totally confused

[michele]

About 2yrs ago I met this man at work that was crazy about me. For two years we have been friends, he would always ask me out, but i was honest with him, and said i was seeing some one else. The last couple of months I began to get very close to him, he began calling me every day talking a couple of hours on the phone, we began kissing, very hot, went over his house but never went to bed with him. He told me he was very serious with me, the whole 9 yards, told me to trust him,he wasn't rushing me. Invited me to his Xmas party, from management. He had been divorced for two yrs,has to kids. I bought his girls the power bracelets, and they thanked me on the phone, really sweet.

 

Out of the clear blue, he told me last week his kids are his priorites, and he's confused for the first time in his life, that his daughter told him he is not a good father.

 

He told me he doesn't want me in his life right now, he needs time and space. Yesterday I saw him at work and he said hello, very cold and serious, the second time he ignored me,I'm devastasted how he went from hot to cold overnight. Could it be that he went back with his ex-wife, or maybe he phonetapped my conversations. Help and very confused.

[michele]

About 2yrs ago I met this man at work that was crazy about me. For two years we have been friends, he would always ask me out, but i was honest with him, and said i was seeing some one else. The last couple of months I began to get very close to him, he began calling me every day talking a couple of hours on the phone, we began kissing, very hot, went over his house but never went to bed with him. He told me he was very serious with me, the whole 9 yards, told me to trust him,he wasn't rushing me. Invited me to his Xmas party, from management. He had been divorced for two yrs,has to kids. I bought his girls the power bracelets, and they thanked me on the phone, really sweet. Out of the clear blue, he told me last week his kids are his priorites, and he's confused for the first time in his life, that his daughter told him he is not a good father. He told me he doesn't want me in his life right now, he needs time and space. Yesterday I saw him at work and he said hello, very cold and serious, the second time he ignored me,I'm devastasted how he went from hot to cold overnight. Could it be that he went back with his ex-wife, or maybe he phonetapped my conversations. Help and very confused.

 

Please , someone respond, it is very hard for me to go to work, and see him there, and for him to be so cold and ignore me, my friends don't know what is going on. Because I can;t say anthing it would go right back to him.

Help Help

[Wiser Woman]

My suggestion would be to take him aside in an appropriate place and just flat out ask him what the deal is. You'll never know for sure unless you ask and being in the same workplace with this on your mind is going to be very difficult. It sounds to be me like he's either not really divorced or is considering going back to his ex..... But if you don't ask, you will never know and I think he at least owes you an explanation for his recent behaviour.

[michele]

My suggestion would be to take him aside in an appropriate place and just flat out ask him what the deal is. You'll never know for sure unless you ask and being in the same workplace with this on your mind is going to be very difficult. It sounds to be me like he's either not really divorced or is considering going back to his ex..... But if you don't ask, you will never know and I think he at least owes you an explanation for his recent behaviour.

 

Thank you for your suggestion, it is a very good idea, however I am afraid that he may say to me to stop harrassing him, and this could jeapordize my job, since he is a high power figure, he more or less has the power to recommend termination. And the company is very big on this harrasement thing. I really care about him, and he made me believe that he cared about me, such cruel mind games. I told him friends don't do that to friends. I know that he is divorced so , the only other possible thing is the ex-wife since I gave her kids the bracelets, she felt thratned as a mother, may be i drove them back together, I nevr do that again.

I still feel very bad because I really care about him

[Wiser Woman]

It's a tough situation for you to be in and I'm sorry it's happened. I don't know why he would view you wanting to discover what caused the change in his behavior as harassment but I also don't know first hand your working environment. Perhaps it is best that you put it behind you if you can. He's already caused you more pain and hurt than anyone is entitled to and you deserve better - I hope you find it.

[michele]

It's a tough situation for you to be in and I'm sorry it's happened. I don't know why he would view you wanting to discover what caused the change in his behavior as harassment but I also don't know first hand your working environment. Perhaps it is best that you put it behind you if you can. He's already caused you more pain and hurt than anyone is entitled to and you deserve better - I hope you find it. Thanks for your words of wisdom. What really hurts is that I feel he really hates me because his ex-wife used the child as a pawn, as a tool to get him to stop seeing me.

He mentioned he needed time and space, and this was something he had to do. He said he felt as a failure as a father, and that his kid called him,over the phone,crying hysterically. Granted the kids, come first. But to disconnect me completely from his life,overnight was cruel.

 

This is the first time in my life that anyone has ever played any cruel mind games like this.

 

I remember the last conversation we had, I asked him don't you care about me, he said I did, what a person can turn off their feelings in 24 hrs, Totally mindblowing, overwhelming. Question? Do you think he'll ever come back to me? Wiser women, no better. I'm not a doormat, but I surely think this man,is as he said this is the first time in my life that I'm confused, totally lost control.

 

It sure hurts to think that this man used me to get his exwife jealous, and as women know, they feel threatned when their is someone new in their ex's life. Perhaps she doesn't care about him anymore, he mentioned she had a boyfriend at one time. But she may feel,this is my ex-husband, my territory. He is not a stupid man, college educated, but he probally fell for it.