BurriedAlive Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Its the best and most exciting you ever had because its taboo and also because it was exciting for him too because he hasn't had sex with a different woman for a long time. And exactly what did you lose in the end other than time? I lost my job, my best friend and I have to move because I cannot get another job in this small town. Trust me, it was not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Well from an OW who is still in an affair, rather than one who has had a reason to move on and change what's happening. What I've learnt during this experience (including my experience posting here on LS, and being in an affair, and being in a relationship with my MM, and so on): That some men really do listen, and really do want things to move forward in terms of the relationship. That men can be loving, warm, and open and still not get their needs met because of relationship problems... in the past I just assumed it was women who got their needs ignored, and based everything on my actions in a relationship... I was so used to feeling disappointed I didn't realise that some men felt the same way too. That it's THAT easy for a partner to become dissatisfied enough to go looking for something on the side...and find what they never knew they could have. That it's THAT easy for affairs to start.. and for them to go on and on and on with no questions asked by the spouse (why?). That (some?) men are more concerned with their reputation and 'doing the right thing' than in being honest... but of course why wouldn't they be... women are likely to lie about numbers of sexual partners and all sorts of things rather than let their reputation falter. Men and women have different reputations to uphold. That there are many people from all walks of life involved in affairs, and each individual involved is unique, and you just cannot generalise about 'affairs'. That some marriages are worse than any affair I could imagine. That many women and men will accept just about any behaviour just to hear the words 'I love you', or feel needed and wanted. That people giving advice are often more interested in determining what you do than helping you find the best solution for yourself. That many people posting on message boards are more interested in their own voice than listening to the situation at hand. Well those are a few. Well said Frannie, What I learned from my A: Not all MM having an A are worthless dogs and some of them DO tell the truth. That even if the R starts revolving around lies doesn't mean that the love two people feel for each other isn't true. That even if the MM says they aren't having sex, they probably are....even if not on a regular basis, or even once a year, unless there is medical problems, they have sex every once in a while. That the love and passion between a MM and his mistress(not all of the time) can be the most amazing love of your lifetime. Passion like that can't always be found in an 'honest' relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
hardcase Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Its the best and most exciting you ever had because its taboo and also because it was exciting for him too because he hasn't had sex with a different woman for a long time. And exactly what did you lose in the end other than time? I lost my job, my best friend and I have to move because I cannot get another job in this small town. Trust me, it was not worth it. Why did you lose your job? And why a best friend? ...was the best friend the wife of this MM? Link to post Share on other sites
hardcase Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Doesn't it behove everyone to look at the reasons for cheating rather than branding people 'cheaters' and non-cheaters..? Nope...not in any way shape or form. There is NO excuse or justification for cheating. Sounds like another "blame the victim" statement to me. Doesn't cheating depend on situation rather than something inherent in human beings Nope...doesn't matter what the situation. Some people say abuse is an excuse....no..abuse is an excuse to leave the relationship..not cheat. (other than saying yes, cheating is a possibility for ALL people)... which brings you back to this: Cheating is NOT a possibility for ALL people...only the weak and selfish. I have never cheated...never will. People cheat (mainly?) because of their SITUATION... rather than 'who they are'... in other words... their relationships. Nope...I believe they cheat because they want to. Anyone who tries to excuse their cheating by citing their "situation" had it in them to cheat all along..they just use their "situation" to try and justify it. If your relationship is going tits up, you can bet that your partner will be thinking of cheating... because people WANT love, they want sex, and they want connection. My wife cheated on me when we were engaged...hid it from me because she really wanted to marry me. Now if what you say is true, and our relationship was going tits up...why did she hide her selfish act so I wouldn't call off the wedding. And no, I didn't marry her knowing she cheated...I found out 7 years later. If you say anything about 'cheaters' you're talking about 70% of the population... think on that. ah..and if 70% of the population were murderers...we should by sympathetic to them eh? 70% of the population cheats...so it must be ok eh?....get real. Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 i have learned that these R's are very lonely most of the time that my love for him is not diminished even though he wants to stay M. that he makes me very happy and very sad at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
