Why?

[friedchicken]

I was engaged to be married. I thought my life was going great. The guy was sweet, had a great job and seemed to love me. About a month after we were engaged, he told me that he had a "stalker" and she found out we were engaged and might try to contact me. I didn't think much of it since I never heard from her.

 

About 3 months later, 4 months into the engagement- I get a phone call out of the blue from "the stalker." She tells me that she has been in contact with "Bill" almost the whole time we have been together, he asked to see her 9 times in the 1.5 years he and I had been together, slept together once and she has the emails to prove it. I told her I didn't believe her and didn't want to see the emails. And I hung up on her.

 

I called "Bill" and he said he would take care of it. Later that night I asked him about the emails and he admited that he did email her back and forth from while at work "quite a bit" but swears they never were together. I emailed him the following day and told him to pass along my email address to her if she needs to contact me she could do it thru email.

 

That night she Cc: me on an email reply to Bill. Bill had emailed her and told her that he would get her in trouble at work if she contacted my parents. I emailed her back and told her if she wanted to send me emails to do so or if not, to get on with her life. She and I emailed back and forth that night. She gave me date of thier last sexual encounter. I asked "Bill" about it and he admitted they were together. I told him I needed a break to think about things.

 

She then sent me the emails they exchanged. There were over 200 emails and email strings. They run from sexual to discussing thier weekend football picks. There are even emails where he wanted to meet up with her and a guy she was seeing on a date and I could tell he was bothered she was dating. I read where she told him less that 2 months before he proposed that she wouldn't see him anymore if he was seeing me. He said he understood. She tried harder to pull away from him and he tried to do things indirectly to get her attention. He even sent flirty emails to her a week after we were engaged.

 

Apparently, he told her over a phone call that we were engaged. She got mad and threatened to tell me. I don't know why she didn't right away, but she cooled down and he talked to her again via email a little more. And did a few other things to get her attention.

 

Then I get the phone call out of the blue. After reading the emails and hearing more from him. She actually is a girl he dated 3 years ago. He seems to have a harder and harder time distancing himself from her.

 

I don't understand why he asked me to marry him. I think it is quite clear that he really still is "into her" or whatever. And she is into him as well. He could have her if really wanted her.

 

There are so many things that run through my head as to why he would even ask. We are both Greek and come from traditonal Greek families. She isn't Greek at all. His ex-wife is getting remarried to the guy she left him for almost 9 years ago. He had a milestone b'day-35.

 

I even wonder if he really wanted to marry me. He never asked her not to tell me when she said she would. He put his house up for sale so we could move into a home together with our kids. Now he has raised the price so it possibly won't sell probably just to ride out the realtor contract.

 

I don't really know why or what I asking. Maybe I just want to vent.

[Bryanp]

Contact a lawyer and divorce him. He is a liar and a cheat. Don't waste your life on someone like this. You deserve better.

[friedchicken]

Thank you. We didn't get married. I called off the engagement.

 

I am just wondering why he even let it get that far. I think it is apparent he never wanted to be married.

[Curmudgeon]

Thank you. We didn't get married. I called off the engagement.

 

I am just wondering why he even let it get that far. I think it is apparent he never wanted to be married.

 

I'm glad you called it off, for your sake.

 

Is it possible, since you're both Greek and both families are very traditional, that he was under pressure from his family to find a Greek bride?

 

Just a thought.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree with Curmudgeon. One girl for the family's approval and a chippie on the side.

 

You are so lucky to have been told of this previous to your marriage because marriage wouldn't have stopped him. Imagine finding out after having kids.

[friedchicken]

As much as it hurts, I don't think he would have stopped talking to her and wanting to see her after we were married. It hurts so much to know that he is still into her. I don't think that there is anyway around that.

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, it is painful. I'm sorry that you needed to experience it but I can relate, although mine was after we were married. Take care and spoil yourself for awhile. Stay on LS and read some of the techniques that many of us have used to move on with our lives.

[friedchicken]

The emails are horrible. He asks to see her probably 9 times over our relationship. She cancelled most of the times. He cancelled once when he was too busy at work. She even started to argue with him and he tries to make her feel better.

 

I know it is normal for someone to think of those in their past. I feel that this is over the top or out of line. I wish I could say I feel stupid or why didn't I see it, but she was a total secret until he told me he had a "stalker."

[MrsHellFire]

It sounds like he became engaged with you only to make his ex jealous. He sounds really immature for a 35 year old. My god! Get on with your life!

[friedchicken]

I don't know what to think. I don't think he asked me b/c he is in love with me. And silly as that sounds, I think that is why you should ask someone to marry you. Not b/c the time is right, or you are getting old or you are both Greek or you're ex-wife is getting remarried. I feel like the whole relationship was a big lie.

[Ruby Tuesday]

My husband got engaged to his OW to get back at me for leaving him, but he ended it after 11 days. Believe me it does happen. He is 43. He knew it was the only thing that would hurt me.

[torranceshipman]

I wonder, ultimately, if it'll be possible to ever understand exactly why he was acting like this, other than he doesn't have any morals or integrity - or backbone - he's so selfish and what a liar...and as much as it really hurts now...you'll look back and thank God you found out before you two got married.

 

I feel bad for you, but hold your head up high, you have a lot of self respect and dignity - you've handled this well - and you should really be proud of yourself! Good luck girl.

[friedchicken]

Thank you for the kind words. I do wonder if I'll ever know everything and maybe I won't. He is very mad at the girl that told on him. He'll probably never take her back so that makes me feel better.