He Won't Marry Me Yet? Is there a future for us?

[Complex]

5 years now and he won't marry. I know I know many complained about this before but maybe someone can help me understand because I have read every book I could find every website and thread on the topic and it still doesn't make sense. Men tell me daily how lucky his is and ask do I have a sister (which I don't). They tell him and ask him the same but why do I feel like a dud. Am I just a trophy piece?

 

We met at work and no one knew he was married. I was going thru a divorce and finally he told me he was married but not happy but it was not unhealthy. What the hell does that mean ? He moved out and we dated. We did the kids & us thing daily. Finally he moved in w me @ yr 1. I thought it was right. And he talked about marriage took me to buy the ring and held it for 4 months without a word until he proposed finally one night. That was yr 2.

 

Now it is turning year 5. During we purchased a house, got the cars, stable job, have traveled alot, been thru the joining of the kids and the fights, the family issues, the in - laws, and did I mention he has two bad kids and we have pets.

 

Three wedding dates have been set and two have passed. The one coming just aint happening. It is clear everytime we get close to planning he does something stupid and jeopordized what we have. Flirting w women and accepting gifts to just return them. Allowing the ex-wife to call him because she claims she can't function, doesn't know how to call or who to call when a yellow book is near.

 

Then baby mama drama - she always want money to purchase expensive items for his kids that we would never buy. $150 pants, $100 shirts, $200 shoes. We are middle class - HELLO! My "only" child knows what a bargain is and has developed a knack of saving too.

 

He can't give clear reasons. He starts process to join finances and he screwed it up. We tried having baby one week and then the got to have it daily man stopped wanting sex but one time a week. We agreed to foster and adopt and now he complains how can we bring new child here when his oldest child is such a problem. Then when I address each issue clear - he starts with the maybe if you crap.

 

Spend more time with him but he is always working two jobs.(I see the paystubs so he is legite) Cook more but we both work nights. Blah Blah Blah. Each month something new. Did I mention he refuses to get mortgage insurance or any insurance to coverage each other if one of use dies so the remaining mate won't be set out on the curb when we cant make a full mortgage payment alone.

 

Yeah, I love him, I love him with all my heart that I stay and have no family living here left. When I could move out of state to be with family and have help w my child. I have wanted to leave, talked of leaving and even purchased boxes. He makes promises of our future and asks me to help him get it together and lets work it out. I am spent, tired, used up. Sometimes I am afraid to start over but am I over reacting?

 

We both have been married, I was for 10 yrs and ended horrible. He was dating 9 and married 1 yr before he left her. Is it me or am I over reacting when I say "He won't marry me and if he did I would be a decaded before he did and he may just leave me too" Do I have any reason to stay? Or is this normal and I am just overacting? Confused in Northern VA