hardcase Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 That the love and passion between a MM and his mistress(not all of the time) can be the most amazing love of your lifetime. Passion like that can't always be found in an 'honest' relationship. Wow...what an advocate for cheating, adultery, and betrayal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author herenow Posted June 1, 2007 Author Share Posted June 1, 2007 a year and a half?? And you still don't trust him? has anyone here told you to "get over it" yet? Its only been 9 months since I found out...and I've been told by women here to "get over it"....just wondering if you are getting the same from them. The same women that tell you to get over it will tell you that you can never trust your husband and he will cheat again. Real trust takes time. Rebuilding a marriage that has been rocked by an affair takes work and a commitment from both partners. The process should not be rushed. It's a mistake to deny what you are feeling because someone thinks it's time. What you need is a real fix, not a bandaid. Don't listen to anyone who tells you to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
hardcase Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 The same women that tell you to get over it will tell you that you can never trust your husband and he will cheat again. Real trust takes time. Rebuilding a marriage that has been rocked by an affair takes work and a commitment from both partners. The process should not be rushed. It's a mistake to deny what you are feeling because someone thinks it's time. What you need is a real fix, not a bandaid. Don't listen to anyone who tells you to get over it. I don't listen to that. The "get over it" mainly comes from OM/OW or cheaters themselves. Amazing isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I know us OW/OM we are horrid people arent we? Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 WHOOPIE:rolleyes:HERE WE GO AGAIN Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I know us OW/OM we are horrid people arent we? Yes yousave me you are. What you are doing is horrid. You said it so at least you can own it. I hope you can handle when the day comes that you see the hurt yours and his actions has caused to his kids. You say he is just there for his kids. Bullcrap what he is doing with you is the most selfish thing he could ever do to his kids. His kids will learn that daddy is nothing but a liar and a cheat and will lose all respect for him. If he truly loved his kids and you he would leave his marriage the honorable way and not have a little secret hidden life with you. You have no future with him. His kids will hate you with a passion one day. The truth will come out to them and what a sad day that will be. Your mm is a coward and you are just fine with living as this cowards little secret lie. Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I guess you know the future and my relationship. But lets face it. Once a man leaves a marriage does anyone ever look at him as honorable. No , you just like other people will call him an AHole. Oh well................. Yes yousave me you are. What you are doing is horrid. You said it so at least you can own it. I hope you can handle when the day comes that you see the hurt yours and his actions has caused to his kids. You say he is just there for his kids. Bullcrap what he is doing with you is the most selfish thing he could ever do to his kids. His kids will learn that daddy is nothing but a liar and a cheat and will lose all respect for him. If he truly loved his kids and you he would leave his marriage the honorable way and not have a little secret hidden life with you. You have no future with him. His kids will hate you with a passion one day. The truth will come out to them and what a sad day that will be. Your mm is a coward and you are just fine with living as this cowards little secret lie. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Yousaveme's mm's wife begged her husband to stay for the sake of the kids. That's what I read in one of her early posts. The wife also called yousaveme & begged her to have her husband back again, for the kids sake. The the wife will have to deal with the ramafications of having stayed in the marriage for the kids sake. The kids will hate her also for lying to them & acting as though the marriage is perfect when in reality the marriage has been over for quite some time now. The kids get the **** end of the stick here. MM should've left once his wife found out about everthing. No use dragging on the heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I guess you know the future and my relationship. But lets face it. Once a man leaves a marriage does anyone ever look at him as honorable. No , you just like other people will call him an AHole. Oh well................. He would be more honorable if he left in the beginning instead of stringing