How to start a positive relationship (platonic) at work?

[redfathom]

I have been at my current job for about five and a half months.

 

So far I am not very happy. I am bored with lack of work and lack of interesting work but the benefits are great and I would never leave a job I had been at for less then a year.

 

I am feeling very unconfident here and it is making me second guess myself and well, that just makes me look like an idiot. My last job was very demanding, I worked with the VP of Operations, I was the assistant to the President, I was the office manager, I had a staff of about five and worked with clients n solving issues and streamlining processes. Now I fax, scan, book travel, setup appointments and order supplies. I am an office manager here but the work is far less demanding and I feel like because I am not confident enough it is holding me back from getting more work.

 

So now, why am I not confident...well, I feel like no one at work likes me. I know that you should not make FREINDS at work and that is not what I want. I just want to build positive relationships with people. I mean if I do decide to stay I need to have some relationships and trust with my co-workers if I am to advance with this company.

 

It is not that my co-workers are mean per se, just not friendly. Well, some are mean. There are few girls in the office and I prefer not to make friends with guys because I am married and sometimes that complicates things. The women I replaced still works here and I have tried building a relationship with her but it always seeming lacking. At first we got along and she really wanted a friend (which is what she said). She seems to get along well with our receptionist (my assistant, she is very outgoing) and since then does not seem to want to talk with me. Which is fine, I just am curious if I did something to offend her. I hate having things like that between people, so I guess I will just ask her if I did.

 

So I guess I am venting, but if you have any suggestions on how I could get my co-workers to open up just a bit I would apprecaite it.

[Yamaha]

You can't really force a friendship. Sometimes it just takes time to get acquainted with people before they open up to you. I would just act friendly and see if you get a positive response from someone who you wouldn't mind forming a friendship.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

1) If you're the manager it makes it more difficult to make friendships. I am a manager and it took a long time to build trust in the friendships I have at work. No-one wants to go on their lunch with their boss because it can be construed as "sucking up". No-one wants to have to watch their words in case their boss tells them off. Trust has to be built up first. Many of my employees now confide in me as they trust that I will try to help in a positive way and will not bring it into their working relationship with me.

 

2) Why not have friendships at work? Maybe by holding out for "positive relationships" you may seem a little distant to the other employees. You can have friendships, you work there half your life, it would seem a little empty if frienships cant be built - with men and women. It doesn't matter if you're married or not, a good working relationship is a good working relationship regardless of gender

 

3) Your underconfidence is possibly hindering developing relationships. When someone feels like an idiot, they may instead show a perceived perception of distance and unfriendliness. Dont be afraid to show your weaknesses. Share them with your team. There's many time in a day when I say to my staff "I feel like such an idiot" and they laugh alongside me, recognising that I'm human and I falter just like them. Embrace your weaknesses.

 

I would suggest something like a teambuilding day to improve team ethics. That way you aren't singling out one person to be a friend (and she used to have your role too? Is that ok with her? Does she harbour any resentment?) Treat everyone equally on the day, be smiley, ask them about their lives at home - people love to talk about themselves. Show them you can laugh and show them you're friendly and then hopefully that will get the ball rolling.

[redfathom]

Yamaha,

 

The off thing is that when I first started to work she would talk to me openly about many things. She WAS in a relationship at work that did not go well. I at the time was seperated from my husband (we are fine now, it only lasted a month). She would come to be when she was upset and needed someone to talk to and I would listen. Then things started to change....She seems freindly with our receptionist although she did chat with me about her spending to much time with a male coworker (our receptionist is married) she suggested I talk to her about office gossip. I actually let it pass because we did know the whole story and well, it is none of our business. I did hear from another employee that she is very jeolous and actually outcasted another employee who the guys took a fancy too. When we were hiring for the receptionist she said she preferred someone who was married vs. single. So I am not sure what happened and based on those things I do not understand why I am so worried about this one person.

 

Hi Je Ne Regrette Rien,

 

I am actually the Office Manager/Executive Assistant. I could understand why people are leering, thinking I will divluge information to my bosses. Which I would not do. My boss did ask me to find out how morale is and I said I would ask around but I would let them know what they told me would be shared with the executive team, with their permission.

 

What I heard from this other girl in the office, is the old receptionist has a clique at work (all guys) the young group and I guess she does not like to let other women in the group. So there are already many cliques and I do not want to get involved with the daily BS of it all. I just want to secure my place with the company and possible chance of promoition (no I am not a back stabber of any kind). At every company I have worked for I always promoted very quicly. My frist real job which I was at for over five years I promoted four times. Then my next job (one before this) I was at for a year and a half and promoted three times. The only place to go in my current company would be to another department so I have to build those relationships if I am to suceed here.

 

I will take your suggestions and let you know what happens.

 

Thanks all!!!