My situation.

[Swamp]

We met through mutual friends and completely clicked. Basically fell for eachother at the same intensity level and what not. She told me I was the guy of her dreams and all that good mushy stuff. Well we started dating right before I left to go out on the road for a week (Im a musician who tours occasionally.)

 

She tells me she thinks that she is falling in love with me and all this other infatuated sounding stuff. THat whole "brand new relationship" thing was really coming out of her. She was all about me and I was really into her as well. So I in turn fell for her.

 

Anyways we were together for 4 months or so and we had our ups and downs of course. She usually felt unsure about the relationship out of virtually no where and complained about her space issues. Then she would act all cynical and we would talk it out until she felt better. We agreed to communicate everything and I told her if she needed space to just tell me and I would get out of her hair. We were really really into eachother... maybe we went too fast or something. I dont know. I went to her hometown to meet her parents and everything.

 

The night before I left we kinda communicated how if we were going to ever truly be together we would have to be able to be apart from eachother for long periods of time. She was moving to South America in a year and half for a good while, and I was going to be traveling with music a lot.

 

Im on the road getting emails from her saying how she misses me and everything. Talking on the phone atleast one a night. On this grueling tour and everything. I stay with her 1 night in the middle of the tour and we just snuggled the whole night. Made love, at lunch and dinner together. I wrote her a poem the morning I was leaving professing poetic love to her. She bawled when I was walking out the door and all that. While im home I have a talk with her basically making sure that everything is fine with the relationship. She says all is well.

 

Two days later I was in a lonely on the road type of mood and was basically telling her the only thing I looked forward to every day was talking to her. Telling her I missed her and everything. She told me that it was too much pressure on her and that she felt suffacated. I told her I needed to know that she would be there for me if I ever needed her. Boom. She breaks it off.

 

Mind you she is bawling her freaking eyes out the whole time we are talking. But yep... completely cut it all off. She said it was way too serious for her and that I didnt need enough of my own space.

 

Well while I was on the road I called her like 1 or 2 times and received no answer. I wrote her a letter basically telling her how I was doing and that I missed her. Nothing real emotional.. just told her what had been going. Receieved no reply to that. Then I finally get home and we get to talk a little bit through a freaking instant message. She is almost acting like nothing ever happened. Saying she has nothing new to say and that I have been showing this manipulative and ugly side of me. I called her sister from the road to ask what had been up. Making sure she was ok, and asked if she thought it would be ok if I called her. She said it would probably be ok. Who knows... she thought that frightened her or something.

 

Then when I get home from tour after like 2 weeks of no talking and me being ripped in half and alone on the road. I decide to just show up at her doorstep to get all of my stuff from her house. She looks like **** and her apartment is a wreck. But I gathered my things and we went ahead and talked about it for a while. She started bawling but said she just couldnt be with me anymore. So I left and wrote her a long email all about everything I loved about her and told the story of how I saw our whole relationship through my eyes. She wrote back saying it was very sweet but I was just not giving her space like I said could. I dont think i ever sacrificed my role as the man. Shes just selfish or something... I bent over backwards for her and would have done anything for her. She never even showed appreciation. Always stuck in her own world and ideas.

 

I mean I was devastated and she basically cut me off. I wrote her a congratulations letter a few weeks later because she just got her Bachelors in journalism and she wrote me back basically crucifying me for it. She thought I was being sarcastic or something. I wrote back pissed off and told her I demanded respect and was just being genuine and sweet. She eventually apologized.

 

Finally after like a month of being broken up I decide to call her. We sit and talk for a while and she acts like nothing ever happened. Said she is "perfectly happy with her decision." That I had frightened her and that I needed to just move on. She sounded frustrated too.

 

Yeah I shouldnt have written her or called her message machine crying. But what the f**k?

 

Now its been 2 months of being broken up... and 1 month of no contact at all. I have my ups and downs but mostly I still truly miss her. I get the urge to write her or call her but I dont do it. Im just grasping on to hope that she will come around eventually or something. I sometimes dont even know what for.. there were times when I felt like she wasnt the person I wanted to be with. But I just moved on and figured thats the ups and downs of relationships. I guess she hit a down and we never made it out alive.

 

Who knows... I have my sense of humor back... I have positive energy and feelings. My music is still running rocky and slow because of it. But I still miss her and love her. I think she loves me too because this was insanely hard for her. But I dont know what the hell happened. Im still baffled even after the closure she gave me.

 

Thoughts?

[mighty bop]

Wait a minute didn't you already post this?

[Swamp]

Yeah in an unrelated post

[mewbomb]

thas always a good rule...

and you already posted this but i have to comment....

 

if its been only one month... wait a while longer... and if you said you weren't sure about her either... let her go and do something fun...

just don't contact her until she does...thats my plan...

who knows how long ill wait but thats her problem...

[Swamp]

Yeah but you make sure you dont contact her either. You were about to call her to let her know you are gone for good.

 

No!

 

Nononono!

 

I want to write her real bad today. Semi to chew her ass out because im resentful from some of the stuff that happened. Semi to be like "piss off."

 

I choose to not write her though. The sadness and depression and stuff is starting to kinda loosen up and wither. Im starting to get interested in other things again.

[mewbomb]

I was only going to call her in a bout a month for the gone for good thing. Because thats how i feel.

 

I usually have no problem meeting girls/women so I can do this. I think! Either way, if a month goes by...i mean its obvious she don't love me anymore.

 

Good luck and hope everything works out for you.

 

Don't send the letter. Do you see her or talk to her? How long? Does she live near you? Could you run into her????