tame" a man.

 

I call my man my "knight in shining armor". I always have. He saved me from suicide. I was seriously contemplating it. No joke. He made me believe in love again. He made me believe in life again.

 

He offered his friendship and his help even after I told him I wasn't even interested in dating him since I had only recently separated from my ex-husband.

 

I won't bore anyone with the details but let's just say that no fairytale ever matched the reality of what I found in real life with this man.

 

Why the hell would I ever want to "tame" a "real" man? Why would any woman want to do that? There are too few of those these days as it is. They're an endangered species and I found one! Who wants some metrosexual whiner? They're all posers. Not the real thing. No real woman is going to want to "tame" a real man. A real man doesn't need taming, honey. A real man is what we real women have always wanted. But only a few of us are lucky enough to recognize one. And even fewer get to make a life with a real man.

 

I wish for all my wonderful LS sisters to find their real men this year.

 

And if any of you ladies are lucky to find a real man...trust me..you won't want to tame his ass! :love:

[champagne]

Certain men on here (who shall remain nameless) will never understand where we're coming from. And they couldn't get women like us to save their lives. I mean let's face it. It's the truth. They just don't have what it takes to attract quality women. So they have to aim for the lowest common denominator. It's sad, really.

 

I don't really feel it's fair to say that certain male posters (whether they remain nameless or not) don't have what it takes to attract quality women based on their posts on a messageboard. I honestly don't feel posts on a messageboard are a solid judge of how a man conducts himself in dating and relationships.

[Touche]

Hahaha...Touche. As if you don't get your points across crystal clearly.

 

Thanks, TBF. But the only point I want to get across very clearly is that both men and women deserve as much as they're willing to put in in a relationship. I wish that much for everyone.

[ilmw]

I don't really feel it's fair to say that certain male posters (whether they remain nameless or not) don't have what it takes to attract quality women based on their posts on a messageboard. I honestly don't feel posts on a messageboard are a solid judge of how a man conducts himself in dating and relationships.

 

Maybe... but if some of the posters... who remain nameless. continue their ideals which they post on LS...IRL... they might run into problems...

[Trialbyfire]

Thanks, TBF. But the only point I want to get across very clearly is that both men and women deserve as much as they're willing to put in in a relationship. I wish that much for everyone.

You're welcome. Btw, I loved post #168. I do so envy you right now. Thanks for your good wishes to all of us LS women.

[Touche]

I don't really feel it's fair to say that certain male posters (whether they remain nameless or not) don't have what it takes to attract quality women based on their posts on a messageboard. I honestly don't feel posts on a messageboard are a solid judge of how a man conducts himself in dating and relationships.

 

Yes it is. If he can't be civil on a message board, then I'd bet everything that I have that he can't be civil in real life. That he's a loser in the dating arena.

[SouthernT]

I skimmed very lightly through this thread. So forgive me if I say something that everybody already touched on. But my take on the original question would be this: I wouldnt necessarily say act "aloof" to remind eachother of what you have. But rather concentrate on not loosing your individuality in a relationship. I think this in itself would take care of either partner getting too comfortable? Again I apologize if you guys already mentioned this.

[RecordProducer]

I think it has nothing to do with how nice somebody is or even more with how nice somebody seems to be. People play games unconsciously and instinctively way more often than intentionally. The need to keep a partner on their toes is directly proportional to the level of insecurity. A shy person may seem indifferent;a charming, warm person may be too friendly and flirty with others and evoke jealousy; a busy person may "forget" to call, etc. People play these things by ear and as inspired ad hoc. In my experience, whether you pay attention to their little games or not, the result is the same. An insecure person will stay insecure no matter what you do. But I think in the long-run, if you act mature and show stability, they will relax and start to trust you.