everyone along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author herenow Posted June 1, 2007 Author Share Posted June 1, 2007 I don't listen to that. The "get over it" mainly comes from OM/OW or cheaters themselves. Amazing isn't it? Hardcase, it's hard to understand how an OW thinks or feels. When you are not capable of doing something, it's difficult to relate to people who are. I find many things here amazing, but nothing I say will change that. Some people here will actually get something out of our stories and hopefully something we say can help someone. Post what you want and people will either read it and give you good advice or they will try and bait you into a BW vs. OW conflict. I'm done with that and I hope you are able to take the good and see the bad for what it is. I took a break from LS because I was getting involved in discussions that were going nowhere. There is good on this board and many helpful people both OW and BW. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Yousaveme's coward chose to reconcile with his wife. He CHOSE to stay with her. Yousaveme's coward chose to lie and tell his wife he would end it with her and save the marriage. Yousaveme's coward chooses to lie to his wife daily pretending to be back in the marriage and done with the affair while he still sneaks around with yousaveme. He's not saving you honey he is dragging you down to the lowest you could possibly go. He respects no one but himself. Dday was the time to end it if he was too cowardly before. Now he just leads a secret life with his wife believing the affair is over. THAT IS CRUEL and you are playing a BIG part in it. Enjoy the karma this will bring. Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I know he is a horrid guy also. Put his kids first. I should have found a self-centered Pr*ck. Sorry gals He would be more honorable if he left in the beginning instead of stringing everyone along. Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Who chose? He didnt chose. He didnt agree to save anything. NEITHER DID SHE.........HELLO Yousaveme's coward chose to reconcile with his wife. He CHOSE to stay with her. Yousaveme's coward chose to lie and tell his wife he would end it with her and save the marriage. Yousaveme's coward chooses to lie to his wife daily pretending to be back in the marriage and done with the affair while he still sneaks around with yousaveme. He's not saving you honey he is dragging you down to the lowest you could possibly go. He respects no one but himself. Dday was the time to end it if he was too cowardly before. Now he just leads a secret life with his wife believing the affair is over. THAT IS CRUEL and you are playing a BIG part in it. Enjoy the karma this will bring. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Who's to say what's worse: Staying for the kids or leaving right away? How pathetic when a wife has to beg her husband to stay for the kids & then call the ow to beg her to give her husband back to make it look good to family & friends. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Is he still living in the marital home with HIS WIFE? That was a choice. Um HELLO. He is a family man. He loves his family. You are not his family. You are his fling on the side. HELLO... Are you openly dating him? Or are you sneaking around sending little text lovenotes?:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Its okay IM HORRID OH WELL. THANK YOU. In time, you will be able to come back here & prove everyone wrong. You'll prove that you & your man are not horrid & that things sometimes DO work out in these situations. Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Well, I gotta run. BUSY BUSY BUSY.......Have a great wknd ALL In time, you will be able to come back here & prove everyone wrong. You'll prove that you & your man are not horrid & that things sometimes DO work out in these situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 The Lesson from my "A" (it wasn't really an A because he was separated)indirectly, is that a few BSs should be banned from this section of the Forum, they serve abosolutely no positive purpose for the people who come here for support. I also learned that they can say what they want about how great their life is now with their cheating spouses, but if they are so happy why in the world are they 24/7 arguing with OW/OM on LS? You asked.... Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 LOL...I needed a good laugh. Smart and a comedian. WOW:lmao: The Lesson from my "A" (it wasn't really an A because he was separated)indirectly, is that a few BSs should be banned from this section of the Forum, they serve abosolutely no positive purpose for the people who come here for support. I also learned that they can say what they want about how great their life is now with their cheating spouses, but if they are so happy why in the world are they 24/7 arguing with OW/OM on LS? You asked.... Thank You TomCat33, You took the words right outta my mouth. What is the real reason they are here? Link to post Share on other sites
NearlyThere Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I have learned to guard my heart more carefully in future. Never get involved with a MM again. Link to post Share on other sites
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